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Domisdraw
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 18 Jan 2024
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 5
Location: FR / CA

18 Jan 2024, 4:27 am

Since I (22) moved in Canada, not being able to go out with my friends back there, I started to feel lonely.
I hardly know how to meet new people but on top of it my brain gets bored by a huge majority of people.
All of my life it has been hard for me to make friends because I was different but later in life because I'm quite demanding when it comes to relationships. I look for heavily unique profiles.

Kind of messy but what I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to meet new people in order to get to know them more than small talking. in a big enough quantity for me to find people that I can have deeper connections with.

Some friends that moved with me are good and all but I feel left out : they never offer me to do stuff outside of school even tho I try to suggest activities myself :/

To top it off I feel a dire need to love probably getting bigger because of what I currently lack in friendship

All in all I'm kind of lost, if anyone had a similar experience lmk how you overcame it.

Not a native english speaker, it's tough getting precise about feelings.



Mona Pereth
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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,811
Location: New York City (Queens)

20 Jan 2024, 4:48 pm

Domisdraw wrote:
Since I (22) moved in Canada, not being able to go out with my friends back there, I started to feel lonely.
I hardly know how to meet new people but on top of it my brain gets bored by a huge majority of people.
All of my life it has been hard for me to make friends because I was different but later in life because I'm quite demanding when it comes to relationships. I look for heavily unique profiles.

What kinds of people are you looking for, more specifically? For example, are you looking for people who share specific interests/hobbies of yours?

What kind of person does someone need to be in order not to bore you?

Domisdraw wrote:
Kind of messy but what I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to meet new people in order to get to know them more than small talking. in a big enough quantity for me to find people that I can have deeper connections with.

Have you tried Meetup.com?

Have you otherwise sought out groups of people who share one or more of your interests/hobbies/goals/beliefs/values/whatever?

Domisdraw wrote:
Some friends that moved with me are good and all but I feel left out : they never offer me to do stuff outside of school even tho I try to suggest activities myself :/

To top it off I feel a dire need to love probably getting bigger because of what I currently lack in friendship

All in all I'm kind of lost, if anyone had a similar experience lmk how you overcame it.

My strategy for finding friends has always been to seek out fellow oddballs of one kind or another.


_________________
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Domisdraw
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 18 Jan 2024
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 5
Location: FR / CA

20 Jan 2024, 9:07 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
What kind of person does someone need to be in order not to bore you?

It varies but it's often the unique ones ("fellow oddballs" I like the way you say it), smart is often a requirement but not always. People that are more than "NPCs" basically (that sounds unkind now that I say it :X).

Mona Pereth wrote:
Have you tried Meetup.com?


Didn't know what it was, I just created an account and filled my preferences, I can't seem to find events related to what I chose, either because I didn't use the website correctly or just there are none, idk. I don't put too much faith into it either because such gatherings mean moving somewhere and spending time with people you might not enjoy, but then you're kind of forced to stay until the end of the event. I guess it depends on the nature of the event.

Mona Pereth wrote:
Have you otherwise sought out groups of people who share one or more of your interests/hobbies/goals/beliefs/values/whatever?


Not sure to understand what it means or rather how would one do it, actively.

Mona Pereth wrote:
My strategy for finding friends has always been to seek out fellow oddballs of one kind or another.

This is what I aim for, but again, how would you accelerate it. It might not even be doable to force such things to happen. I'd be glad to here your experience on it.



Mona Pereth
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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,811
Location: New York City (Queens)

21 Jan 2024, 5:07 pm

Domisdraw wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Have you tried Meetup.com?


Didn't know what it was, I just created an account and filled my preferences, I can't seem to find events related to what I chose, either because I didn't use the website correctly or just there are none, idk.

What did you choose?

What you need to search for, on Meetup.com, is groups in your local area that pertain to topics or activities that interest you. You should find meetings or activities that are interesting to you in their own right, not just for the sake of possibly meeting people.

What are some of your hobbies/interests?

Domisdraw wrote:
I don't put too much faith into it either because such gatherings mean moving somewhere and spending time with people you might not enjoy, but then you're kind of forced to stay until the end of the event. I guess it depends on the nature of the event.

If you attend an event, you should not just "stay until the end of the event," but arrive early and stay late. Before and after an event is often when the most worthwhile socializing happens.

Also, you should not expect to like everyone at an event. That's one of the reasons why the event needs to be something that is worthwhile to you in its own right, not just for the sake of meeting possible friends.

Nor should you expect the other people there to be friendly to you immediately, beyond basic politeness. Unfortunately, most groups tend to be cliquish unless the leaders make a specific effort to be friendly to newcomers -- which, alas, many group leaders don't. That means, in most groups, you'll need to attend several events of the group before other people in the group even begin to take you seriously. And, even then, it will probably be easiest to talk to fellow newcomers.

To begin to attract the attention of the old-timers, one of the best ways is to find ways to be helpful. For example, if chairs need to be arranged before the meeting and then put away afterwards, you can volunteer to help with that. Even so, don't expect to be repaid with instant attention.

Domisdraw wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Have you otherwise sought out groups of people who share one or more of your interests/hobbies/goals/beliefs/values/whatever?


Not sure to understand what it means or rather how would one do it, actively.

If you tell me what some of your interests/hobbies/goals/beliefs/values are, I might be able to give you some suggestions on how to find relevant groups, besides just on Meetup.com.

Domisdraw wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
My strategy for finding friends has always been to seek out fellow oddballs of one kind or another.

This is what I aim for, but again, how would you accelerate it. It might not even be doable to force such things to happen. I'd be glad to here your experience on it.

You can't force a friendship to happen, but you can certainly make it more likely to happen by being around people who share your interests and participating in activities that you and the other people both find interesting in their own right.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)