Living with parents and still don't feel like moving out

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I seem to feel sometimes I feel bad (when I shouldn't) because I still live with mum and dad and yet I am not in a place of my own like a flat or something on my own if I am feeling that way or worried because I'll be viewed as "weird" or a "mummy's or daddy's boy" by some people who may want a relationship with someone who stands on their own two feet and is independent from their parents.

I feel it whines me up when some people make other adult people still living with parents look like they're have something "wrong" with them. I don't always like it when issues are raised like first time buyers in their 20s, 30s or even older struggling to buy a place of their own now compared to previous generations. It just reinforces the voice to tell me off and feel bad that I'm a grown man now and should have moved out by now or maybe 5 years ago. I know there are probably lots of people in their 20s and 30s still at home with parents and that should be reassuring me but it doesn't as I don't know who still lives at home, who lives on their own, etc and so that's why I still feel like I'm the only one.

Is there anything inherently wrong with an adult living with his or her parents? No.

Is the fact that a man in his 30s lives with his parents going to complicate his ability to find a relationship with a woman? Yes. You don't have to seem to feel that sometimes it seems it will be that way. It is.

I remember briefly seeing something on TV where a girl was dating a guy who was telling her about his parents and was close to them and the girl said she still likes a guy who is close to his parents. I don't know if it's always the case that someone won't date or have a relationship with someone because one of them still live with parents.

Living with your parents isn't a problem, if you're saving a ton of money and you don't depend on them.
Can you cook and clean, make your own appointments and financial decisions, and be an adult?

If yes, then it's smart because you'll have money and ability to move out with the right person.
If no, then keep working on those skills.
Moving out prematurely without those skills will only make matters worse.

When is prematurely? I believe the OP is in his mid 30s and does not drive.

I imagine most women would be happy for their man to have a close, loving relationship with his parents.

I didn't say it was "always the case," so please do not put words in my mouth. I expect a woman's degree for tolerance is proportionate to the man's actual dependence on his parents in his life.

Prematurely means if he moves out at any age, whether he can drive or not, in my opinion it won't attract women unless he has the skills to live independently, manage his finances, and not depend on his parents from afar. Imo women aren't going to be impressed with him having his own place if he's sunk all his money into a place they don't like, he has no savings, he treats the place like a frat house (messy), he eats takeaway every day, and he's phoning his parents all the time asking them how to do basic things. Expecting a new girlfriend to help him with laundry, etc., would likely be a dealbreaker.

Imo most women would rather that he stay with his parents until he's self-sufficient, has a downpayment for a house, and knows how to do most skills on his own. He'd have money for weekends away from the folks and if the relationship works they could buy or rent a place together using his savings (and hers), and not rely on parents at all.

I think you and I are saying much the same thing.

Example of healthy relationship with parents: (Women would like this)

"I'm taking my mother for her medical appointment so I can talk to the surgeon. "
"I've invited my parents here for Christmas and I'm doing all the cooking."
"I see my parents about once a month for lunch."
"My dad is coming around to help me fix the roof."

If they still live together:

"I'm painting my mother's room for her this week."
"I cook for my parents three nights a week" / "I do all my own cooking."
"I pay all my own bills - food, cable, phone, wifi, rent, and I pitch in for heat etc."
"I don't have a car but I get myself around by transit / Uber as needed."


Example of unhealthy relationship whether living together or not:

"My parents pay my bills for me."
"I give them a bit of money but don't know what they use it for."
"I don't know anything about my bank account, taxes, bill payments, credit score."
"I'm running late because my dad hasn't done my laundry yet."
"I don't know how to cook anything and they clean my room when I'm out."
"Something broke, so I'll have to wait for my parents to fix it."
"My mother makes all my doctor appointments because I'm scared of using the phone."



This ^ is OK if the person is truly dependent on their parents for care.
Lots of people move out to appear independent, but keep acting that ^ way.
Those people likely wouldn't attract a partner.

I do drive.

Do you have privacy with your parents, like your own space with a lock on the door?

Can you have friends and dates visit the house without your family being nosy?

Would your parents ever go out or go away for a weekend to give you some privacy with a date?

I think my own place would be tidy and organised as I hate mess and disorganisation. But I'd worry about having more takeaway food than I usually have which I don't want to have all the time as I know it's not healthy and still working sometimes on my cooking. I also feel I'd never make a girlfriend do everything for me like a parent and that I'd always insist on doing something myself and would only ask if I really need her help.

That sounds promising then. All I meant is that there isn't much value in getting your own place if your money gets tied up, you can't afford dates, and you don't have any skills to live on your own. It sounds like you're doing pretty well with being tidy so I'd recommend you work on buying your own food to cook (menu planning), as well as budgeting and financial skill so you can have a nice nest egg of savings. This is the time to buy into life insurance and investments if you can. It's harder to afford that stuff once you live independently and especially if you have kids.

I apologize for that error.

I don't have a lock but will knock or say my name before they enter to tell me something.

Yeah I'm sure I could have people visit the house but I have few friends anyway and don't hardly see them and they have hardly come to house and have only seen them when I've gone out.

I'm sure they would me and my date some privacy.

Do you have your own car?

My kids both drive but they can't afford their own car.
It would be a waste of money anyway since mine is normally available.

They're in their late 20's and live at home.
My son lived away for seven years of Uni and was self-sufficient.
Now he's working-from-home trying to save money to move out with his GF.
His GF still lives with her parents as well.
She's only 24 but she's almost finished a PhD.
She thought it would be a waste of money to move out while also in school.
She spends about half the week living with us, and half at home working.

My daughter also works from home.

I think it would be crazy for either of them to move out just for the hell of it.
It's better to stay with me and save money, plus they avoid loneliness.