Tedium, routine and change

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Just a bit of musing about why I am the way I am. Inspired by the recent thread about disliking change, I've been thinking about why I dislike change, even though I often find my routine tedious. Besides just plain old anxiety, which is definitely one of the reasons, I think part of it is that change often doesn't bring excitement -- "an adventure," as some people have tried to frame changes in my life -- but even more tedium. Even more confusing complications falling out of the clear blue sky. Even more chores that other people expect completed in a speedy, efficient manner, without distraction. Part of this is that I find virtually everything outside my few special interests to be tedious to some degree. And even some things within my special interests.

This is also, I think, one of the reasons I like fictional fantasy adventure and theme park thrill rides. I like the idea of exciting change...at least, when it isn't real. This is also one of the reasons I dislike the trend of readers/writers trying to make escapist fiction totally about "realism." They're trying to bring the tedium of the real world to the one place I don't find tedious.

While I was trying to post this, the WiFi suddenly went off for no apparent reason, leading me to take several more steps in order to post it. This a minor example of the kind of tedious change I'm talking about.

Does anyone else feel like this?

To be honest, tedium is not a big issue for me. I have chronic fatigue so there are a lot of things I can't do and spend a lot of my time doing nothing besides watch streaming shows, reading, puttering on the internet, sometimes riding my bike and shopping for groceries, sometimes doing a bit of art, and occasionally, like maybe two or three times a month, I go out to an event. I find this satisfactory because I have accepted that I have a limited external life and try to make up for it by having an inner life of thoughts, absorbing ideas, and observation.

I'm not looking for adventure but I don't find the sameness of my life tedious. I do find new things I have to do stressful, but my anxiety level when having to deal with them doesn't translate to tedium. I am way too stimulated by the unpleasantness of the anxiety of having to figure out new things and worrying about not being able to handle them for them to feel tedious.