7 'Therapy Speak' Terms People Get Wrong

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7 'Therapy Speak' Terms People Get Wrong, According to Psychologists by Maggie O'Neill, health, June 15, 2023.

The seven commonly-misused terms, discussed in the above-linked article, are:

- Gaslighting
- Narcissism
- Boundaries
- Trauma
- Attachment Styles
- OCD
- Self-care

I've noticed that on WP sometimes.
Some people refer to trauma at the slightest hint of inconvenience to their lives.
They call people narcissists when they haven't been dx NPD.
OCD has historically been used in a derogative or satirical way.
I haven't seen people discuss attachment styles.
The only person who referenced boundaries to me had no clue what that meant.
I think most people know what gaslighting is, however.

I think I've only seen "boundaries" and "gaslighting" used to belittle or negate someone else's wishes or ideas, and to get one's way. Both are legitimate, but in practice I have rarely seen them used as such.

If someone doesn't like what you are saying, especially a slight criticism or correction, they accuse you of gaslighting. What they mean is, "I am right and you are wrong because I say so. Don't you dare contradict me or have any thoughts of your own."

And boundaries are used to mean "It's my way or the highway," but worse, because it paints someone as a bad person for not caving to anything the other person might want. It usually means, "Don't ever criticize me and don't ever go against my wishes regardless of your own needs or wishes." It's also used to attack behavior that can't be helped, like when someone is upset and might react badly to a stressful situation, instead of acknowledging that sometimes people can get emotionally overwhelmed.

Where do you see that?

I guess I don't socialise with people who aren't well versed in mental health as providers or patients.

Everyone I know in real life who uses the terms uses them properly, but I don't get out much.

* I have seen it used poorly in social media or on TV though *

The bottom line of the OP article:

I'm wondering about misusing the term "boundaries".
To me, it's like "I'm okay with this, I can tolerate that but don't you dare enter this region with me or I will become nasty or stop any contact". Very useful in staying on friendly terms with e.g. religious/politial fanatics or horny guys.
Also, making my mind about what is within my power and responsibility and what is someone else's problem. Surprisingly important in the very closest relationships.

I'm wondering how wrong I am or how other people understand the term.

I feel like it's less a matter of these terms being "gotten wrong" and more a matter of the terms being subverted and misused.

It's one thing to say "irony" when you mean "coincidence".

It's quite another matter to invoke the term "trauma!" any time something unpleasant occurs.
Or hurl the term "bullying!" any time someone doesn't let you have your way.
Or cry "abuse!" any time they have to do something inconvenient.

I daresay it has less to do with not understanding the term, and more to do with not caring what the term actually means, so long as it makes for a handy excuse, justification, or rationalization.

I see many many people subvert the terms mentioned in the OP - not only here on WP, but pretty much anyplace people exist. Even live in the real world. I've had to axe friends cos they wouldn't stop blaming everything else for their own personal screw-ups.

One I would add to the list is the notion of being "toxic" - I've seen, and known, plenty of people who would engage in bad behavior, and then when called out on it, label the person who called them out as "toxic", and claim they're being "attacked".

@ Magz

Regarding boundaries, it mostly relates to the reasonableness of boundaries. It's perfectly fair to have a boundary such as what you've described - "I am ok with THIS, but not THAT", such as "I will lend someone $5, but I will not lend someone $50" - but it's an entirely different matter to have a boundary which states "if you're my friend, you must accept me for who I am and never criticize me or leave me, no matter what", and then act like an utterly horrible person, expect to not be criticized, and get mad when your friend leaves you.

Most people understand the term "boundaries" in the way you've taken it. Some however, do take it as a license to set one-sided expectations which are tilted in their favor.

I've seen quite a bit of what seems to me to be over-use of the term "gaslighting." Some people seem to regard almost any disagreement as "gaslighting."

Yes, the problem as I see it is that it all becomes a convenient excuse and allows someone to criticize another person from a supposedly moral high ground.

There's an article I saw a while back about the actor Jonah Hill using therapy terms to be a controlling and judgmental person toward his girlfriend. An excerpt:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... jonah-hill

Because therapy does not fix people. It may help them fixing themeselves if they are motivated to do the hard work.

As summed up by this old joke: How many therapists do you need to change a lightbulb?

BTW, the question can therapy be harmful? has an answer yes. Like any medication, if applied wrongly, it can do harm. My second attempt at therapy was harmful because the therapist deeply misunderstood me. One of WP members used to have "therapy" that was completely under control of their abusive family. Therapy can be powerful and anything powerful can be harmful when used wrongly.

I have always been harmed by therapy. And yet I don't know what else to do, and I am seeing a therapist now. She seems to be good, but some of the others also seemed good at first. With some other therapists I had misgivings about them from the beginning. But, again, what else is there?

I too feel that I was deeply misunderstood, and that nearly every time the therapist had their own ideas that were fixed and they were not open to listening, which seems ironic because listening is most of their job. I have seen maybe half a dozen therapists over the years, not including ones that were so obviously terrible that I only saw them once.

It's relatively recent that there has been an acknowledgment that therapy can be harmful. And even now there is often pushback or bafflement when it's brought up. Even here on WP, where I would expect more bad experiences with therapy than among the general population due to our ASD being misinterpreted.