When a NT male finds out you are Autistic

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silverlinings1069
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18 Jan 2024, 10:13 am

Since being diagnosed with a slew of acronyms last year and this month, I have no idea how to interact with males (or females for that matter). For dating purposes, when do I tell them about myself? In the beginning, once I get to know them, never? I ask because I met a NT male before I had my autistic diagnosis. We had been texting and I got the courage to tell him. His response was not what I expected. He made the comment that I would probably be good in bed. Red flags. Lots of them. I did not know how to respond so I was very vague in my responses after than. Does this happen a lot to autistic women? And wtf is wrong with people? How would you handle it? Any tips, experiences welcome. Thank you.



Harmonie
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18 Jan 2024, 6:24 pm

I don't know that I've expressed my neurodivergence to many people and thus I am not experienced. However, I will say that I can definitely see that it might be a way for a guy to look down on you and also feel like it will be easy to take advantage of you.

Am I too cynical? Or just realistic? I don't want to be too cynical, but we all must be very careful.

I don't know how exactly to take him saying you would probably be good in bed. But it does put up a lot of red flags either way and rubs me in the wrong way big time.

I look forward to responses here with experience just as much as you do.


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Diagnosed with ADHD, Strongly Suspecting I'm also Autistic


silverlinings1069
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18 Jan 2024, 6:39 pm

^I dont think you are too cynical. We have to take care of ourselves. I am just now learning how to do that. I have never set boundaries until about 6 months ago. I didn't know how to set them or enforce them. I'm getting better now but this I still need pointers and guidance. Thanks for your response.



SharonB
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20 Jan 2024, 9:54 am

I am not dating, but I do have a new job and met new people. Generally I tell them about my characteristics - I like to think deeply about certain subjects, I feel strongly about fairness and justice, I take sensory breaks, etc. When it's time I mention I'm ND and if the subject comes up and I the circumstances are right (still fairly rare), I'll disclose that I'm Autistic. On the other hand, I have a friend who owns her own business and is dating and she discloses that she's Autistic pretty much from the onset. So far, so good for her. Moderation is good. :)

As always, context. How much is that guy serious and how much is he sarcastic. How often is "sex" more closely related to "love" (or affection) for men than for women - by nature or nurture (cultural). After decades, my NT husband knows not to tease me generally, but he still does. Sometimes I can laugh with him (yeah, right!) and other times I am offended (no way!). Perhaps you've had other red flags with this person so the context has already been established. In any case, good practice to check it out.



silverlinings1069
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20 Jan 2024, 10:50 am

^That is great advise. You are probably right about the early red flags. I'm still learning and testing the water as they say. All of this helps. Thank you.