I do not deserve happiness

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Realizing that I have hurt a friend with my drama and selfishness. It hurts so bad to realize just how terrible I actually am. I want to change, and am afraid that I will go back to being okay, when that is just escaping reality. How does one actually get better? Will I ever be a good person?

I'm sorry that something happened and that your friend got hurt. I'm also sorry that it has you feeling bad about yourself as a result. If it counts for anything, we're all just humans. We make mistakes and sometimes that involves hurting each other. I don't think that doing something that hurts someone automatically makes someone a bad person. I think it's what we do from there that is a bit more telling. You seem to be showing genuine remorse and, in my experience, it's the good people who do that. I don't think it's a question of if you will ever be a good person, I think you already are one.

Now where to go from here?

I don't know what happened, so I can't suggest possible steps to take. I'm not great with relationships anyway, so I might not be the best person to give advice on that anyhow. But I do hope that you can apologize and be forgiven. I also hope you can find some ways to be gentle towards yourself right now. You are very much deserving of happiness. I hope things get better sooner than later.

Last edited by FleaOfTheChill on 04 Dec 2023, 11:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

when you learn to unconditionally love and accept yourself while simultaneously acknowledging your faults, that is a first step.

You are a good person. I know this because you are hurting now that you realize you hurt your friend.

As for when you will get better that will take time. You have identified undesired behaviors in yourself, now you need to find ways to work on improving them. They will take a long time to change but as you make progress you will feel better. Focus on the progress, ask for help if needed. Eventually you will move past those behaviors.

This happens to everyone who is a good person. Bad people just don't care and keep doing things to harm others. You do care so that makes you good.

Thank you for the kind words. I think part of it was a misunderstanding, and I was wearing him down with my negativity. I have anxiety and tend to overthink a lot, and depend on people too much. Hopefully I can be a better friend to him.

You care that your friend's feelings were hurt. That makes you a good person. If you were not a good person, you wouldn't care about having hurt his feelings.

I think you can try to apologize and make amends as a first step toward getting better at not hurting people in the future. If you don't know how to make it up to him, you can ask him what you can do that would make him feel better.

You are welcome misunderstandings happen. I actually got accused of being too negative yesterday, probably because I am realistic about situations.