Do I ask for my book back or just drop it?

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Ceallaigh
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24 Oct 2023, 7:31 pm

A friend moved to another state and accidentally packed a book that I had lent her quite a while before that. She's been gone for a year or more. She's planning a visit back here soon. Do I ask her to bring my book or just drop it? Also if I DO ask for it, does being extra polite make it better, or easier to accept? I kinda feel like it's been so long since she borrowed it, that maybe I should just accept that I'm not going to ever get the book back and just let it go, but I really don't want that to be the case.
Thanks in advance!



Fnord
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24 Oct 2023, 7:38 pm

Sure, ask her, "Do you still have that book you borrowed?"  If she says 'yes' then ask if she will bring it back.

If she says 'no' or claims that it was a gift, then maybe let the matter drop.


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IsabellaLinton
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24 Oct 2023, 7:53 pm

Did she tell you she accidentally packed it, or is it possible she got rid of it before moving?

If you know she packed it I'd just say something like "Hey, I don't want to trouble you but since you're coming anyway would you be able to bring that book with you?"

If she doesn't have it she might feel guilted into paying you for it, which might be a good thing (wink).



rse92
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25 Oct 2023, 1:57 pm

Fnord wrote:
Sure, ask her, "Do you still have that book you borrowed?"  If she says 'yes' then ask if she will bring it back.

If she says 'no' or claims that it was a gift, then maybe let the matter drop.


I agree with this post.



blitzkrieg
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25 Oct 2023, 1:59 pm

There's no harm in asking for it back.



Ceallaigh
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25 Oct 2023, 10:37 pm

Thank you all so much for the replies. She did in fact tell me she packed it. It had sat on her dining table for a very long time and then she packed it without thinking. Is it possible she said that and didn't mean it? Perhaps. I've been burned way too many times when lending books! My brother "accidentally" (I use quotes because he HAD to know the book was mine because of the topic -about nutrition as medicine) SOLD it! Anyway, my friend borrowed this book to help her with college, it's an MLA Handboook. I told her at the time to just use it as long as she needed it because I wouldn't need it until my son, now 15, needed it for high school essay writing. Thanks again, y'all! I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think. I will ask her to bring it if she can.



rse92
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26 Oct 2023, 9:29 am

Ask her to bring it. Don’t give her the “if you can” hedge because she may figure out she had no room in her bags, etc.



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26 Oct 2023, 9:37 am

Maybe add the fact that it would be very useful for son when you ask.


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Ceallaigh
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26 Oct 2023, 5:49 pm

I asked! She said she saw it this summer and put it somewhere so she wouldn't forget it. So, she'll look for it tomorrow. I'm hoping that her putting it somewhere so she won't forget it, is less of a black hole than when I do it. :lol: Thanks again everyone!



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27 Oct 2023, 5:52 am

Ceallaigh wrote:
Anyway, my friend borrowed this book to help her with college, it's an MLA Handboook. I told her at the time to just use it as long as she needed it because I wouldn't need it until my son, now 15, needed it for high school essay writing.

I would suggest reminding her about this when you ask for the book back.


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Ceallaigh
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03 Nov 2023, 9:15 pm

I'm seeing her tomorrow from brunch and she HAS the book! My dysgraphic (along with adhd & ASD) is not as excited about it as I am. :lol: :lol: Steady and gentle is how I teach and guide him (we homeschool) so it'll be fine. :D

Thank you all for encouraging me to ask for the book! :heart: :D



Ceallaigh
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05 Dec 2023, 9:49 pm

I am indeed lucky! It has not always been so. I lent a book, a sort of dictionary about the healing properties of foods, to my brother and he SOLD it! I've never quite recovered from that. I'm always suspicious after the fact. In the moment I am lending my book, I'm sure of their intention to get my book back to me in good quality. (Or sure of their disregard when I say no.) After the book has been lent, or denied, I'm not sure sure. Sometimes, I say that they can come to my house and look at the book here. However, that really only works with reference books.



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05 Dec 2023, 9:53 pm

Ceallaigh wrote:
I am indeed lucky! It has not always been so. I lent a book, a sort of dictionary about the healing properties of foods, to my brother and he SOLD it! I've never quite recovered from that. I'm always suspicious after the fact. In the moment I am lending my book, I'm sure of their intention to get my book back to me in good quality. (Or sure of their disregard when I say no.) After the book has been lent, or denied, I'm not sure sure. Sometimes, I say that they can come to my house and look at the book here. However, that really only works with reference books.


I'd just ask for collateral.


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