Worried that feeling "left behind" will never go away

Post Reply New Topic

Me and Chris, my mum's partner were having a chat earlier about why he is concerned that I am not always a "normal" routine to life from morning to evening, he keeps telling about how I miss breakfasts sometimes when I'm off work and don't eat until 1 or 2pm, sometimes getting up late when I need to be in town early for work and end sometimes panicking myself because I'm late when I know it's my own fault and then end up feeling not in a good mood because I've had no time for coffee or breakfast and end up waiting until lunch break, sometimes having a bath in the evenings when everyone has gone to bed and the noise ends up keeping people awake and sometimes not going to sleep until 2, 3 or 4 in the morning.

He tells me that it would make me happier if I stuck to a more "normal" life routine and that it's not normal for a 30 plus year old man to be doing and I got sick and tired of hearing about my age being mentioned. I have sometimes done things differently at a more reasonable time but then end up relapsing again as though they are habits and I tell him that I know these habits are not normal and I say things will change but he doesn't really feel sure that I will even if I meet someone and that I'll continue to stick to my usual routines and habits. He has even expressed his concern that I might end up becoming a recluse when my parents are no longer around and because on my days I'm not always going out. He tells me he isn't telling me off he is just reminding me about how other people go through in life.

I feel like what he's saying is re-igniting the feelings of missing out and falling behind in life again and him saying I'm isolating myself is just then making feel bad or that I am wasting life or missing out on life because I am not going regularly to bars, parties, concerts, days out to places etc with other people because I have few friends and they are not going out types and I've explained that I'm not one of these people who goes out for a drink with friends every fortnight on a weekend and I know I remember my dad once trying to get me to go and meet people who were on the spectrum as me and went to a social club for people with autism and other conditions but it left me feeling like I didn't fit in because I was more mild, high functioning and social than they were.

It also just re-ignites the worry of falling behind because some of my peers are starting to become parents. It sometimes makes me feel like 30s aren't a time to still have more freedom, fun and time for myself to enjoy and that it becomes serious and about settling down and less enjoyment and because my peers are doing that then I feel this need to "catch up" in order to be part of society. It's almost like I'm feeling the same way as woman in her 30s feels as though she needs to hurry and have kids and it's the hurry in my head that upsets me as though I've got no time anymore to delay it because its as though it didn't matter 10 years ago in my 20s because I could wait and didn't have to worry and that if I were to wait for a partner and children for another 10 years it will be far too late because biological reasons.

Do you actually want children on a personal level? You don't have to feel like you owe society children, or that you should be expected to have children.

You don't have to have kids.

Also, the opinion of your Mum's partner probably doesn't factor in that you have autism. Autistic people are known to be night owls, so it is not surprising you are up into the early hours. Many ND folk are, too.

Try to take it easy & worry less.

Chris sounds like he's making a fuss over nothing. Don't worry about it.

He has said to me in response to me saying things will change or happen when they happen but it's like well yeah, but when though by the time you are 45, 50, 55, 60 ?. He knows I'm autistic but he also knows I want to fit in to "normal" society but he reminds me that I don't always seem to follow the habits or routines of a "normal" life and end up doing things at a later stage when I could have done it earlier like having a meal earlier, having a wash earlier, going to bed earlier etc. I know he is saying this to help me but I still can't help but feel upset about it.