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The Tomboy Question

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ASPartOfMe
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01 Feb 2024, 10:48 pm

Fnord wrote:
Tomboys, back in my day, were just girls who enjoyed boys' activities and dressed for those activities. Then, when puberty hit, they started being more 'girly'.


That was about it.

I had no idea people still used that word.

I wonder how many people we called tomboys were a different gender than they were assigned at birth but did not know it because that was not a thing anybody talked about certainly not children. It was a binary world then. While there were girls' sports they "played like girls". That is not at all true today.


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02 Feb 2024, 12:14 am

I have read a comment by Deborah Brancheau regarding the usage of the word Tomboy. She said the following.

Deborah Brancheau wrote:
It’s not derogatory but we need to stop using it. It’s confusing for little girls. Girls who like to wear pants, play with cars, and climb the jungle gym are known as GIRLS (not yelling just emphasizing).

When I was a kid I played with everything from GI Joe to Barbie. And while I hated pink and wearing dresses, I loved My Little Pony and Cabbage Patch Dolls (I had 4). I never felt like a boy nor identified as a boy but many adults insisted on calling me a tomboy. I was 3/4/5 years old and I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I would scream back at them that I was a girl but they continued to call me a boy (in my mind).

Even worse, my kindergarten teacher went further and was fearful that if I was a tomboy I might grow up to be a lesbian (I’m not and I’d be fine if I was). So she (without my parents knowing) scheduled me for weekly “therapy” sessions with the principal. I taken out of class every Wednesday and questioned about who I was attracted to (no one - I was 5).

We need to accept that GIRLS like to wear jeans and a t-shirt, to play with toy cars, to play sports, to play in the playground. And they shouldn’t ever feel that liking those things makes them freaks, unusual, unfeminine or another gender.


Judging by the comment, yes, tomboys are still girls even if they tend to enjoy also masculine activity and dress in masculine clothing. Unfortunately for her, she had a stressful past of being a tomboy because people thought of her as a boy. Worst of all, her teacher thought she was a lesbian (she was literally five years old so how can she possibly feel sexual attraction at a young age?) and sent her to "therapy" and questioned her on who she was attracted to.

This comment can be interpreted under the fact that this woman was enjoying activity and dressing in clothing stereotypically associated with men but unfortunately, people would assume that she is a boy (trans male?) or that she is lesbian (and why the hell at the age of five?).

At the same time some women don't like being called "tomboys" at all even if they enjoy being in male clothing and female body mainly because they wanna be themselves. However that statement misinterprets the word tomboy as applying to the female population that wears clothing such as jeans, t-shirt, and such. What a tomboy really is isn't just clothing but also if the said girl or woman tends to have rather boyish behavior and is more relatable with the boys or men rather than the other girls or women.


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traven
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02 Feb 2024, 1:24 am

we don't have a word/thing like that here
i perso, wasn't girly, but more certainly not boyish, being quite clumsy/uncoordinated and prone to crying, that wasn't in the cards
reading, drawing, crafting i liked, and my outdoor toys, & animals as i grew older
since i had brothers i played more with them,
and dad was likely asp therefore? we had more technical toys then most, i guess



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02 Feb 2024, 1:31 am

traven wrote:
we don't have a word/thing like that here
i perso, wasn't girly, but more certainly not boyish, being quite clumsy/uncoordinated and prone to crying, that wasn't in the cards
reading, drawing, crafting i liked, and my outdoor toys, & animals as i grew older
since i had brothers i played more with them,
and dad was likely asp therefore? we had more technical toys then most, i guess


This also helps with the idea that not all tomboys are women who have to be either having steroid muscles or being emotionless. I pretty much am more comfortable with the soft tomboy idea since they're not sporty, but at least entertaining, relatable, calm, and a little bit energetic (like taking walks around the area or something). It's what I would prefer if I ever got a chance with a soft tomboy.


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02 Feb 2024, 1:43 am

Fnord wrote:
Tomboys, back in my day, were just girls who enjoyed boys' activities and dressed for those activities. Then, when puberty hit, they started being more 'girly'.

Their sexuality never concerned me.

Why obsess about it anyway?


It is the 2020s, and society has changed rapidly compared to your old days.


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02 Feb 2024, 3:09 am

Yugoslav1945 wrote:
I have read a comment by Deborah Brancheau regarding the usage of the word Tomboy. She said the following.

Deborah Brancheau wrote:
It’s not derogatory but we need to stop using it. It’s confusing for little girls. Girls who like to wear pants, play with cars, and climb the jungle gym are known as GIRLS (not yelling just emphasizing).

When I was a kid I played with everything from GI Joe to Barbie. And while I hated pink and wearing dresses, I loved My Little Pony and Cabbage Patch Dolls (I had 4). I never felt like a boy nor identified as a boy but many adults insisted on calling me a tomboy. I was 3/4/5 years old and I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I would scream back at them that I was a girl but they continued to call me a boy (in my mind).

Even worse, my kindergarten teacher went further and was fearful that if I was a tomboy I might grow up to be a lesbian (I’m not and I’d be fine if I was). So she (without my parents knowing) scheduled me for weekly “therapy” sessions with the principal. I taken out of class every Wednesday and questioned about who I was attracted to (no one - I was 5).

We need to accept that GIRLS like to wear jeans and a t-shirt, to play with toy cars, to play sports, to play in the playground. And they shouldn’t ever feel that liking those things makes them freaks, unusual, unfeminine or another gender.


Judging by the comment, yes, tomboys are still girls even if they tend to enjoy also masculine activity and dress in masculine clothing. Unfortunately for her, she had a stressful past of being a tomboy because people thought of her as a boy. Worst of all, her teacher thought she was a lesbian (she was literally five years old so how can she possibly feel sexual attraction at a young age?) and sent her to "therapy" and questioned her on who she was attracted to.

This comment can be interpreted under the fact that this woman was enjoying activity and dressing in clothing stereotypically associated with men but unfortunately, people would assume that she is a boy (trans male?) or that she is lesbian (and why the hell at the age of five?).

At the same time some women don't like being called "tomboys" at all even if they enjoy being in male clothing and female body mainly because they wanna be themselves. However that statement misinterprets the word tomboy as applying to the female population that wears clothing such as jeans, t-shirt, and such. What a tomboy really is isn't just clothing but also if the said girl or woman tends to have rather boyish behavior and is more relatable with the boys or men rather than the other girls or women.

What I read here:
1. The very word "tomboy" was confusing to little Deborah because she was neither a boy nor her name was Tom - people described her with a term they didn't bother to explain.
2. WTF preschool teachers trying to "fix" future sexuality of a child? 8O That's a sick obsession!


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02 Feb 2024, 3:20 am

magz wrote:
What I read here:
1. The very word "tomboy" was confusing to little Deborah because she was neither a boy nor her name was Tom - people described her with a term they didn't bother to explain.
2. WTF preschool teachers trying to "fix" future sexuality of a child? 8O That's a sick obsession!


Yeah, Deborah didn't realize that Tom isn't actually a name but a prefix of the word tomboy which dates back to the 16th century and had a rather negative connotation by depicting a "rude and boisterous boy".


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02 Feb 2024, 5:38 pm

magz wrote:
I never felt stigmatized for my tomboyish style.

My impression is that girls being tomboys has never really been stigmatized. The opposite thing, boys playing with "girl toys" or dressing in girls clothes, then we are talking stigmatized on a whole different level.


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02 Feb 2024, 11:15 pm

BillyTree wrote:
magz wrote:
I never felt stigmatized for my tomboyish style.

My impression is that girls being tomboys has never really been stigmatized. The opposite thing, boys playing with "girl toys" or dressing in girls clothes, then we are talking stigmatized on a whole different level.

That is true. From what I can tell from my personal view, the psyche of our mind is devoted to being more accepting of tomboys rather than femboys. When I see a tomboy I don't say much against it, but the moment I see a femboy, I get really disturbed.


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02 Feb 2024, 11:17 pm

Yugoslav1945 wrote:
BillyTree wrote:
magz wrote:
I never felt stigmatized for my tomboyish style.

My impression is that girls being tomboys has never really been stigmatized. The opposite thing, boys playing with "girl toys" or dressing in girls clothes, then we are talking stigmatized on a whole different level.

…the moment I see a femboy, I get really disturbed.

Why?


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02 Feb 2024, 11:27 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Why?


Honestly, when a man tries to be feminine with me. I get really uncomfortable. Just yesterday at school, a couple of boys jokingly wanted to kiss me and I simply backed away.


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02 Feb 2024, 11:37 pm

Yugoslav1945 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Why?


Honestly, when a man tries to be feminine with me. I get really uncomfortable. Just yesterday at school, a couple of boys jokingly wanted to kiss me and I simply backed away.


I'm not sure that 'being feminine' is synonymous with trying to sexually harass you. Most people would be uncomfortable with someone trying to sexually harass them.


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02 Feb 2024, 11:57 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Yugoslav1945 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Why?


Honestly, when a man tries to be feminine with me. I get really uncomfortable. Just yesterday at school, a couple of boys jokingly wanted to kiss me and I simply backed away.


I'm not sure that 'being feminine' is synonymous with trying to sexually harass you. Most people would be uncomfortable with someone trying to sexually harass them.


Well yes. It was kind of a form of sexual harassment.


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03 Feb 2024, 12:03 am

Yugoslav1945 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Yugoslav1945 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Why?


Honestly, when a man tries to be feminine with me. I get really uncomfortable. Just yesterday at school, a couple of boys jokingly wanted to kiss me and I simply backed away.


I'm not sure that 'being feminine' is synonymous with trying to sexually harass you. Most people would be uncomfortable with someone trying to sexually harass them.


Well yes. It was kind of a form of sexual harassment.


How does seeing effeminate men make you uncomfortable, supposing they're not harassing you like that?


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03 Feb 2024, 12:17 am

I'm agender, but was considered a tomboy as a kid.


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03 Feb 2024, 12:47 am

funeralxempire wrote:
How does seeing effeminate men make you uncomfortable, supposing they're not harassing you like that?


Never have I been taught that effeminate men are normal people. My life story of my political views is sad and people seem to don't understand it. Most of the stuff for me is black and white for me. I don't know how long will I last before I am told that I am unfit and outdated for society even though I am 18 years of age and yet my outlook matches that of an average 1960s person. Plus my autism doesn't really help as it won't let me easily adapt to these new changes.


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