Does anyone not like it when told they will make friends?

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I'm in a new virtual group and it bothers me when my close friend tells me I will probably make friends in the group. Here's thing: I have some online friends but only 2 in person friends and I don't see them too often. So I recently started joining a online aspie group and and I feel like saying "what friends?" If I make friends the chances are for me are close to zero. I hate it when people tell me I will make friends. I have more acquaintances and strangers in my life than friends.

That's true for everyone, especially the more strictly someone defines friend.

Saying that you will "probably" make friends in any given online group is probably an exaggeration. But there might be things you could do to increase your chances of making friends in whatever group(s) you join.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 27 Oct 2023, 6:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think people overestimate the ability of autistic people to make friends and underestimate the difficulties with which autistic people face to have a friend that stays the course.

Being a part of a virtual group seems an unlikely way to meet an irl friend.

A lot of people make friends through work, being colleagues with a person before they work their way up to friendship.

This is an issue for a lot of autistic folk since employment levels for autistic people are low in general.

Unlikely, but certainly possible if you happen to have enough in common and also happen to live near each other. I've made two in-person friends here on WP.

I have made in-person friendships with some people related to WP in the distant past, but not recently.

I like my friends to be long-term. Not lasting just a few years.

That's true. My daughter has autism and she's quite successful socially.

I like longterm friendships too. How long my new friendships will last remains to be seen. I hope they will last long and deepen.

No.

I have not liked it when I tried and failed to make friends, or when the friends I had made turned against me.

People have never told me I would make friends anywhere.
I was raised by wolves, don't forget.
There were no pep talks.

I am glad to hear that, babybird.

Yes! Most people don't understand that things that seem ordinary to them are hard for some other people! Especially other autistic people, but it can also be true of anyone. There are so many things that I find insurmountable and some people think I just need encouragement or a pep talk. In the distant past when I was young and naive I sometimes tried to follow their advice ("You're just anxious. Once you get there and do it it will be fine.") with disastrous and painful or mortifying results.

Never really had any friends, the concept is a bit lost on me honestly. I otherwise have one person of interest thats has remained for the last almost 7 years. It isn't definable as a friend, relationship of anythinging defined by dictionary definition, based on its infrequency, and that has seemed enough for me.

Yeah, I feel you.

There are many things in life that I am told I should do but which I lack the ability to regularly do, as part of a routine behaviour.

People just assume everyone is as able as them, in any area of skill that is commonly known to be 'easy' or 'common sense' or whatever. This is especially relevant to social instances as you describe.

They don’t tell me that but people tell me I don’t have friends. That hurts even more. I can’t help it if I can’t make friends.

It drives me crazy when people tell me that I will make friends. I find it very hard to make good friends and I'm lucky to have the two close friends that I have. It takes me a while to open up to people.