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Twiglet
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06 Jan 2024, 6:50 am

Anyone here have no kids despite wanting them? I feel like the whole point of life is to have kids. I want them but failed at life.

Kids bring so much joy and life fulfilment to people. I'm really missing out. How do you deal with it?

Please don't respond if you don't have kids because you never wanted them.



belijojo
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06 Jan 2024, 7:27 am

Have you lost your reproductive function or been punished by law? Adoption or artificial insemination


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Esme
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06 Jan 2024, 8:13 am

I had the decision taken away from me when I was younger, but have had a long time to accept that (which maybe puts me in a better position than women who realise later in life they can't have kids?). It's still difficult at times, but I've used the 'maternal instinct' part of me in other ways. I've worked with kids as either a tutor or mentor on and off since college, I have younger family members that I've helped to raise (so I don't feel I've missed out on the sleepless nights, changing nappies, etc :mrgreen:) and now I'm working on a big NFP project that will hopefully benefit a lot of kids in the future (if you're ever bored and want to help out, let me know as I could always use an extra pair of hands!).



Harmonie
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14 Jan 2024, 8:33 pm

I have gradually come to want kids, sadly this has onset a bit late for me. I'm now in my mid 30s.

For me, personally, a big barrier is that I don't have my life together. I don't have a career, I don't have a partner, and I'm moving very soon. I'm just not in a place to have a child, and yet I'm getting older every day.

I don't know what your reasons are, but you aren't alone in wanting kids but not having them for whatever reason. Not everyone experiences this, but it really hurts for those of us who do. I have a good friend IRL who we both can discuss our circumstances (which are not the same, but are related) and that helps me. Do you have anyone you can talk to?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jan 2024, 2:58 pm

Was the same, now at 41 I think I missed the boat and I just gave up the idea - now I don’t even want it.*

No woman found me attractive enough in my entire 20s till mid 30 to establish a relationship with me when I was still willing.

*Yes I know men can still have kids at this age, but I don’t think I have the energy for a such responsibility anymore. I am already way too much stressed from life as is. Actually my current OS desires a baby (and she is at 42 and already has 2 teens!!) but I don’t; and told her almost the same first sentence of this post.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jan 2024, 3:08 pm

and I am very convinced to had sh***y genes.



SharonB
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20 Jan 2024, 10:15 am

Almost - biological circumstances. In my case I had the option to adopt. While I fostered, I also looked into "child-free living". The founder of the Infertility Assocation did an audio conference --- it was wonderful. She shared how she grieved and that in time it lessened, but even still she had moments where she missed the "sloppy kiss" (that one's own child might give them -or similarly symbolic for kids that don't kiss). Like you, I had/have kids in my life in other ways, we tutored, coached kids sports. During the pandemic I substitute taught, etc.

Loss of choice is real. Warning trigger (violence implied and loss of life). To an extreme perhaps, I had a support group member who was angry after an attack and subsequent pregnancy - she didn't want the unexpected pregnancy, but similarly... when her pregnancy was later lost... she missed it and regretted her previous thoughts, she didn't want the unexpected loss. I get it. Tough stuff.

We can grieve for the choices we don't have (and poor circumstances), and embrace the choices that we do have (and good circumstances). Aside the life's inevitable loss, wishing you sufficient joy in other ways.



elotepreparado
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06 Feb 2024, 10:58 pm

I think I will end up remaining child free for genetic reasons even though I love being around the children I do have in my life.

I think I would like to teach sometimes in community centers or in non-profit programs. I have had opportunities like this and enjoyed it.



AnnaTheSquirrel
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10 Feb 2024, 9:19 am

Twiglet wrote:
I feel like the whole point of life is to have kids. How do you deal with it?

My view of life and its essence is highly cerebral. What I understand I can endure more easily.

I think you're right that becoming a parent is one of the goals of life. But I think this is true because evolution selected for this trait. So while the feeling of having missed out is intense and true and valid I can endure it because I understand where it stems from. I understand why it's so intense too. I can handle this feeling now. (Trough lots of consolement).

I forfill my life by enjoying the other things I have deemed the other essences of life as a human being. These are unique experiences that lift up an individual above a simple daily existence.

I assume these are personal truths to me, but they are: having a puzzling thing to play with with my mind; making a connection with another living being (people, pets); sleeping; eating; enjoying the gift of eyesight (seeing patterns mostly); tinkering with my hands, creating something; seeing happy links in the fabric of cultural society (memes, humour, art, history) and the nsfw woman experience.

(sorry for the last one. I'm too serious about this to leave out any of the things on my list.)