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playgroundlover22695
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10 Dec 2023, 8:19 pm

My friend of over 5 years became very mad at me last week when she worked on an online discussion for her class that got deleted. She accused me of doing it because I was the only other person who had her password to her online account. The reason she gave me the password in the first place was because she would always ask me for help writing and posting things she wrote onto this website for her school. I told her that I didn't do it. I know I didn't because I was still working at my school at the time it was deleted and wasn't even on my computer. It doesn't matter. She doesn't believe me. She keeps calling me a liar and sending me a pinocchio emoji each time I deny doing it. Today when I talked to her about why she has been acting so distant towards me, she told me that she feels very uncomfortable talking to me and that I don't need to text her anymore right now because I'm a nasty unfriendly person. I really hope she gets over this, but I don't think she will. She keeps telling me that she's a cancer and cancers never forget when they are screwed over. I should also point out here that my friend has ADHD, which she thought was Autism, but just got a re-evaluation which determined it was in fact, ADHD. I don't know how to react to this. I don't appreciate being unfairly blamed for something I didn't do, but I love my friend a lot. It would hurt me too much if I never got to see or hear from her again. Today I went to the gym to work out a bit and I actually went into a family changing room, sat down on the bench, and just cried my heart out for about 5 minutes before going on the treadmill. My social worker keeps asking me week after week why I won't just sign up for the programs he gave me the info for, so I can make new friends my own age. Yesterday I finally told him it's because I don't want to be hurt again. What's the point of trying to make a friend when all they do is play nicey nice until they're ready to move on and then dump me? He seems to think that I'm jumping too far ahead and that I don't know that's what's going to happen, but I feel I have a valid point considering everyone who's dumped me in the past. :roll:



Mountain Goat
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10 Dec 2023, 9:09 pm

To get out of past senarios one has to move forward and keep the past in the past.

Fear of things not working holds one in the past. I think most of us have been in that position, and some of us have hurdles to overcome including myself.

But I thought I would mention this because it may help you.

A situation where a friend turns against you is horrible, but worse still is never finding another friend because one dare not risk trying!


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playgroundlover22695
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10 Dec 2023, 9:54 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
To get out of past senarios one has to move forward and keep the past in the past.

Fear of things not working holds one in the past. I think most of us have been in that position, and some of us have hurdles to overcome including myself.

But I thought I would mention this because it may help you.

A situation where a friend turns against you is horrible, but worse still is never finding another friend because one dare not risk trying!


I'm not saying you're wrong, but it's hard to want to get back out there after all the hurtful things people have done to me. Also, I don't want to lose my friend. I love her and I truly didn't do what she keeps accusing me of. I'm going to give her some space for a day or two, but I just want her to get over it and move on. She redid the work and she didn't get a 0. The situation was remedied in my opinion.



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10 Dec 2023, 10:14 pm

I lost someone I regarded as a friend due to the first real burnout/breakdown. My mind was bouncing back and fore through time. I messed up and beteayed a thing he said in confidence because he said it in an illogical order. He later tried to kill me but I didn't see him after that so I guess others saw his attempt. Not sure what he looks like today. I never neant to betray his confidence. When I did, half of my mind gave warning bells but I did not know why. Even after the event I went to visit him and didn't realize why he was angry. I just didn't put things together, as when I am in partial shutdowns where I sort of get strings of them when I was going through burnout/breakdown (Whatever they were), I lose what was said in myshort term memory, and the event does not fully register in details until it goes into my long term memory many months (Or even a year or two) later when I will be able to replay the event in detail. But during the time of the event I don't know what happens.
I had a similar occasion at another job where I messed up as I let another person down during another burnout breakdown when I knew I was in a partial shutdown and was fighting off a shutdown. (I can never tell people I am getting a shutdown as it would push me into a shutdown to try and tell them. I have managed on the rare event when I can catch them early enough or when I am calm). Fortunately around six months later when it hit my long term memory (I wasn't working then) I called in to explain. He did accept my apology and pretended he didn't notice when it happened, but he had noticed. He may not understand it from my perspective as one has to have experienced it to understand it.


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autisticelders
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12 Dec 2023, 8:02 am

look up "rejection sensitive dysphoria" it is pretty common for autistic folks to develop this unhealthy way of coping . I had it for years, but have got better as I learned new and better ways to communicate and have better self understanding. It hurts to be rejected, but in this case it sounds like your friend is not in a healthy place in her life. I hope you can find peace over whatever happens to this relationship, looking for others with similar interests has helped me find friends . Sending best wishes as you sort it all out.


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Summer_Twilight
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12 Dec 2023, 8:42 am

I am sorry to hear that she's falsely accusing you of things like that. While she's probably acting out of anger, I don't think it's fair that she's treating you like that. However, I think it's best to leave her alone because it sounds like she's not going to change her mind. You also can't control how she's currently acting. It also sounds like you did the best that you could do.



playgroundlover22695
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12 Dec 2023, 8:20 pm

I didn't try to message my friend today. I'm wondering how long I should give her before I check on her. I would feel very hurt if I never got to speak to or see her again. I'm thinking maybe give it until tomorrow or Thursday and then check in. I just don't know what I should say to her. She isn't listening to me saying that I love her as my closest friend or that I didn't do what she accused me of. I'm honestly running out of ideas. :roll:



playgroundlover22695
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12 Dec 2023, 9:31 pm

autisticelders wrote:
look up "rejection sensitive dysphoria" it is pretty common for autistic folks to develop this unhealthy way of coping . I had it for years, but have got better as I learned new and better ways to communicate and have better self understanding. It hurts to be rejected, but in this case it sounds like your friend is not in a healthy place in her life. I hope you can find peace over whatever happens to this relationship, looking for others with similar interests has helped me find friends . Sending best wishes as you sort it all out.


I am so glad someone else understands RSD. I have looked into it and it's exactly what I think I've been experiencing the past few years, but both therapists I've had this year as well as a phone psychologist I spoke to have never heard of it and asked me what it was when I mentioned it to them. I think this describes me well because whenever my former therapist (an LCDP who was terrible and definitely should not be counseling patients) would cancel on me, I would get a stomach ache, lose my appetite, and just want to stay home and cry all day. It would take a lot of effort for me to get myself out of bed and not burst into tears. This made my anxiety go up and it became increasingly difficult for me to sleep the night before an appointment. I would often wake up at like 3 or 4am tossing and turning in bed with cramping and gas in my stomach, a shaky body, and sometimes an itch on my back that I just couldn't scratch no matter how hard I tried to reach. This also happened in other situations too. For example, when the friend I mentioned canceled on me for some reason, I would immediately want to cry. It was either I was worried about her health if she was ill, or I was so hurt that she had something else to do besides spend time with me. I believe that RSD is what has caused me to be suicidal at times in my life as last year, when my friend was mad at me and I was sad about a child I used to help moving away, I attempted it (unsuccessfully, of coarse). PM me if you want to talk further about RSD since you seem to be one of the only people I've run across who is familiar with it.



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12 Dec 2023, 9:35 pm

Sweet Pea hugs


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JosetteJoy
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13 Dec 2023, 2:54 am

I am so sorry to hear about what your friend did. My best friend ghosted me for two months, and when I texted her to see if she still wanted to be friends, she replied saying no because I didn't treat her with "basic human respect". All I did that she didn't like was explain my boundaries and try to compromise with her.
I just wanted to say that I get what you're going through and find what she did very disturbing and similar to what my best friend did. My best friend was self-diagnosed with ADHD (probably diagnosed now), too.