Processing Meltdowns

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I am someone who isn't embarrassed about my meltdowns. I just got out of one a few minutes ago. I thought we could have this discussion where we talk about meltdowns, our experiences, and what our triggers are. It could help us process.

Do you have meltdown filled dreams? (I keep getting them. I had one last night. Anyone know why I keep having them?)

Do you have internal meltdowns? (Mine are very violent so I'm glad they're internal right now.)

Have you had a meltdown in front of a lot of people? (I had one in front of hundreds of people.)

Do you have different types of meltdowns? (I've noticed I have 1: Short outbursts of anger, 2: Crying with bursts of frusteration, 3: Sudden intense meltdowns leaving me nonverbal, 4: Internal meltdowns, and 5: Sensory meltdowns where lights and sound are too much to handle.)

What triggers you? (For me, it can range from stress, to sensory sensitivities, to anxiety, to depression.)

How do people react when you have a meltdown? (My family just thinks I'm having a tantrum. My Mom blames it on electronics.)

My meltdown today was from a variety of factors:
Sensory sensitivity at a concert that caused my senses to be overloaded until my meltdown a few hours later
Stress and anxiety for a sick pet
Depression and feeling alone, misunderstood, pushed away and ignored
Frusteration with my inability to communicate in the way I want to.

What are your experiences? Or do you just want to process like I did?

Meltdown dreams - I'm mute irl so I often have dreams about screaming at my mother or other people. Maybe you keep having them because you're not having enough meltdowns irl. Just a guess.

Internal - Yes - External too but the internal ones are common even when I'm alone. I'll try to rationalize to myself that I don't need to have a meltdown. I'll suppress it until I burst.

In Front of People - Yes - Throwing things, crying, swearing, and sitting on the floor. This is why I prefer to stay home.

Triggers - Mostly emotional flashbacks from CPTSD, but also Misophonia, Sensory Overload, Sunlight, Repetitive noises, incompetent people, impatience, when things just ALWAYS go wrong

How People React - They think I'm a b***h

Many people think that those with Aspergers are unemotional. However, a meltdown is proof that this is not true. Greater neurological sensitivity and cognitive processing can result in a more rapid response to accumulated stresses and frustrations. I have found that once the "dam breaks" recovery is quick.

I think that many emotions like frustration, anger, disappointment can result from a conflict between what we expect and reality. Having realistic expectations can reduce the frequency of meltdowns. Since no one can anticipate everything, meltdowns are going to occur.

It can also be helpful to avoid environments where things happen rapidly.

Stress from loud noises at concerts and movies may be reduced by wearing ear protectors.
I find the front of the movie theater to be the loudest. Sit way back and the volume is less.

Processing Meltdowns? Sounds like you're overclocking your mental computer...

I have a very hard time processing meltdowns and they come on so suddenly. I feel like a fool after they happen.

meltdown for me is always triggered by something emotional and unexpected. I shut down in most sensory overwhelm situations and have experience enough to know when I am overwhelmed and get to a "safe place" as soon as I start feeling it "coming on".

Do you have meltdown filled dreams?
I don't recall many dreams. I don't think I do? I don't know.

Do you have internal meltdowns?
Yes. That's become more common as I've gotten older.

Have you had a meltdown in front of a lot of people?
Oh for sure. I think the biggest public meltdown I ever had was either in a crowded mall or the university bookstore before classes started that semester. Not fun.

Do you have different types of meltdowns?
Yep. I used to scream, yell, throw stuff, punch things. Other times I would flip out, burst into tears and roll around on the floor occasionally pulling my hair out. Sometimes I would yell, then go hide. I'm sure there's more but it's been a while since I've had meltdown. Mostly these days I go into shutting down instead. They are very different to me.

What triggers you?
Stress. Vague, I know. It could be having too much to do without down time to regroup mentally, sudden change, sensory overload, going to a new place and having 'bad things' happen, feeling pressure to do things, having to fill out paperwork, health issues or lack of sleep, pretty much anything if I'm already feeling internally tense, the list goes on.

How do people react when you have a meltdown?
Depends on the person. I'm sure complete strangers think I'm a raving and potentially dangerous lunatic. My mother always thought I was being overly dramatic and acting like a jerk on purpose. One of my ex's would avoid me and pretend they never happened, another ex was super understanding, and another ex would give me the silent treatment after or get scared. My kids would get scared to. Past Friends mostly didn't understand, which was fair since I didn't either.

I used to hate it when I had meltdowns. They left me exhausted, feeling down on myself, and it would take me days to bounce back from having one, sometimes longer. I was never proud of my behavior and wondered what was wrong with me that I had been acting that way. Getting a dx helped me understand what was happening and learn ways to try to avoid having that happen in the future. I really did think I was going insane before I knew what that was about. It was awful. I mean, they're still awful, but at least I get what's happening to me now.

Do you have meltdown filled dreams?
No, but have had dreams that existed just to make me miserable while asleep.

Do you have internal meltdowns?
Would say that 95% of mine are internal and most people can't tell I'm having one. At most I just look apathetic and grumpy.

Have you had a meltdown in front of a lot of people?
Yep. I had one at work where I started crying uncontrollably and had to retreat into the office. My coworkers all saw it. Customers probably saw it.

Do you have different types of meltdowns? (I've noticed I have 1: Short outbursts of anger, 2: Crying with bursts of frusteration, 3: Sudden intense meltdowns leaving me nonverbal, 4: Internal meltdowns, and 5: Sensory meltdowns where lights and sound are too much to handle.)
I haven't yet worked out the different types I think, but I think so. I'll try to summarize below.

1st type: Internal rage. I want to punch everyone in the face, but I don't. I can feel my blood pressure boiling and I'm in a literal rage and every single customer I interact with makes me angrier.
2nd type: Building up to being so frustrated that I start shedding tears in front of customers. I try to keep my composure and barely manage.
3rd type: Being so fed up with my situation that I start stimming in very obvious and very weird ways, even with customers in life. Sometimes especially with customers in line. This has only happened one or twice.
4th type: Sensory overwhelm. I partially shut down and become partially unresponsive and talking is harder than usual. I will go through the motions of helping customers while drawing into my inner life.

What triggers you? (For me, it can range from stress, to sensory sensitivities, to anxiety, to depression.)
The biggest thing is sensory issues, specially sound. Some other contributions might be social overwhelm. Once in a while, it's over rules being broken that seem important.

I also used to meltdown over not getting breaks at work, which ties into what I said above. (My state doesn't require breaks.) Logically I knew that they are often hard to give out when the lines are relentless, but my brain was like "break, break is supposed to happen, why no break".
But these days I work in the office where I serve as a supervisor to the cashiers, and I hardly ever get a break in that position. My brain seems to accept that that's "normal" for this position, so no meltdowns over it.

How do people react when you have a meltdown? (My family just thinks I'm having a tantrum. My Mom blames it on electronics.)
One time I broke down full on crying in front of a customer. I got in trouble with management for that. They said they expect me to "act like an adult".

My meltdown today was from a variety of factors:
Sensory sensitivity at a concert that caused my senses to be overloaded until my meltdown a few hours later
Stress and anxiety for a sick pet
Depression and feeling alone, misunderstood, pushed away and ignored
Frusteration with my inability to communicate in the way I want to.
Sounds like it all piled up. I'm sorry

Today I was in sensory overload for an extended period of time at work. I don't think I had a meltdown, but I could feel the pressure building and had to get off my register and walk around, doing a lot of odd stimming such as stomping my feet. I think this didn't go unnoticed, for once, cuz I was then tasked with puting items back on the shelf and told to take my time.

You mention internal meltdowns. What is the difference between an internal meltdown and a shutdown?

It can only take something exhausting and downing enough to put me into a shutdown and still somehow try to function with it.

It takes a lot of me to reach a meltdown.
It had to be from several directions of exhaustion and pain; physical, emotional, sensory, hormonal, mental stresses...
And at least two or more having it intensely bad. Even a painful burnout isn't enough for a meltdown; just more reactive and sensitive doesn't really mean a meltdown; and it just takes more to actually give me a meltdown.

I don't try to hide shutdowns, it was just that I'd rather not deal with it.
And the contrasts are vague; "resting" meant time passed and time passed meant subtle changes that I know not before and after shutdowns.

I do not hide meltdowns.
If anything, I'd rather have an autistic meltdown than some emotional dysregulation or even a shutdown that won't likely go away for days or so.
Aftermath of autistic meltdown feels more or less instant homeostasis, I can simply feel the contrast before and after -- unlike emotional dysregulation and shutdowns in my own case, with meltdowns, a part of me can just let it all go...

I don't know my true triggers.
It rarely puts me into a meltdown. Usually at worst, partial shutdowns because there are days I get sensory seeking and unintentionally get overwhelmed and ignore the overwhelm and kept going.

My triggers are "conditional"; it can only set off when I'm in a less ideal state; and it also depends 'which' less ideal state I'm into and what particular trigger would set it off.
Which factor to combine or why, it could range from time pressure and hunger, to sickness and hormonal changes; for entirely different sets of reasons each...

So there will be days when I'm very 'brave' resolving every other hung up on a whim, and there will be days when I do nothing but avoid the issue entirely.


How others react...
That varies even with the same people.
Some get it, others don't.
Some would make a huge deal out of it, some knew better and ignore the whole thing.

I have more issues with emotional dysregulation than autistic meltdowns.
The former makes me feel like a fricking spoiled brat who needed to put down who should 'know better' -- the latter is simply just an uncontrollable release and would never fault for that...

Yes, to me there's a huge difference between autistic meltdowns from emotional dysregulation.

One can take me days with emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation doesn't take away being 'reasoned with' -- just distorted.
But self preservation is still there, levels of reason are still there. Emotional dysregulation gives me this tantrum like behaviors.

Meltdowns don't. It takes few moments. Meltdowns takes away a lot including 'reason' or even self preservation. Meltdowns would make me run in a busy highway without any regard for safety. I'd rather have a meltdown.

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