scared of being in a relationship

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alma1
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05 Feb 2024, 5:14 pm

hello - does anyone know how to get over a generalized fear of intimacy/being in a relationship? Went on a first date recently and it went very well (it lasted eight hours) but when things started getting physical I got really uncomfortable and for the next two days afterwards I was very upset and anxious. We stopped being physical pretty fast because the other person informed me that they were breaking up with their current S/O and that it didn't feel right. I agreed but they still want to see me; I'm seeing them in about two weeks and feeling pretty anxious about it but also looking forward to it, if that makes sense. Every relationship I've been in has kind of been like this, where I'll sort of just feel ambiently uncomfortable at having to be emotionally/physically intimate with the other person, even if I also like it. It's really confusing and I'm also worried that I'm being used.



TwilightPrincess
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05 Feb 2024, 5:24 pm

Are they going to break up with their current partner before they see you again? I find it concerning that they chose to go on a date at all if they were still with someone.

Apart from that, I would be really uncomfortable with physical intimacy during a first date too. Is it easier for you once you get to know someone better?


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alma1
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05 Feb 2024, 10:08 pm

They're in the process of breaking up. This was happening before they met me, apparently. It's usually easier but I always find being emotionally/romantically involved with someone else uncomfortable in the sense that I'm losing a lot of privacy and putting myself at risk.



CockneyRebel
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05 Feb 2024, 10:08 pm

I also have a fear of being in a relationship. I figure that with all the horror stories I hear, I'm better off alone.


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Jermaine
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05 Feb 2024, 10:11 pm

The term for what he's doing is called 'Monkey Branching'

https://eightify.app/summary/relationsh ... work%20out.


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Mikurotoro92
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06 Feb 2024, 3:35 am

Me too

Maybe that is the true reason I have held off on sex and intimacy?

I say I want sex but I bet when the time actually comes I would freak out!! !

I have trouble going beyond making out and passionate kissing...


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MaxE
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06 Feb 2024, 6:10 am

Jermaine wrote:
The term for what he's doing is called 'Monkey Branching'

https://eightify.app/summary/relationsh ... work%20out.

I wouldn't assume that a male pronoun applies to this person.


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AprilR
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10 Feb 2024, 8:25 am

Yep, that's also what i feel. I often worry about things getting serious, them learning i have autism and being put off.



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10 Feb 2024, 9:24 am

OP stay far away from anyone who is dating you and they are saying “oh yeah I’m breaking up with my SO.”

You are probably going to be the side woman. Break it off. It’s not going to be good.


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nick007
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10 Feb 2024, 3:35 pm

honeytoast wrote:
OP stay far away from anyone who is dating you and they are saying “oh yeah I’m breaking up with my SO.”

You are probably going to be the side woman. Break it off. It’s not going to be good.
Well said.

As for the rest of the original post, I'm scared of not being in a relationship. However I've also been very anxious when trying to initiate a relationship, during the early stages of a relationship like getting to know each other, & when my relationships are having major problems or lots of various stressors. I guess that me knowing how difficult my life was being alone & how much I hated living with my parents & that I cant really handle living alone was a major motivating factor for me to try pursuing relationships & try trudging through the stress & anxiety of getting a relationship to the point of being serious.


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