SATAN'S GUIDE TO THE BIBLE

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Looking this up on YouTube (here is a direct link to the video), I see that the description also says:

There's also a link to a website satansguide.com.

I’m about halfway.

Canaanites=gay, shrimp eaters.

So far, I’m especially struck by the gaslighty response of evangelical Bible “scholars” to valid criticisms of the Bible because I heard a lot of it myself. In my church, doubts or concerns about any passage were viewed as a sign that someone was “spiritually weak,” not “right-minded.” When doubts came up, members were instructed to pray, study the Watchtower, talk to the elders, or engage in more blatant thought-stopping techniques. It took me a long time to get out of that thought pattern since I started questioning the existence of God when I was around 5 but didn’t fully leave religion behind until I was somewhere around 30. I didn’t like the Bible or YHWH, but I thought I was wrong for feeling that way.

I'm actually surprised Aleister Crowley never wrote a guide to the bible. He grew up in Plymouth Brethren and he spent his entire childhood only allowed to read one book (explains a lot) and I'm sure it would have been hilarious.

Some Christians love to cite the Golden Rule as evidence of Jesus’ supposed divinity when it’s just basic morality rooted in common sense - a humanistic principle.

https://www.languagehumanities.org/what ... _article=1

Something else that’s sort of related: during Socrates’ trial in Plato’s Apology, he says: “Men of Athens, I am grateful and I am your friend, but I will obey the god rather than you, and as long as I draw breath and am able, I shall not cease to practice philosophy, to exhort you and in my usual way to point out to any one of you whom I happen to meet: Good Sir, you are an Athenian, a citizen of the greatest city with the greatest reputation for both wisdom and power; are you not ashamed of your eagerness to possess as much wealth, reputation, and honors as possible, while you do not care for nor give thought to wisdom or truth or the best possible state of your soul?”

(I’m quoting a book or I’d cite a link.)

It’s sort of like Peter saying at Acts 5:29: “We must obey God rather than any human authority” and the rest sounds Jesusy.

I’m not sure if the writers of the gospels had access to Plato’s dialogues, but there are a lot of parallels to be found between Socrates/Plato, Jesus, and other NT writings even in terms of afterlife stuff in Phaedo. Some see a connection between the allegory of the cave and Hebrews 8-10 as well. One begins to wonder if Jesus and Co. said or did anything original let alone groundbreaking that wasn’t already said or done. Sometimes Jesus engaged in the Socratic method. Obviously, there’s no proof that any of the miracles happened. Many if not all of them were built on earlier myths and legends.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 16 Jan 2024, 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Christianity was one of many similar second temple era cults. The Essenes were another.

In another timeline the largest religion in the world holds John the Baptist as their supreme prophet while relegating Jesus to a member of the supporting caste.

I’d prefer Peter. He was always my favorite character, maybe because he was the most believable/well-developed. Bible writers often sucked at character development.

On a slightly different note, the first gospel to be written according to scholars, like Bart Ehrman, was Mark. It’s interesting to me that Jesus last words in Mark were: “‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ […] Then Jesus gave a loud cry and breathed his last” (Mark 15:34-37). It doesn’t seem as though he was expecting to die.

John was written last. Jesus’ last words in that gospel were: “When Jesus had received the wine, he said, ‘It is finished.’ Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit” (John 19:30).

He’s a bit different in the gospels that were written first from John, perhaps due to further influence from local cults, to make it fit better with supposed prophecies in the OT, and to deify Jesus. There’s a lot of stuff in John that isn’t in the other books like the resurrection of Lazarus and spiritual weirdness like: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1). Interesting stuff!

Looking into the "Jesus predicted the end of the world in his generation's lifetime" thing, the apologists say "He wasn't talking about the end of the world, he was talking about the end of Israel." They maintain that it was quite common for people to prophesy 2 different events in the same breath, which for them explains why some of that passage in Matthew does refer to the end of the world. It's like a scene from Shattered Glass when they're trying to prove Glass was cheating but he always comes up with an answer to delay them. Unfortunately, my likening Christian apologetics to a movie doesn't prove anything either.

What I did notice while perusing the said passage is that Jesus predicted that the stars would fall from the sky when it was the end of the world. Odd that he seems to have thought the stars would be subject to the Earth's gravitational pull, a view remarkably consistent with the fact that humans had yet to discover how gravity works, and with the ancient Jews' notion of what the universe looked like. But even that isn't proof. Maybe Jesus was just talking down to his listeners or being figurative about his description of the end of the world?

If it’s both things, I guess Jesus had poor teaching skills since he failed to adequately explain it in an unambiguous way that most people could understand and that wouldn’t be open to diverse interpretations. I would expect more from the Son of God. I run into that a lot regarding interpretations of the gospels and of the Bible in general.

Yes. Such blurred teaching seems to have been common in ancient times, and is still alive and well in the hands of modern apologists, fundamentalist preachers, politicians, and advertisers.

But there were people at the time who expected teaching to be a bit more concrete and intelligible. Nicodemus in John chapter 3 was one. He asked Jesus what still seems to me an entirely reasonable question, but did he get a coherent answer? No. Jesus just put him down as one of those thickheads who asks about heavenly things when they can't even understand or believe the earthly things they're taught. Then he just carries on woffling. I had one or two teachers like that at school. I also had better teachers who respected me and took the trouble to make sense.

1 Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council.
2 He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”
3 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.”
4 “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”
5 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.
6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
7 You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’
8 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”
9 “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.
10 “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not understand these things?
11 Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony.
12 I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?
13 No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man.
14 Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,
15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”

With me, theists don't get to demonise rational thought and scientific rigour. I like poetry but I'm wary of its use as a deceptive propaganda tool.

When I read that this thread was made by funeralxempire, I imagined them singing bible verses in a deep-throated death metal kind of way.

Forthcoming I'm sure

I hope so.

Penn & Teller; The Bible

^ That was a good video!

I don’t think most realize that there were various people claiming to be the Messiah in Jesus’ day. People still claim to be the Messiah. They tend to end up inpatient in psych wards though. I knew a guy who claimed to be Michael - the archangel. Apparently, he elicited the services of sex workers on occasion which I found perplexing. Of course, to be fair, I think he did that when he was appropriately medicated and not Michael.

Funny. I just came across this video yesterday, separate from this post. I guess it wants to be watched.

What I find theologically interesting, from the perspective of Jesus' supposed divinity, is that when he was facing his crucifixion, he asked if it were possible that god would take that cup away from him, but not his (Jesus) will be done, but the will of his father be done.

If Jesus were god, there could be no deviation from the perfect plan, no desire to deviate, no divergence of will, etc. What Jesus said, was possible for a human. But god could not have said it.