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Aspergers445
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26 Nov 2023, 11:44 am

Does anyone else apart from me feel they have to mask at work in order to fit in and keep their jobs? Even though I disclosed my autism 4 years ago to my current job now I still feel like a burden and in order not to face consequences and get the sack and earn money I have to pretend to be someone else. It is exhausting and it can take me a while to recover from it.

Anyone feel the same way or is it just me?



apologeticon
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12 Dec 2023, 9:29 am

I was open about my autism when I started my last job almost four years ago, but my boss very quickly became dismissive. Whenever I needed extra support because of the autism, he would tell me I wasn't actually autistic and I just needed to be more social. At the time we had an autistic student who needed a lot of support, and because I wasn't like her, he decided I was fine. He couldn't accept that because I was older than this student, I'd developed my "mask" and coping mechanisms, so I was quite good at hiding my true autistic self. When I did let it slip, he seemed shocked. I've since left that position and am slowly clawing back my deteriorated mental health.

I intend to be open about autism in future jobs, but I know masking will always be a part of it, and the exhaustion associated with constantly pretending to be someone I'm not.



Moonlight999
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14 Dec 2023, 11:51 am

I found out that even if I do my best to mask, my true self will always someway be seen and people will make comments.
Neither way will work, whether I try to act extroverted (which by the way will also make me more and more exhausted, making it more and more difficult to mask) or whether I show my true self.
Work environments are very cruel and no amount of acting will ever be enough for them.



DanielW
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14 Dec 2023, 12:06 pm

It always intrigues and confuses me when people ask if they should mask or feel like they have to mask as if there is a choice. Its never been like that for me - I don't have a choice I simply DO mask as I was trained/tortured from age 3 into doing.



Mr_F
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18 Dec 2023, 9:45 am

Aspergers445 wrote:
Does anyone else apart from me feel they have to mask at work in order to fit in and keep their jobs? Even though I disclosed my autism 4 years ago to my current job now I still feel like a burden and in order not to face consequences and get the sack and earn money I have to pretend to be someone else. It is exhausting and it can take me a while to recover from it.

Anyone feel the same way or is it just me?


I can really relate to this - I have masked at work all of my working life! Recently turned 41 and was diagnosed with ASD level 1, so I never realised I was masking to try and make myself fit into the workplace and pretty much every social scenario.

Its incredibly draining when I finish work for the day, because I can switch out of character and try to switch off. :|



shortfatbalduglyman
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24 Dec 2023, 5:38 pm

Yes, "emotional labor"

Some coworkers and customers and day laborers make a lot of rude actions and statements.

For example:
"Chino"
Physically touching me
Saying "huh" and "what" instead of "excuse me"
Barking at me to load their merchandise

And the training videos say if the customer is rude, tell the supervisor

But I have been working here for over three years and not once called the supervisor, because everyone has subconscious biases. For all I know, the boss might be having sex with the customer.

The boss might make my worthless corpse redundant (worse case scenario)

The boss might ban the customer (best case scenario). But I have no idea if that is going to happen. Besides, there is no way to enforce a ban on a customer. Home Depot is so public.

Constantly overpowered outsmarted outnumbered

Annoying lil dipshits get away with whatever they want

While I have to always repress emotions



NullPointerException
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08 Mar 2024, 6:46 pm

Any of you care to share any masking advices?
Any thoughts on what NT ppl like or expect?
Maybe some set of a "good vocabulary" or tips on how to read social situations?
Should I get acting classes or something?
Any advises appreciated, feel free to spam me in PM if too long or sensitive (after all it's somewhat secret knowledge).
I literally feeling like dealing with aliens and need to blend in or they catch me and expel from their planet :P


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SocOfAutism
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11 Mar 2024, 3:41 pm

I really don't think it's a good idea to be too out and proud at work. I used to pansy foot around about this but now I'm just saying it's best to keep a lower profile. Don't make yourself into a problem. Get accommodations in a soft way whenever possible.

Over time, autistic people can easily rise above non-autistic people in most workplaces. You just have to stay the course. Remember that you have more good points than bad ones. Most of you are surrounded by expendable people. You are the odd person who the workplace cannot do without. If you leave, they will end up hiring another one of you because the rest of the place will not work without your odd skills.

Sell yourself on what comes easy to most autists:
*Honesty
*Loyalty
*Quality of work
*Efficiency
*Dependability

Explain that you are not the best "team member" (a buzz word!) when it comes to:
*In-person meetings (wastes time)
*Interpersonal conflict (you don't make it, don't know how to deal with it)
*Vague communication (efficiency again)
*Reading between the lines (efficiency)

But that you have found in the past that ways you can "work around" these "challenges" is to:
*Organize
*Set schedules
*Have clear work tasks
*Have clear work goals

Be positive and strong and your workplace will respond accordingly.



NullPointerException
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14 Mar 2024, 7:05 pm

Well they don't like the Honesty part for sure :lol: pretty much it makes ppl forget everything else :P

Unfortunately 'interpersonal meetings' is a must :lol: being dragged to after work meetings too :roll: and the guilt trips if you don't feel like it :roll:


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