FB post that bothered me

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I think it doesn't matter. I agree with Cockney Rebel, the act of posting memes means whether NT or ND the parent here isn't thinking about how their child feels. I could accuse my own parents of this to me and my 18 year old daughter often uses this argument when she has a meltdown. Quite universal teenage mantra, my parents don't understand that what they do makes me feel this way.

( response to mountain goat’s post)Yes, meltdowns and tantrums are completely different. You can’t use the words interchangeably. Tantrums are the manipulative actions of spoiled people trying to get what they want. There must be an objective and there must be an audience. Once the person gets what he wants, the tantrum stops. If he doesn’t get what he wants, the tantrums escalate.

A meltdown or shutdown is a neurological, involuntary bodily response to the brain being completely overwhelmed or overstimulated. It’s not because the person wants something he can’t have. It is not manipulation. It will happen whether someone else is present or not.

Yes to this!

I've tried looking for that character on Facebook so I could give her a piece of my mind.

I was actually mistaken. I saw it on youtube. I noticed that when I got a notification that someone gave me a thumbs up on my comment to give her a medal. I will see if I can find it for you.

I'd like you to find it, please.

I found the comments where I posted but there isn’t a video attached to it I am also looking through my history but I am not finding the video. I wonder if it was removed. All the comments are there, all these people saying she is a great mom, but no video.

Cockney Rebel, I just found it. It was a post on YouTube. That is why I had confused it with FB. Funny, I accidentally wrote pee cards in my original post instead of pec cards!
I am going to try to put the screenshot in. I don’t see how to put a screenshot in this message

The mom is called AutismMom and Travel on YouTube. If you put AutismMom and Travel in the YouTube search, you will find it in her posts.

Thats what I said.

This isnt a contradiction but an addition. I think children use tantrums due to a lack of cognitive ability too. They're still children. NT or ND. Their brain and frontal lobe development. It becomes more manipulative the more able the child becomes and reinforced by parents/caregivers.

A very brief skim of this channel is a narcissistic trope. This is all about the mum and her opinions qualified by simply being a mum and having an autistic child.

That makes sense. Their abilities to reason and express themselves are not developed. It becomes really scary though when they continue that manipulative behavior into their teen and adult years and basically become Karens.

Yeah, I do have a lot of compassion for parents of high needs individuals but it’s the way that they talk about their challenges and even their accomplishments that bothers me. I commented on one of her videos that we truly do understand and that we really are grateful and supportive of people who raise us, we understand that parents don’t come with instruction books. I also told her that there are many Autistic people who are also parents and many Autistic people who have Autistic children. So it’s not like no Autistic person knows what it’s like to be a parent or to be a parent of special needs children. But I explained how memes and tshirts equating Autism parents to superheroes make me feel guilty for existing.

I love that parents can be open about their challenges and victories. I think it’s healthy and I support that. I even think it’s good and healthy to laugh and make humor with it. But many of these memes and things like that feel like they cross the line and feel incredibly disrespectful.

Is this the feeling you got from what you saw of her content?
I am asking because I had to look up the word “trope,” my vocabulary is not the greatest, so I am not sure what “narcissistic trope” actually means. Do you get the same vibe that I am getting from her channel? I don’t really know how to describe the vibe I feel, it just feels off to me. I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

I know a mom of an autistic boy personally. I hate to say that she does stuff like this a lot. Even before I had any clue at all that I might be on the spectrum, I always thought of how embarrassing this will be for him when he gets older.

It's even worse for me now, of course. What's she going to do if I get diagnosed down the line and then she then finds out I am autistic as well? She is part of my family. It might give her pause, I suppose. Or she might just keep on doing what she's doing because I'm "different" (as in more high functioning) from her son.

I think that if you do get diagnosed, you should tell her. I have reached out to some of my cousins since I got my diagnosis. They are younger than I am except one who is my age. Some of them are Autistic themselves or are Autism parents. One of my cousins is Autistic, has an Autistic husband, and they have a little Autistic daughter as well as nt children. I found that my experience has really helped them. Two of my cousins even figured out that they were Autistic by my sharing my life with them.

One of my cousins, in particular, is nt but has an adult Autistic child. We talk all the time and me sharing my life with her has really helped her grow and mature in her understanding of how her own child might feel by the things she does or says. I have seen huge changes in how she treats her child and their relationship has improved. She is always thankful for my help. Hopefully your family member will respond the same way.

What I found that works for me is to be very patient and understanding of their perspective. I share how things make me feel and how I am affected by things. That gives them a chance to relate and share with me. With patient, calm communication where we really try to listen to each other, that works well.

I think it's unfortunate but it's a very easy trap to fall into - we all have our crosses to bear, and if one person highlights their own particular hardship and crows about having coped with it without saying anything to put it into perspective, it kind of insinuates that they're the only one who is hard done by, even if that was never their intention. The issue of NTs and NDs suffering at each other's hands is thorny and contentious, and it can be hurtful to one neurotype to hear the other neurotype talking about nothing else except their own plight. But I think on balance it's the NDs who suffer the most - our suicide rate is said to be worse, we tend not to be given very good jobs, we often get bullied and socially isolated, etc. - so I can see how the stuff that an ND's caregiver comes out with can come over as rather offensive.