I really don't know where to put this but due to some conversations with people on WP, a big light bulb/ Eureka/ aha moment went off in my life.
I've known for a while that my mum is a narcissist but I couldn't understand why she didn't fit in with the stereotype of the negative, unpopular narcissist who alienated everyone, had no friends etc. My mum was always positive... about EVERYTHING. Always looking on the bright side, always dismissing anything negative with a clichéd platitude.
Even serious events like my dad's death, my nervous breakdown, my suicide attempt. All brushed away with a platitude.
As a result of mum's positivity, she had a wide circle of friends, we had lots of parties, holidays, events. They were great fun, genuinely. But I've realised now that she more or less bullied everyone into such things- no negativity was allowed, we all had to join in, be fun, uplifting.
Because of course going to fun parties at my house was fine, because they were only a few hours long. But living with my mum 24/7 and having to keep up the pretence of being absolutely fine 24/7 was impossible. Even her old friend said to me the other day that most activities she did with my mum were at my mum's instigation, so it sounds like mum dragged her along, she didn't initiate many herself.
Quote:
Narcissistic people like to set the emotional thermostat in the room. They want things to be great all the time, and they want people to mirror their artificially grandiose, positive worldview. When they ask you how you are, what they want to hear is that everything is great... That's the only answer they find acceptable.
Frequently, in a narcissistic relationship, the only person with freedom to express any kind of negative emotion is the narcissist. It's the ultimate in control.
And if somebody responds to that question by recounting a problem they're experiencing, the narcissist (unable to take stock of their own privilege or fortunate position) may well find a way to blame that person for their own bad luck, saying they don't have a positive attitude.
Here is the video:
When narcissists use positivity to control youhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWH1iRSIzxsHere is the article:
How Narcissists Use Positivity to Manipulate and Control Their PartnersWhich is basically the same, just shorter.
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a3 ... durvasula/
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That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.
Last edited by KitLily on 04 Oct 2023, 11:17 am, edited 2 times in total.
04 Oct 2023, 9:25 am
