Page 2 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,725
Location: the island of defective toy santas

08 Dec 2023, 11:42 pm

my emotions largely have been burnt out through overexposure. i still wish i could properly console hurting people though.



bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,395

09 Dec 2023, 10:52 am

auntblabby wrote:
my emotions largely have been burnt out through overexposure. i still wish i could properly console hurting people though.

I think you are doing that. Thank you.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,360

09 Dec 2023, 4:27 pm

auntblabby wrote:
my emotions largely have been burnt out through overexposure. i still wish i could properly console hurting people though.

I still have much to learn about that skill in real life. I've figured out a few things, but they're still percolating from intellectual understanding to actual practice:
1. Trying to offer instant solutions rarely works. Either the solution doesn't exist, or my guesswork is miles off target because I haven't listened to them or thought about it carefully enough, or they're one of these "it's not about the nail" types:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg&t=46


2. Joking aside, sometimes just listening carefully works.
3. Gestures such as putting a hand briefly on their shoulder can work, depending on the person.
4. Sometimes it helps to just make them more comfortable in ways not directly related to the problem, e.g. making them a cup of tea if they normally get comfort from that.
5. Similarly, it's sometimes good to work on strengthening their minds in the hope that they'll become strong enough to find their own solutions.

Online it's rather different, because just about the only thing we have is the ability to say things. But one guy got it right when my mother died. He just said " :cry: "



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,725
Location: the island of defective toy santas

10 Dec 2023, 1:23 am

bee33 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
my emotions largely have been burnt out through overexposure. i still wish i could properly console hurting people though.

I think you are doing that. Thank you.

you're welcome :)



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,725
Location: the island of defective toy santas

10 Dec 2023, 1:25 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
But one guy got it right when my mother died. He just said " :cry: "

sometimes the plain first lightly fly-edited thought is just what the doctor ordered. i will not say i would rely on that but once in a long while.



autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,002
Location: Alpena MI

10 Dec 2023, 8:33 am

I understand, I do hope you can find a way to comfort yourself and to find peace over this very painful issue.


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,395

11 Dec 2023, 8:54 am

Thank you to everyone. I am grateful.