Feeling literally out of Earth

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Not just that but my mother and grandmother who have recently come out as supportive of my friend being trans would berate me and threaten to kick me out of the house. All of this has put me on grave thin ice. I cannot express the amount of pain I am having from what it has done to me. I made a grave mistake of even venting at them and I tried to manipulate my family by saying how "emotionally painful" I felt when they told me that they were trans mainly because my reason was that this country was not friendly towards those people and I was scared that they would persecute me just for even showing a liking to them.

I was indoctrinated. I am trapped. I have nowhere to go. I must accept my fate for it is WORSE than death itself!

Every year on June, they sell LGBT products and then the political right comes off against them. Every year on July they stop selling LGBT products. Do they really care for Pride Month? Corporations show no emotions towards LGBT population. They just want LGBT and Straight people to clash with one another so they can profit off them. Capitalism has caused it!

And that line is what made me feel more stupid than ever. I am surrounded and part of a conservative system. I may not agree with everything but it has done damage to me, hence why "uncomfortable" part. Now I regret. This is why people in the US have a better mentality than me because they learn this at a young age. If I was born in the US, maybe I would have been nicer but no, because I am not born in the US or Western Europe or any developed nation, then I feel miserable and inferior to the Western system of Acceptance which would find me as "Der Untermensch" and would exterminate me and my kind just for not accepting their Westernization.

Same thing goes for the East! Don't assume that I am pro-Russian or pro-Putin!!

Very sorry for venting this out but this was building up in me for quite some time...

Indoctrination is a real thing. Pretty interesting that you openly acknowledge that you are a product of the system and environment you were raised in. That means you also have the ability to change, to be more accepting of others than many people around you are -> so many people in your situation aren't even self aware enough to realize that their thoughts about others are the result of indoctrination by the people and systems around them.

So, decide to be better and bit by bit train yourself to be better to others. Question negative thoughts and emotions you have about others, stop them, replace them with tolerance, acceptance, curiosity -> get to know the people you've been conditioned to fear or "other," and think lesser of.

It can be hard work to do, and take time, but it can be done. I know that my thoughts about some people were trained into my head by others and at a time by a book, but over time I've been able to reverse that damage by consciously being aware of the negative thoughts of others when they came into my head, questioning them, forcing them out and replacing them with much more logical realistic perceptions. Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say.. so you can't just flip a switch and rid yourself of all indoctrination that you realize you don't truly agree with and don't believe is the way to live your life, think of, or treat others. It's more of a long term/lifetime commitment to continuous improvement, learning, growth etc - and you have the advantage of age being on your side, starting young at 18!! People like my father had certain attitudes in his 40's that he was able to correct in his 50's and 60's, But that's because he consciously decided to - certain types of jokes were no longer told or funny once society shifted and people learned they were in very poor taste. Other older people have much greater resistance to changing anything. At 18 you're still extremely mouldable and can adjust and adapt so much better than older people, so while it'll still take an effort, it'll be easier and faster to change your mindset to whatever you want it to be.


Oh, and one last thing.. while the West is certainly on average a lot more accepting of LGBT people, it is not some fairytale land of perfection. The USA has about 340 Million people. They're not all friendly to LGBT people - especially T people, and especially trans women of colour. (not white/caucasian) The gay rights movement in the USA was really kicked off by a black trans woman named Marsha P. Johnson who threw a brick at cops harassing the gay community during protests at Stonewall on June 28th 1969. Since then, gay white males get the most acceptance of all LGBT people, but even that isn't great in many cities and can be terrible in small towns. It's the safest in large coastal cities. Meanwhile, non whites and especially non white trans people have pretty abysmal times of life in comparison. The murder and suicide rates are through the roof. The average life expectancy of a black trans woman in the USA is 35 years of age -> because they die of suicide, drug overdoses due to escapism caused by lack of societal acceptance, and murder - because it's all too common, still, for cis gendered guys to freak out and murder a trans woman when they discover that she's trans. Still a very long way to go in terms of tolerance in the USA, never mind full and proper acceptance. So don't look West and assume that everyone has figured out how to live and let live - they haven't. They're a bit better overall, but not wonderful. That's why Pride protests & celebrations still exist - because progress still needs to be made in the USA, Canada, and of course in other countries where they have the death penalty for being LGBT.

One person at a time deciding not to be an as*hole towards LGBT people for existing is how those improvements get made. You turn, I guess.

This offer feels like swallowing the rainbow pill in order to be tolerant of LGBT. As someone who only shows tolerance to other religions, other races, other ethnic groups, and both men and women, this LGBT thing that I am missing out makes me look like a reactionary communist. Yet my communism is still progressive...

Indoctrination is real but the truth is so precious that she is always being covered up by a bodyguard of lies. I have been keen on improving my outlook on trans people to avoid thinking of all trans people as bad because of one bad experience I had with that emo girl who identified as a boy (that is my friend).

What you provide about the US is true. I didn't say that the US is a utopia for LGBT people but they have quite a friendly standard of LGBT people unlike other countries hence why I feel so inferior to that system. Maybe I can simply be neutral to it and not be regarded as inferior. I have yet to fully embrace acceptance but it may be possible one day.

^^^ Wait, is Yugoslavia even a thing now?

It is divided and rather dystopian because of nationalism and separatism. No Yugoslavia but only Yugonostalgia.

But old traditions are still strong I guess? Are you Serbian?

No. I am a Croat born in Bosnia.

Why not just forget about your old friend and let bygones be bygones?

For the best.

If I can change my mindset about things, so can you. If you're aware that your mindset is causing issues, you can change it.

Perhaps you're feeling out of earth because the world is changing to fast for you. The more able you are to change with the times, the easier life will be for you.

Sounds true. Maybe do change. I did adapt to the Internet when it was 2009 and I do tend to follow on trends and memes and such but at the same time, I wanna also preserve what I enjoyed in the 2000s and early 2010s when things were good and when capitalism didn't ruin the Internet with a bunch of ads and anti-adblock software.

Were it not for Capitalism (and porn), the Internet would still be the  ARPANET , and you would have no access to it.