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Sweetleaf
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20 Sep 2023, 2:54 am

Anyone else feel like they missed their childhood due to depression...?

I mean I am glad now I don't have to go to school and deal with all that, but I still feel like I missed out since I spent most of the time feeling depressed and not really enjoying things...I'd get lost in a good moment sometimes but overall I wasn't enjoying anything was all overshadowed by my parents constantly fighting...idk somehow my siblings were better able to block it out like even if it bothered them they were better about putting it aside to enjoy the day wheras that crap would wear on me all day and coming home it felt like the tension was so thick between my parents you'd need a really sharp knife to cut through it. I hated it, but yeah I guess also those two were better at making friends too so they had more oppurtunities to stay at friends houses to avoid that stuff.


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Misslizard
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20 Sep 2023, 9:38 am

Yes, my adopted dad( great uncle ) died when I was seven.Early childhood loss sucks.School also depressed me, sensory issues and a few bullies.
There were still some good times , I can’t say it was all bad.


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IsabellaLinton
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20 Sep 2023, 10:46 am

Depression is genetic in my family so I think I had it in terms of the clinical presentation as opposed to feeling "sad". I didn't feel sad per se, but I felt like an undiagnosed autistic girl would feel - trapped behind a glass wall, being an outsider to your own existence. I was actually kind of a spaz but that was mostly from anxiety.


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funeralxempire
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20 Sep 2023, 2:36 pm

Sometimes.

I just wish it was diagnosed earlier because that would have probably made my autism get diagnosed sooner as well. :|


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blitzkrieg
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20 Sep 2023, 2:53 pm

My childhood was the only time I wasn't depressed, as soon as I hit puberty I became depressed and the depression has remained since.



naturalplastic
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20 Sep 2023, 4:03 pm

More like Blitz. Childhood was ok. Adolescence sucked.



TwilightPrincess
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20 Sep 2023, 8:22 pm

I was a very anxious kid. Sometimes I wanted to die to make the panic attacks stop.



bee33
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21 Sep 2023, 8:44 pm

I don't think I was depressed but I did spend most of my childhood trying to not be noticed and trying to get by by copying whatever other people were doing. I was kind of fearful because everything seemed hard to understand while other people just sailed on through, it seemed to me. I learned that if I just said whatever came to mind it was the wrong thing to say, not that there was a bad reaction or that I was scolded, but people would chuckle when I didn't think I had said anything funny, or they would reply with a comment I didn't expect and was dumbfounded by. So I just tried to lie low.

But I was fortunate in that my parents and my family were nice, although my parents were kind of inflexible, especially my dad. He didn't ever take it out on us though, but it still felt like there were a lot of rules that were sometimes unknowable. I relied on my sister a lot and just followed her around.

In retrospect, all of this seems to be explainable by my own (relatively mild) ASD, and I now think my dad was on the spectrum as well.



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22 Sep 2023, 12:46 pm

I had severe anxiety and depression as a child and hated myself. First considered suicide at age 14. No one helped then and no one can help now



bee33
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22 Sep 2023, 11:43 pm

AprilR wrote:
I had severe anxiety and depression as a child and hated myself. First considered suicide at age 14. No one helped then and no one can help now
I have had crappy experiences with therapists, but even so I would suggest trying to find one whom you can at least talk to. Even if they have no solutions, it can be helpful just to talk. I know you've probably heard this before and I apologize for intruding.