Bad L&D Advice You Were Given

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I used to "give" L&D advice, during the years I lived in Reno, Nevada, home of quick and easy weddings (It's not just Vegas!).

When passing an occupied wedding chapel in a casino, I'd sometimes exclaim "Don't Do It!", somewhat to the amusement of my anti-marriage then-girlfriend...

"Be submissive and follow his lead even when you know he's wrong." - heard it at church and read it in the Watchtower.

^^^I heard a kinda similar gender opposite version of that advice.
The woman should get her way 51% off the time so when a couple can not agree the woman gets her way.
I think the person who makes more rational decisions should get to decide based on what they think is best for the both of them.

No hand-holding until you’re engaged. Don’t kiss until the wedding is imminent.

Guano.

Always have a chaperone or just do group dates. Go bowling.

No wonder her vag is essentially a clown car.
I can't imagine having that many kids ffs.

^ Yeah, me neither. She had bad morning sickness throughout most of her pregnancies too, so she’s spent a significant portion of her life nauseous. I wanted 4 kids for the longest time, but I’m glad I just had one.

More bad advice from my family: the man should take the lead and pursue you, not the other way around because it wouldn’t be demonstrating a submissive attitude. He should be taking the lead in the courtship to reflect how he would take the lead in marriage as the head of the house. What a thing to tell a young girl. My God. It’s like they have no common sense whatsoever.

I don’t usually demonstrate interest first anyway on account of being really shy and having a hard time telling if someone likes me or not, but that's not the point.

Chaperones and side hugs starting at :50



Side hugs weren’t really a thing in my church, but hugs were expected to be loose so the man didn’t feel boobs. It was more of a cultural thing than a hard and fast rule (with probable variation depending on locale) although if a hug went on for too long a chaperone would interrupt and make some cringey joke about beating them apart with a stick because that joke, apparently, never gets old.

You know the routine.

Pray

You need to fix yourself instead of expecting a partner to fix you.
I was trying to work on myself when I was single but I will always have some disabilities, issues, & problems. My experiencre is that some things are easier for me for me deal with & manage with the right partner in the right enviornment.

"Looks and body shape only matter if you are a woman, but not if you're a man" or "Looks don't matter, only personality does since you're a man".

This is an extremely common thought thrown at guys (even by guys, usually by good-looking/hot guys LOL), and it's extremely wrong. I found out that the vast majority of women I interacted while: Just because they do care for personality does NOT mean that the looks/outer appearance (including body and height) isn't a decisive factor for an initial spark to occur. It is, in most cases.

This advise is so common and so hamrful because it makes many average joes delusional that they can score with women who looks like supermodel just for being charming and confident, it's destructive to their self-esteem. Leagues exist when it comes to looks; and exceptions are rare; go to any Saturday night pub and you will notice that most couples in life are usually remarkably on a similar level scale of attractiveness; don't try hard to search for exceptions, look at all the rest instead.

“Never cut your hair because it’s your only beauty like Jo from Little Women.”

My aunt said it. She wasn’t trying to be mean or anything. She just wasn’t thinking which seems to be her general state. Naturally, when she told me not to cut my hair, there was only one thing to be done: snip.

Never go to bed angry. Stay up until you sort out your arguments.


Nope, never. No one wants to argue with an insomniac. I don't think clearly when I haven't slept.

Cuddling up to my man, or missing him if we aren't together, is always more helpful than talking when I'm out of fumes.

I've been given this advice before. I think the theory is that being tired makes you less angry & more motivated to work things out.
I feel the same way you do. I also eventually started to realize that I need to step back from situations & arguments when I start getting very upset. Continuing to fight pushes me into meltdown mode & I can verbally lash out & say things the most hurtful ways possible. Sometimes I need to just shut-up, bite my tongue so to speak, & go along with whatever because it's not worth fighting about & not worth both of us getting angry & feeling like complete cr@p for upsetting each other. For someone with bad social skills I somehow seem to know the worst things to say to someone when I feel like I'm verbally attacked & want to hurt them back. Too bad this does not work the opposite way when I'm trying to be supportive & helpful instead I inadvertently sometimes really upset someone.

“The best marriage advice can be found in the Bible.”

Yeah, no.