“Be yourself and you’ll attract the right friends”

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BugsBunnyFan
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22 Nov 2023, 9:09 am

Is this true at all for you? I don’t think it’s true for me. I know if I act like “myself”, I’ll probably have naive autistic vibes. I’ll attract people towards me, but they sure won’t be the right people. I’ll probably attract a mix of NTs with a hero complex and creepy guys looking to take advantage of a girl they see as naive. I know I’ll also attract autistic guys who are super into me and don’t care that I don’t date guys.



Minervx_2
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22 Nov 2023, 10:15 am

This is generally true.

But

1) It still is a process of trial and error. Most people aren't compatible enough with us to be close friends. You may need to meet 100 people to find 1 close friend.

2) Sadly, most/all women who interact with men, that you have to filter out men who are trying to hit on you. I don't think it's anything you're doing wrong.



BTDT
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22 Nov 2023, 10:35 am

It is too much energy to fake it and many will burn out trying.
Better to be yourself.
Most people aren't as normal as we think they are.



Mikurotoro92
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22 Nov 2023, 10:53 am

I have been told this too and I think it's 100% true!

Not just for friendship but for finding love as well

In both cases you want to be yourself and act natural so people can see the real you which makes it easier to be vulnerable to a potential partner or friend


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BugsBunnyFan
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22 Nov 2023, 10:58 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
I have been told this too and I think it's 100% true!

Not just for friendship but for finding love as well

In both cases you want to be yourself and act natural so people can see the real you which makes it easier to be vulnerable to a potential partner or friend

No girls seem to be into me. Only creepy guys. Like I said before I think I’d also attract NTs with a hero complex. I hate that.



blitzkrieg
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22 Nov 2023, 11:00 am

My authentic self is too blunt for most people to handle.



AprilR
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22 Nov 2023, 11:34 am

Yeah, i think the exact same thing.
Growing up most of my friends were motherly type of girls who want to help me. It is sad but i never felt equal with them bc of that.

And as for men, as an adult, it is dangerous to appear naive i think. You have to act a bit more worldly than your own self



BugsBunnyFan
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22 Nov 2023, 11:48 am

AprilR wrote:
Yeah, i think the exact same thing.
Growing up most of my friends were motherly type of girls who want to help me. It is sad but i never felt equal with them bc of that.

And as for men, as an adult, it is dangerous to appear naive i think. You have to act a bit more worldly than your own self

What’s a good way of keeping motherly types away?



bee33
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22 Nov 2023, 12:02 pm

It's kind of a dance because yes you want to be genuine but also you have to be considerate, not just in terms of being polite but considerate of their likes and dislikes and points of view. Like if they say they like a certain type of movie, you don't have to pretend to love it but it would be off-putting to just blurt out, "I hate those movies." Or if you like to monologue about your interests and don't show any in theirs, that's not very considerate. You can still be yourself but tone it down a little so it doesn't overwhelm.



ToughDiamond
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22 Nov 2023, 2:30 pm

bee33 wrote:
It's kind of a dance because yes you want to be genuine but also you have to be considerate, not just in terms of being polite but considerate of their likes and dislikes and points of view. Like if they say they like a certain type of movie, you don't have to pretend to love it but it would be off-putting to just blurt out, "I hate those movies." Or if you like to monologue about your interests and don't show any in theirs, that's not very considerate. You can still be yourself but tone it down a little so it doesn't overwhelm.

I agree with that. I've always tended to find most of my friends are rather mild-mannered, sensitive types. Not realising that, back in the day I'd begun to see that I'd been bottling my anger, which felt unhealthy, so I thought I'd better start letting it out more freely. I meant no harm. I didn't express it by attacking anybody very hard. I just shouted and slammed things down a bit, or I'd make blunt and vitreolic comments. I was surprised and disappointed when it scared people away. I was amazed at how careful I had to be to find less overwhelming, more constructive ways of expressing my anger.

I still struggle to listen to other people's interests in real time, and find myself hogging the conversation because my brain wiring is so slow to take in new information. If somebody presents a new idea, my initial gut reaction is often hostile, but if I'm given time I start to mellow and to appreciate it. That's not possible in a real life conversation. Dad used to do the same thing, and I wrongly judged him to be selfish. No doubt many people wrongly judge me to be selfish.



lostonearth35
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22 Nov 2023, 10:08 pm

That's a load of succotash. It's only really okay to be yourself if "being yourself" means being like everyone else. The human race hates people who don't fit in any social "group". :(



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22 Nov 2023, 10:24 pm

I think it's better for me to be myself and enjoy my life than it is for me to try to blend in just to be miserable. I tried blending in while I was in high school and I was as miserable as an old man. I don't want to feel that way ever again. That's why I'm true to myself, helmet and all.


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jamie0.0
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22 Nov 2023, 11:53 pm

I struggled a lot with this in my youth and i have learned that I think there's a fine balance.

Being yourself doesn't mean being overly open your friends don't need to know 100% about you. I'm sure there's stuff everyone does or thinks that may be off putting to some, so when I hide something, it doesn't mean I'm not myself, it's just information I choose not to disclose.

On the other hand, faking being someone you're not for the sake of making friends, doesn't work in the long run. Because in the end, they are friends with the fictitious character you've made up.

The best way I can describe it is. When I try and make friends, I try and present the best version of myself while still staying true with my own sense of identity



GreenVelvetWorm
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23 Nov 2023, 12:39 am

I've had better luck making real connections with people when I mask less (and it always seems to be other ND people that I connect with)

I think it's true that being yourself makes it more likely that you'll find the right people. However, being yourself also means allowing yourself to be vulnerable, which inherently comes with risk. It's a trade off, and you need to decide for yourself when it's worth it



Benjamin the Donkey
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23 Nov 2023, 12:49 am

When I was younger, I attracted a large number fake or unreliable "friends" because of pretending to be someone I wasn't, including masking. Nowadays, I don't hide my eccentricities, so the friends I have know the real me and are much more genuine.


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BugsBunnyFan
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23 Nov 2023, 1:19 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
When I was younger, I attracted a large number fake or unreliable "friends" because of pretending to be someone I wasn't, including masking. Nowadays, I don't hide my eccentricities, so the friends I have know the real me and are much more genuine.

I feel like coming across as eccentric or autistic attracts patronizing NTs.