Relatives waiting for me to tell them about my love life?

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Jamesy
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25 Jan 2024, 3:31 pm

I was talking to my councillor once about how my relatives (aunts and uncles etc) never ever mention my love life when they come visit me and my family. My councillor then said to me “Well maybe they are waiting for you to tell them good news about your love life”

Do you think she is right in saying that or do you think perhaps my relatives behaviour stems from prejudice? My relatives talk to my other siblings about there relationship status but never me :(



babybird
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25 Jan 2024, 3:39 pm

Sounds like they don't expect you to have a love life.

I wouldn't tell them anything out of spite if I was you.


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Jamesy
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25 Jan 2024, 3:40 pm

babybird wrote:
Sounds like they don't expect you to have a love life.

I wouldn't tell them anything out of spite if I was you.



Is this a common attitude towards autistic people?



babybird
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25 Jan 2024, 3:45 pm

I dunno Jamesy. Maybe it is.

Do you really want your relationship status to be common knowledge around your relatives?


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Jamesy
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25 Jan 2024, 3:46 pm

babybird wrote:
I dunno Jamesy. Maybe it is.

Do you really want your relationship status to be common knowledge around your relatives?



Not sure really?



babybird
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25 Jan 2024, 3:51 pm

Maybe you might like them to be proud of you or something like that

Or to think of you as something more than autistic


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The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Jan 2024, 4:10 pm

"Sexual Invisibility: the feeling that one is no longer a sexual being or that others do not perceive of one as a sexual being."

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sexual-i ... _b_8277298
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sexual-i ... _b_8198826



Fnord
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25 Jan 2024, 6:42 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I was talking to my councillor once about how my relatives (aunts and uncles etc) never ever mention my love life when they come visit me and my family. My councillor then said to me “Well maybe they are waiting for you to tell them good news about your love life”.

Do you think she is right in saying that? . . .
No.  It would have been more accurate for him to say, "Well maybe they are waiting for you to tell them that you have a love life”.


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cyberdad
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25 Jan 2024, 6:50 pm

I have no idea how close you are to your relatives but speaking for mine, my daughter is now 18 and my family have no interest in her social/love life. They only keep track of her education progress.



CockneyRebel
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26 Jan 2024, 1:56 am

They probably don't expect you to have a love life.


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nick007
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26 Jan 2024, 3:23 am

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I was talking to my councillor once about how my relatives (aunts and uncles etc) never ever mention my love life when they come visit me and my family. My councillor then said to me “Well maybe they are waiting for you to tell them good news about your love life”.

Do you think she is right in saying that? . . .
No.  It would have been more accurate for him to say, "Well maybe they are waiting for you to tell them that you have a love life”.
I think so as well. My relatives never asked me about my love life either when I was single. They only asked a little when I was in a relationship. I never had a very close relationship with any of my family thou & when I was in a relationship they heard about it from my parents or grandparents before they saw me & asked for the deets. I think it's belittling to ask someone about that stuff when you already know the person is single or very likely single. This might be related to your autism James or you majorly struggle with obtaining relationships for other reasons & because of those reasons along with you being single for so long others don't expect you to be in a relationship unless you are someone else mentions it to them.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jan 2024, 3:44 am

Expecting you to get married soon is also annoying.



nick007
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26 Jan 2024, 4:55 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Expecting you to get married soon is also annoying.
True. Especially when you want to get married but your currently single or your in a relationship but marriage is not a viable option for the foreseeable future.


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DuckHairback
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26 Jan 2024, 4:56 am

I would have considered it strange if my relatives asked me questions about my love life when i was younger. I can't imagine they'd have been in the slightest bit interested.

Do you think they might ask because you're older and still visibly unattached? Perhaps they're just being respectful of your private business? Perhaps they get their info from your parents?


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26 Jan 2024, 10:17 am

nick007 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Expecting you to get married soon is also annoying.
True. Especially when you want to get married but your currently single or your in a relationship but marriage is not a viable option for the foreseeable future.


This is my situation

I know I can't get married right now which sucks but I have to start from the bottom (dating)

Eventually like next year if I find a man that I just CANNOT live without I will probably get married!

This year will be used to date various men


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