Some NTs actively like autistics

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Thought I would post about an experience I had recently that changed my view of how friendships can work between autistics and NTs.

I was having a conversation in a small group, and the topic of disability and autism came up. Feeling comfortable in this group, I disclosed that I was autistic, and we started talking about all the things that meant. One of the other people in the group (who I had met previously and had felt an almost immediate connection with) talked about how her previous partners had been autistic, and how much she appreciated our explicit communication style. She went on to list a few other things that she admired about autistic people, like our tendency to be honest and have deep interests, and that she found she preferred them as friends and partners (I can attest her current partner, while not diagnosed, is very likely autistic).

Honestly this is not something that was even in my conceptual universe before this conversation: the notion that some NTs actually prefer talking to and having relationships with autistic people over other NTs. I always thought of myself as just inherently less desirable to have a relationship with for NTs. Apparently this is not always the case. I have since talked to several other NTs about this (including my own partner) and confirmed this is very much a thing. Not *super* common, but those people are out there. It's definitely raised my expectations for friendships moving forward, and the level of acceptance and respect that I expect.

My late wife was one.

It sounds a bit white knight, but it's obviously a good thing

I live in a place where autism is accepted. Not every place is accepting, but some places are. You just have to find which area works for you.

That gives me a lot of hope.

To me, this is not a surprise nor something new.
Though I've never met anyone who does this yet.


I've meet one who likes the idea of being with autistics, and the idea of autism; the quirkiness and nerdiness -- but is actually into normalization and has 'hopes' this person changes or some 'fix them' shite.
So this person does not count, nor is the same thing as being mentioned in this thread hopefully.


Though I would like that -- an NT who's willing to learn how to 'get it'.

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I definitely think a marriage between an autistic person and a neurotypical person can work. As long as they love each other and have patience and respect for each other, I think things will go just fine.

ummm there are literally hundreds of WP members who are married to NTs? It's not that rare

Something else to remember is that there are more undiagnosed autistic people out there than diagnosed. Whenever proper studies have taken random large amounts of people and assessed them, they always find the autistic results much higher than official figures suggest.
One expert went round the world assessing (Using local psychologists to do the assessments for him) and he found that regardless of race or country, he had a consistent average of 6% of the random group of people he assessed were on the spectrum. He had these checked many times and came to the conclusion that most healthcare systems only assess those who have gone through trauma or display obvious symptoms when young. They do not assess unless they see a reason, which means they are only getting at best a third of those who are on the spectrum. (He said the countries with the best healthcare had two and a half percent of the population diagnosed. He said third world countries were averaging one and a half percent of their population or less. Is interesting!
I want to find the talk this man did again. Was over an hour long but was fascinating. He is a doctor (Doctor as in a doctorship) of psychology specializing in the assessment process.

More than a few times in my autistic life, someone will ask me, "Are you making fun of me?"

I say, "No. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing about you."

Usually, they don't get the distinction, but it's critical. If I'm laughing at someone, that means I find them to be ridiculous, and they should change. If I'm laughing about someone, I'm enjoying who they are just they way they are.

It goes both ways. My wife is neurotypical. She obviously prefers me to just about anyone else. She laughs about me all the time. I tell people my wife is also my best friend. I don't have a lot of those, almost none, but people like her, they're out there.

The real trick is finding a boss who feels the same way, so I can hold down a job.

This is not surprising for me. There were a few people in my life that i suspect were drawn to my strangeness. Though I felt like some sort guinea pig for them to analyze which was uncomfortable for me.