Why is it ''bad'' to have no experience by 30 ?

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When I say experience, I mean experience of an intimate and close relationship with someone. It seems to be made out by some sections of society or the media that to have been single for a long time and had little or no experience of a relationship by 30 is a ''bad'' thing. I don't know what they mean by the word Bad.

I sometimes don't always like it, when there have been discussions for years by people about declining birthrates and more people choosing to stay single longer than ever before and there are people who are maybe experienced in relationship, married and so on by 30 who belittle other people who are younger than 30 or older for being single long term for no fault of their own and are maybe struggling to find the ''one'' for them. It does my head in sometimes.

There were girls/women who I was friends with one of which I had known since school and still have feelings for even though we haven't spoken for a long while but she preferred for a while to be friends instead of being in a relationship with me. Another was a woman I met in 2014 who had some things in common with me and quite liked and she seemed eager for a relationship but I wasn't. I feel bad sometimes because it feels as though the opportunity was there and I chose not to take it because I wasn't ready for it even though she was. I keep reminding myself of that chapter I saw in a book that helps parents with their children with autism including when their children are adults and said that people will usually experience relationships for the first time in their late teens/early twenties but a person with autism may not get to that stage until their mid/late twenties.

It isn't good.

EDIT TO ADD: it is good if your intention is to become a Roman Catholic clergyman or novitiate.

I am Autistic and I have experience with romantic relationships

Just not married

It's better to have no experiences than bad experiences.

It's not a moral issue. There's nothing inherently "good" or "bad" about being single. It just is.

We experience things in our own time and at our own pace. There's nothing wrong with that.

I personally agree with this, but you’ll find a lot of single young men who would very strongly disagree.

I believe that society thinks that if you are single for a long time, there must be something wrong with you which is why no one wants to be in a relationship with you.

They are usually right about that.

Last edited by Weight Of Memory on 26 Aug 2023, 10:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

For simplicity let's leave out having children. They're not for everyone. Many couples chose not to have them, no matter what age they get together.

Early on, most people are comparably inexperienced. Over time, most people get some amount of experience, usually a mix of good and bad.

By the time you get to your 30s and especially by the time you get to your 40s, only a trivial number of people have negligible experience.

How do you date someone who was been divorced or widowed when you've got minimal experience? They're bringing expectations to the table of what a relationship entails. You don't have relationship baggage to bring to the table, but you also don't know how to help them stow theirs.

How do you live with someone after a decade or two living alone?

How do you satisfy a partner physically who knows what they like while you don't really know what you like, have no techniques for or experience at pleasuring someone?

I'm not suggesting flings are a healthy or productive substitute. They teach you very little. They don't teach any of the skills you need to sustain a relationship. Relationships require work.

The longer you go without a serious, sustained relationship the greater the gulf grows between you and almost everyone else. Even between you and most other ND people.