Why shame a woman for having a child later ?

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chris1989
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29 Dec 2023, 8:33 am

It does boil my blood when some other people can lecture or dictate when a woman ''should'' have a child by a certain age and shame them for not having any or having one later. I mean what do other people know ? I mean the thing is what if that woman struggled with holding relationships or struggled to find the right person for them and haven't been successful through their 20s and 30s ? I mean sometimes surely a person's circumstances can't be helped if something happens in their life and they are single long term and they struggle and it surely can't be a bad thing to achieve it later.

I even seem to feel like these people to some extent even berate men for leaving it later to have kids. This why sometimes I get these thoughts in my head of feeling like time is moving on or ''running out'' and feel the need to ''hurry before it is too late'' when I know very well that rushing things may end in disaster and will just create more frustration and unhappiness.

As a man, I feel like an unwanted stranger to this discussion



SharonB
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31 Dec 2023, 8:28 pm

Social norms and expectations stink. If folks are respected and respectful - it's all good in my book. I don't care if the family is "traditional" or not. From a physical perspective I wish I had kids earlier, but to your point, there were circumstances outside my control and so they came later. I am very glad for that b/c I am wiser and a better parent for it (emotionally and intellectually and financially, etc. and try to keep up physically). I know the physical risks increase for a woman to bear a child at the edges of fertility (very young or very old). Otherwise there are pros and cons to earlier or later. I have friends who are without partners and/or children by choice and friends who are without not by choice. I have friends who have partners and/or children and are content more than most and ones who struggle more than others. Traditional families, blended families, single, DINC, single parents, Mom and Dad, two Moms, two Dads, even one with three and shared homes (where cousins are siblings and aunts/uncles are parental). All ways.