I'm 25 and have never dated a girl

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14 Nov 2023, 10:18 am

Wow that's unusual for most neuro-typicals but VERY common for neuro-divergents!

I have had 3 (well now 4) boyfriends

Just never been married

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BillyTree
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14 Nov 2023, 2:55 pm

Don't worry about what's normal or not. In my opinion a key to success with women is to just act natural and don't worry to much. I remember reading that Paul Newman met his first wife when he was 24 and that she was his first girlfriend. She described him as terrible shy at the time. His late start didn't prevent him to eventually get rather popular by women.

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RetroGamer87
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14 Nov 2023, 7:38 pm

Highly_Autistic wrote:

Is it normal for an aspie guy

Totally normal. I had never dated a girl when I was your age.

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RetroGamer87
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14 Nov 2023, 7:41 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

well in modern times, there are news reports going on, that its becoming quite common for a lot of men to enter their 20s, even NT's, to have never dated, male loneliness is on the rise.

Thank goodness that more young people can enjoy their youths unconcerned by the burdens of dating.

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nick007
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14 Nov 2023, 10:01 pm

I had my first girlfriend when I was 20 but we were online best friends before she told me she liked me & we had some things in common. We broke up half a year later & then I tried desperately to get my next girlfriend till I was 28 which also only lasted half a year & we met online. I got in my current relationshop shortly after we broke up which started online too but we were able to move in together after about half a year. I never did the dating thing with any of them. I have varoious physical & mental disabilities that limit me thou.

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auntblabby
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14 Nov 2023, 10:25 pm

very little experience, first time was in my early 50s.

WantToHaveALife
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15 Nov 2023, 7:30 pm

for many years now, i've heard that 25 is the panic button age

auntblabby
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15 Nov 2023, 10:22 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

for many years now, i've heard that 25 is the panic button age

why 25 in particular?

blitzkrieg
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15 Nov 2023, 10:29 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

for many years now, i've heard that 25 is the panic button age

There is no need for it to be.

rse92
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16 Nov 2023, 8:06 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:

for many years now, i've heard that 25 is the panic button age

Yeah, no.

PeterHoping44
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16 Nov 2023, 8:16 am

It sure gets lonesome.

NibiruMul
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01 Dec 2023, 7:20 pm

It's perfectly normal. I'm 31 and I've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend.

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01 Dec 2023, 7:45 pm

I was in my mid 30's but it didn't last. am still a virgin though I can dream!

It does feel lonely. I do think it is better than those who ended up trapped in relationships that they regretted. But I also think that being left on the shelf feels neglected! Am on the shelf myself.

Really do feel for those who are in a similar situation as hormones are strong and on top of this comes the friendship one desires through having a relationship. The closeness to another person in ways that sex alone can't achieve.
Though sex is something I have desired for decades... But it is the whole package of love... Deep love and feelings to share... Very best friends to overcome lonliness as part of the package. Having someone to be there to help one function. Someone one is close to and loves!

I will write a thread about the helping one function part and what I mean by this... As it is not exactly what some may think.

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Mikurotoro92
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01 Dec 2023, 9:46 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:

I was in my mid 30's but it didn't last. am still a virgin though I can dream!

It does feel lonely. I do think it is better than those who ended up trapped in relationships that they regretted. But I also think that being left on the shelf feels neglected! Am on the shelf myself.

Really do feel for those who are in a similar situation as hormones are strong and on top of this comes the friendship one desires through having a relationship. The closeness to another person in ways that sex alone can't achieve.
Though sex is something I have desired for decades... But it is the whole package of love... Deep love and feelings to share... Very best friends to overcome lonliness as part of the package. Having someone to be there to help one function. Someone one is close to and loves!

I will write a thread about the helping one function part and what I mean by this... As it is not exactly what some may think.

I am still a virgin too although I came VERY close to sex with my ex-boyfriend Robbie as a teen but I wasn't ready to move beyond making out/passionate kissing and touching

Now I want to say I have had the experience of sex but I haven't found the right man yet!

But it will happen eventually

It is the fact that I'm lonely that is pushing me towards finding love and getting married and I am trying to pull myself out of that deep hole I dug myself into

This is part of why I started Day Program

I miss having a companion and shared intimacy too!

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Mountain Goat
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01 Dec 2023, 10:50 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

Mountain Goat wrote:

I was in my mid 30's but it didn't last. am still a virgin though I can dream!

Out of interest,what is Day Program? Can the hole be dug out of? (I prefer marriage before sex as the commitment side of having sex... If I have sex which is an extremely strong emotional bond, I would want it to be with someone who would be with me always. Also marriage is a covernant before God).

I think part of the reason why I am single is:

1. I tend to isolate myself. I don't go to places where people meet. For me, I tend to like the less crowded places. Example is my nearest beach which is a walk down a footpath opposite where I live would see around a handful of people a day if that, despite it being a lovely beach. The things I like are beaches, castles and exploring countryside in the car or walks etc...

2. Sadly, I often don't always pick up on hints. So if a lady uses hints I will remember what was said but be puzzled and not connect it to the lady being interested in me. Partly because I do not expect a lady to fancy me despite some saying I would be the ideal catch. Some can't believe how I am single! I can't answer except due to my inability to recognize hints, it means I can't ask ladies out because I may make mistakes. Think I have asked around 15 ladies out in my lifetime and I have only actually properly dated two ladies in my life and they asked me out.

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Mikurotoro92
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01 Dec 2023, 11:15 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:

Out of interest,what is Day Program?

I think part of the reason why I am single is:

1. I tend to isolate myself. I don't go to places where people meet. For me, I tend to like the less crowded places. Example is my nearest beach which is a walk down a footpath opposite where I live would see around a handful of people a day if that, despite it being a lovely beach. The things I like are beaches, castles and exploring countryside in the car. Things that don't really involve meeting people, so my chances of meeting someone suitable are low.

2. Sadly, I often don't always pick up on hints. So if a lady uses hints I will remember what was said but be puzzled and not connect it to the lady being interested in me. Partly because I do not expect a lady to fancy me despite some saying I would be the ideal catch. Some can't believe how I am single! I can't answer except due to my inability to recognize hints, it means I can't ask ladies out because I may make mistakes. Think I have asked around 15 ladies out in my lifetime and I have only actually dated two ladies in real life (As in physically meeting them on more than one occasion, though the second was mostly online or over the phone) and on both occasions the ladies asked me out. Does not work somehow with me doing the asking out.

Day Program is where people with disabilities can get out into the community

It is VERY helpful when you are looking for love and friendship because it forces you to have conversations with people!

As for actually finding love and friendship & why it's so hard for people with disabilities compared to neuro-typicals who can easily go from living at home with their parents to independant to married without much effort?

It all boils down to 2 things:

The disability itself

and

The loneliness and isolation caused by the disability

I will go into more detail later

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