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Mr_F
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18 Dec 2023, 8:08 am

Hi everyone,

At the age of 41 I received a diagnosis of level 1 autism yesterday. I initially felt relief in a way, as I have struggled all of my life and feel like I was always searching for answers as to why I am different to most. Social situations have always been impossible - to a point where I had walked out of a friends wedding in the past due to the overwhelming sensory issues with sounds (one of hundreds of occasions this happened for me). In the past I have managed to black out those feelings through alcohol but since I quit drinking my senses really heightened and became unbearable so I therefore retreat back into my safe place and simply avoid any social setting.

I endured many years of emotional and verbal abuse growing up so I suffer a lot of childhood trauma - My father would call me ret*d and weird. My parents always referred to me as a problem child. I guess the reality is they didn't realise I was autistic but I can't help but feel hatred towards them for not trying to get me help instead of ridiculing me for being different and a problem. I cut my ties with them over 7 years ago - Part of me feels like I should contact them to tell them of my diagnosis but for me I think they lost the right to know anything else about me now.

I had the realisation that I may have autism when studying towards a psychology degree of all places. The number of traits I identified with was scary, so I researched obsessively, as I am sure a lot of people with autism do anyway! My GP was as good as useless in offering support, so I paid to have a private ASD assessment and my diagnosis was confirmed.

Aside from the initial relief I really struggle to identify my emotions. Like I feel like I should have cried when given the news as this answers so many of my lifelong questions, but my brains always felt like it cannot trigger to right emotion at the right time. So these tears will likely come at the most random of times and places - Is this quite normal with autism?

Sorry for the long first post, but I guess I feel quite alone right now and would like to connect with others in a similar place to me. I am now wanting to try and move forward and learn to manage my autism so I can try to live a life where I can be at acceptance with who I am and not struggle so much. I don't want this to define me but I also know work needs to be done so make those unbearable situations a little more manageable.

Are there such things as support groups where adults with autism come together and chat? I am based in Kent (UK), so unsure if there are any groups nearby. As awful as the social aspect of a support group would be, I just feel like chatting with others like minded will help normalise the way I have felt all of my life.

Would welcome any recommendations and ideas to help me.

Many thanks.



belijojo
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18 Dec 2023, 8:15 am

Mr_F wrote:
Hi everyone,
So these tears will likely come at the most random of times and places - Is this quite normal with autism?

Frankly, I didn't have tears in the emotional aspect. However, autism is diverse in these aspects, and it is a common trait that is different from most people
Mr_F wrote:
Are there such things as support groups where adults with autism come together and chat?
Many thanks.

its HERE,welcome
I would like to know your interests and hobbies, in addition to studying this psychology


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envirozentinel
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18 Dec 2023, 8:28 am

Welcome to WP. Many of your experiences bear similarity to my own. But I had more supportive folks and my late Mom was instrumental in helping me get me diagnosed at 45, although it was PTSD that actually led to the eventual breakthrough.


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King Kat 1
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18 Dec 2023, 8:56 am

I'm 43, I have not had an official diagnosis yet but all the signs there. An ex of mine actually pointed out that it's very possible I have autism, although growing up I was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ritalin.

Most people regard me as eccentric and a bit of nut, but harmless. Actually, I've been known as many different things as possible to different people.

Social situations can be a nightmare and my parents, especially my father did everything they could to beat the proverbial autism out of me. To try to make me "normal" which I'm still dealing with the fallout from that trauma. Plus, all the other stuff growing up and even way into adulthood.

To me, the best I can describe it, is like living in a war time situation. Meaning, you're walking through a mine field and one false can be fatal. Meaning, it involves getting yelled at, made fun of, or worse.

Which is why I am pretty much a loner.


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Mr_F
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18 Dec 2023, 9:10 am

King Kat 1 wrote:
I'm 43, I have not had an official diagnosis yet but all the signs there. An ex of mine actually pointed out that it's very possible I have autism, although growing up I was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ritalin.

Most people regard me as eccentric and a bit of nut, but harmless. Actually, I've been known as many different things as possible to different people.

Social situations can be a nightmare and my parents, especially my father did everything they could to beat the proverbial autism out of me. To try to make me "normal" which I'm still dealing with the fallout from that trauma. Plus, all the other stuff growing up and even way into adulthood.

To me, the best I can describe it, is like living in a war time situation. Meaning, you're walking through a mine field and one false can be fatal. Meaning, it involves getting yelled at, made fun of, or worse.

Which is why I am pretty much a loner.


I can really relate to all of this. Sorry you had to go through it. Parents have so much to answer for treating their kids the way they do. This kind of trauma sticks with us into our adult life and even more so with us with autism!

I used alcohol excessively to be socially accepted through my teens and 20s. The minute I stopped drinking I became a loner, and to be honest I am just starting to accept that now.



Mr_F
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18 Dec 2023, 9:11 am

envirozentinel wrote:
Welcome to WP. Many of your experiences bear similarity to my own. But I had more supportive folks and my late Mom was instrumental in helping me get me diagnosed at 45, although it was PTSD that actually led to the eventual breakthrough.


Thats great you had the support of your mom. I don't have anything to do with my parents now due to the trauma they caused me. I do however have the support of my partner. Without her I would have hit rock bottom for sure!



Mr_F
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18 Dec 2023, 9:12 am

belijojo wrote:
Mr_F wrote:
Hi everyone,
So these tears will likely come at the most random of times and places - Is this quite normal with autism?

Frankly, I didn't have tears in the emotional aspect. However, autism is diverse in these aspects, and it is a common trait that is different from most people
Mr_F wrote:
Are there such things as support groups where adults with autism come together and chat?
Many thanks.

its HERE,welcome
I would like to know your interests and hobbies, in addition to studying this psychology


Thank you - my main interest is video gaming because its what helps me escape the real world and feel at peace :D



belijojo
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18 Dec 2023, 9:18 am

Mr_F wrote:

Thank you - my main interest is video gaming because its what helps me escape the real world and feel at peace :D

OKEY


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Double Retired
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18 Dec 2023, 1:38 pm

It is unfortunate your parents were not supportive. I could understand limiting their presence in your life though I've been raised to value family and relatives so I'm not so sure about severing all contact with them...well, perhaps just don't initiate contact.

My parents thought I did weird things (my Dad apparently used that precise word) but decided I wasn't being bad, I was just like that, so they decided not to punish me (again, my Dad's words). But they also realized I was intelligent. And then they had their hands full with my younger siblings who were more trouble than I was. Overall they were supportive of me and I think that helped me immensely.

Beyond that...I was delighted when I got my diagnosis at age 64. So much of my life suddenly made sense!

Other than that, I can't point to anything useful about the diagnosis...but I am still delighted by it.

Oh. One practical benefit of my diagnosis. When my bride bumps up against one of my Autistic traits I get to say:

I have a doctor's note for that! :D

I also hope you find WP a pleasant and useful place to frequent.


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Mr_F
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18 Dec 2023, 4:06 pm

Double Retired wrote:
It is unfortunate your parents were not supportive. I could understand limiting their presence in your life though I've been raised to value family and relatives so I'm not so sure about severing all contact with them...well, perhaps just don't initiate contact.

My parents thought I did weird things (my Dad apparently used that precise word) but decided I wasn't being bad, I was just like that, so they decided not to punish me (again, my Dad's words). But they also realized I was intelligent. And then they had their hands full with my younger siblings who were more trouble than I was. Overall they were supportive of me and I think that helped me immensely.

Beyond that...I was delighted when I got my diagnosis at age 64. So much of my life suddenly made sense!

Other than that, I can't point to anything useful about the diagnosis...but I am still delighted by it.

Oh. One practical benefit of my diagnosis. When my bride bumps up against one of my Autistic traits I get to say:

I have a doctor's note for that! :D

I also hope you find WP a pleasant and useful place to frequent.


Thanks for the message. My diagnosis has really made sense of so much that has happened in my life and certainly explains certain patterns of behaviours that I have always displayed.

Its sad how certain words stick with us from childhood don't you think? My father literally called me "weird" or "ret*d", which I didn't read too much into until recently. With the autism assessment, I was thinking that if I was different as a kid why not try to get me help instead of abusing me? Oh well, you cannot change the past but you can try to map the future.

Nice to meet you :D



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18 Dec 2023, 5:44 pm

Welcome to WP!


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18 Dec 2023, 8:12 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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19 Dec 2023, 8:43 am

welcome! Its a lot to sort, but such a relief!! ! Glad you are with us.


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BillyTree
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19 Dec 2023, 2:44 pm

Welcome to the wrong planet! I am not very popular with my family. As an autistic I am the weird one.


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Mr_F
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20 Dec 2023, 9:37 am

Thanks for the welcome messages guys. Its good to be here and connecting with you all :heart:



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22 Dec 2023, 10:04 am

Mr_F, Welcome to Wrong Planet.

As an introduction, I have Asperger's Syndrome (Aspie). Generally it was a subset of conditions covered on this site.

You asked in your introduction - "but my brains always felt like it cannot trigger to right emotion at the right time. So these tears will likely come at the most random of times and places - Is this quite normal with autism?"

I would say that trait is probably one of our traits. When I analyze information, I look at it from many different angles. That takes time. Most NTs just bounce around from one topic to another to another. But I am still on the same first topic, thinking it through. So generally when I try to communicate I am always several topics behind and out of place. So your reaction time might be slower than most NTs but it may also be more detailed and precise. It is like Mr. Spock in the original Star Trek series.



Then you went on to write: Would welcome any recommendations and ideas to help me.

Understand that we are different than NTs. Our brains are different and as a result we think very differently. The primary reason why is because of brain structure. The human brain is very complex. We have multiple brains. Some exist when we are awake and some exist when we sleep. As a child, both sides of our brain, the left side and the right side exist together. But when we turn into adulthood around age 11 or 12, the left side becomes the dominant brain. Our right side becomes a support role. But for some of us, we die before we reach this age. Our left side which is our dominant side dies, but our right side can take control and we grow up as a right side dominant brain. That is what happened to me around age 3 or 4. I was attacked by a large bull, it was like being attacked by a dinosaur. It weighed over 100 times my weight and I died. I experienced what is known as A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE at the time, but I came back but I was a very different person then before the attack. Eventually my dominant left side came back in a damaged state and became my night time brain that exist in REM and NREM sleep.

So realize that you are not broken, but rather different. You possess some skills that are very remarkable but you also possess some weaknesses that will drive you crazy. So the best approach in life is to know your skills and use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses.

I would also suggest that you read a book by Jill Bolte Taylor called Whole Brain Living. She suffered a massive stoke around age 35. It was a brain bleed and she came very close to death. But she recovered. But she came back as a right side dominant brain, a very different brain. She goes into great detail about the construction of the human brain and how it works in this book. It is worth reading in my humble opinion.


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Last edited by jimmy m on 22 Dec 2023, 1:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.