Do you ever get intensely depressed, like a silent panic?

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Silent, as in, one doesn't react to it, and it's not so much anxiety or fear, but misery, although still with a foreboding sense... I guess, an empty, broken, and lonely life takes its toll, sometimes...

I get the occasional strong pang of complete and utter hopelessness, and at the time it feels as if I can't stand it, as if the whole of life is suddenly completely unbearable. But it goes away very quickly. It doesn't last long enough for me to do anything about it.

I often have, and view it as a completely negative experience and try to avoid it. Powerless, mistaken belief that my life is completely miserable

Very occasionally usually med side effect induced though.
When it gets that bad it takes me great efforts to cry and I end up having a massive melt down and smashing things up.
And eventually crying and feeling less depressed.

Yes, often with no warning or apparent cause.

Yes.

I normally try to sleep more to try to feel better when I am intensely depressed.

I get that way when good things come to an end.

like waves, but it passes. Sometimes just recognizing how helpless I am to change anything and wishing I could, I think.

Yes. It is scary when that happens, like the world is closing around you.

Yes.

It's like I'm staring at death, it's just right there. It feels like I'm about not exist anymore.

One hell of an experience, one that I am thankful for.

Yes. Then I'm convinced I'm a mismatched human. Not put together right.

Or I see the whole of humanity as an ape gone wrong. Who are these humans that wage ware? Destroy nature? Embrace fascistic geopolitics? Is that human behaviour? apparantly.
I blame having consciousness, that was a mistake by evolution. We humans are a fringe phenomenon and we should be wiped away with a wet cloth and give the world back to bacteria and beetles.

I cannot find a goal for life in those moments. My logical attempts lead to dark conclusions. My feelings on the other hand are too large and I shouldn't have suffer this much. Another dark solution offers itself up.

But.
I recognize these depressed times as lies.

Temporarily lies. (Or temporary truths, if you want, that's basically the same.)

I've learned that with the passing of time these depression episodes eb. So I apply myself to distracting myself and letting time pas until the panic wades. Video's, sleeping, gaming. Anything. No expectations. No self critic.

When I'm a bit better I recognize that the goal and the measure of (my) life cannot be done by logic or by words. They're just not fitting. Too constricted. This helps me in a next time to not engage with my thoughts, no matter how strong the need is to solve this problem with thinking and logic, because that's how I usually solve problems.

The strong feelings I have at the depressed times I deal with by distracting myself. Feelings are just to be felt, they are not prompts. Also, were you a woman, you'd know that often feelings are just results from chemical disharmony and you've learned to endure them and to not confuse them with you, your heart or your mind.

ok last topic. I'm crazily sensitive, my body that is, and I have a whole list of things I have to check first before I can take my depressionpanic serious. Vitamine D, zink, Progesteron, Lithium (the mineral, not the drug), choline, some other minerals, all on board? No artificial vanilla flavouring eaten today? (vanillin gives me doom. Natural vanilla does not.) No estrogen dominance?
Taking a Zinc pill and feeling your lifedoom depression lift is such betrayal.