Love life has been rocky

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Hi all, been on the forums a long time and I figured I'd just reflect a moment.

Last I left off, I was 21 years old. Time has changed quite a bit for me in the last several years. I came into my gender identity, moved out of home, back into home, experienced life altering experiences and fallen in and out of love. I wanted to specifically talk about love for a moment.

Back in March, I was in a struggling relationship with another person. They were essentially an adult child, and it led to the forced parentification of me in the relationship. I was running an entire household on my own. I had gone from an immature but hopeful young person in the beginning, to a sensitive, burned out, and frustrated/unhealthy mess by the time the relationship ended. They essentially wrote a breakup letter dead-naming me, citing that they wanted someone to take care of them, and left me to clean up the aftermath with a broken heart. I was (and still am) disabled and immunocompromised, especially after the onslaught of the pandemic. Long Covid left me with permanent brain fog that never goes away, it's a permanent impairment that I will have to endure for the rest of my life. I've also been struggling with addiction as a result of dealing with this relationship. It was a toxic nightmare.

Now, as we're coming up on the end of the year, I have found myself in a much more stable relationship with a beautiful woman that I treasure to no end. She puts up with my dad jokes, I put up with her magpie tendencies, but inevitably, it's a relationship that I have always wanted to have. I feel safe, secure, happy, thrilled, and even my sex drive is finally returning for the first time in years. All this time I thought I was asexual, but no. That's just how horrific and awful the previous relationship was.

I don't think I have been this happy for a long time, and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

I am glad to hear that you are doing well in your new relationship, Makayla.

I am sorry to hear about your previous struggles in your previous relationship. I guess maybe you can just consider it a learning experience? Perhaps one to try to learn from so as to avoid such pitfalls in the future?

It is good to hear you have come into your own with your gender identity.

It is nice to see you back on the forum!

Thank you <3

I do definitely consider it a learning experience. My ex has pretty severe ADHD, as does my current girlfriend, but the main difference is my current girlfriend makes efforts to actually manage her symptoms and remains mindful of her environment. If she isn't sure how to do something, she asks me or googles it herself. She can tell when I'm getting overwhelmed and/or stressed, and takes over. It doesn't feel like I'm taking care of the both of us, we take care of each other.

My ex, on the other hand, was content to wallow in misery and did everything they could to drag me down with it. I asked them to do one thing because I had family coming to visit: cleaning the toilet in our hall bathroom in our home. They proceeded to flush laundry detergent down the drain, told me they finished, and went back to playing on their Switch. Just lots of petty, micro-aggressive behaviors that were just absolutely baffling to me. I tried everything I could afford to make that relationship work instead of just cutting my losses and trying to separate. Now that I know what I want, I won't be repeating those same mistakes.

It also taught me to be more patient and kind to myself. That my wants and needs matter just as much. That I deserve to live in a clean home (my ex was a level 2 hoarder). That my stuff doesn't deserve to be destroyed, and that I don't deserve to be financially and emotionally abused. It was a huge wake-up call. My ex framed themselves as the victim in the end, but all of our mutual friends sided with me inevitably because they saw how she left me and the house.

These days, life is good!

Feel free to call me Moss, by the way. Makayla isn't a name I want to use anymore, but we're unfortunately unable to change our usernames on this website.

I am glad to hear things have improved and that you have gotten rid of your troublesome ex. It sounds like you had a tough time.



Alrighty, Moss it is!

I'm happy that things are finally working out for you after all this time.