Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

Highly_Autistic
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 22 Aug 2018
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 286

01 Dec 2023, 5:27 pm

I think not.

But some people go from 0 social skills to having friends and relationships. How do they succeed to do that



uncommondenominator
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Aug 2019
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,208

01 Dec 2023, 6:13 pm

Social skills are very much learned skills.

People go from poor social skills to effective social skills because they learn and practice them.



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,464
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

01 Dec 2023, 7:42 pm

Sure it is.

But the specifics can range from the culture's contexts and relationship dynamics to attention regulation and articulation.



There's practice, exposure, and familiarity.

And then there's figuring it out -- that one or several factors that's been influencing your way of interacting and performing.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.


BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,113

01 Dec 2023, 7:52 pm

I interact very well with people of high intelligence. Engineers in particular because they often have trouble finding people to talk to who understand them. I get them, so they want to talk to me. It can be very frustrating for someone with a sophisticated educational background to talk to someone who doesn't know much.



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 15,090
Location: United Kingdom

01 Dec 2023, 7:53 pm

If you get out of the way any mental problems such as anxiety, or at least manage those issues, then socialising can be easier, but as an autistic person you should expose yourself to social situations often to maintain and retain existing social skills (what little that you may have).



Campingbare
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 218
Location: Central Florida

23 Dec 2023, 11:53 pm

BTDT wrote:
I interact very well with people of high intelligence. Engineers in particular because they often have trouble finding people to talk to who understand them. I get them, so they want to talk to me. It can be very frustrating for someone with a sophisticated educational background to talk to someone who doesn't know much.


Here, here!


_________________
Broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 139 of 200 Your neurotypical score: 60 of 200
Aspie Quiz (v5) 155 of 200 .. AQ 48 . Detailed Aspie Quotient for adults 1,540 out of 2,200 (70%)
RAADS-R Total 192 of 240 Social Problems 91 Circumscribed Interests 42 Language 19 Sensory Motor 40
Meyer-Briggs: INTP Comorbidities: Narcolepsy, NPD, Alexithemia, Dyspraxia, Prosopagnosia, Anomia, IBS
........................If God meant for us to go around naked, we'd have been born that way........................


belijojo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Dec 2023
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Posts: 896

24 Dec 2023, 2:47 am

In a way, it's a lot like physics, you can pass the test by doing the questions, but understanding it is another thing
I guess


_________________
Enjoy discussing politics, sometimes have to beat around the bush.
Often use wrong words, really sorry


colliegrace
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Nov 2022
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,263
Location: USA

24 Dec 2023, 5:42 am

We as autistic people lack a lot of "innate" understanding of social stuff. But it can be learned.


_________________
ASD, most likely have dyscalculia & BPD as well. Also dx'd ADHD-C, but don't think it's accurate.
RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)

Also diagnosed with: seasonal depression, anxiety, OCD


BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,113

24 Dec 2023, 8:40 am

It helps if you can find people with similar interests to yours.
There are folks that met here and one partner moved to be together!
If you are on disability that can be easier than moving from a hard to find job that matches your skills and needs.

Normal people spend years in school learning to interact with others.
Folk learn clues by watching. One can tell from body language when someone doesn't know the answer when called upon.



jamie0.0
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 29 Sep 2023
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 355
Location: melbourne, australia

24 Dec 2023, 9:15 am

Some elements of socialising are learned either through observation or experience.
But, I've also witnessed at first hand an introvert trying to socialise, while they try their best, it's apparent that it's not in their nature.

Some people function better in their own company while others might function better around other people

If an introvert wants to make friends, they can definitely learn and apply social skills to make it happen, but they may feel warn out quickly.

Good luck ! :heart:



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,285

24 Dec 2023, 12:48 pm

I had to look socialising up:
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dic ... ocializing
the activity of spending time when you are not working with friends or with other people in order to enjoy yourself

Sounds simple enough. Just hanging around with people you like, and as long as you don't cause trouble then the job's more or less done. I like the part about "in order to enjoy yourself." Clearly if you worry too much about socialising "properly," you won't have much fun. It's usually the worry that puts a damper on my enjoyment of being with people.

So, it should be easy. I think apart from undue anxiety there can be another big problem - some social groups concoct a ton of complicated and unlikely rules that can be very hard to learn. Some groups aren't looking for new members, and it shows. I just stick to the ones I can cope with, the ones that aren't too much trouble.



bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,349

25 Dec 2023, 10:44 pm

colliegrace wrote:
We as autistic people lack a lot of "innate" understanding of social stuff. But it can be learned.
This.

I think that many NTs have an intuitive understanding of how to socialize and they don't have to learn it, beyond being around other people and having the opportunity to interact with them. But people with ASD might not have that innate understanding of how to socialize and have to learn how to do it. For me it's still work. I am pretty okay at it, and most people might not even notice that it's an effort. I have to always be vigilant not to just blurt out whatever is on my mind and to try to gauge how other people might feel about something I say. And it's kind of exhausting. I learned some shortcuts, like asking questions, so that the other person does most of the talking, and trying to agree or relate to whatever is being said, even if I don't actually agree or relate to it, just to try to be pleasant.