Casual sex poll

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Female and I...have no idea what I think. I've been alone for sooooo long. But at the same time, it should be with someone I'm in love with. I'm somewhat demisexual but then I don't know. I have no clue what I am. I'm confused. Probably best for me never to say yes to casual sex. But then again I don't want to fall in love with someone and then get to that point of seriousness with them and be like "Oh wait, I can't do this. Sex is gross" and offend them. Whereas if I first tried casual sex and got the answer to whether or not I even could do it with someone then at least if that answer was no at that point it would be taken less personally.

tl;dr version: I don't know.

You can also get naked without having sex. You could take your clothes off and watch a SpongeBob marathon.

If you fell in love with someone and didn't know if you wanted sex, you could just get naked with that person and watch SpongeBob with them.

I’m not sure if Harmonie cares that much about SpongeBob.

Is that what you and your wife usually do?

*waves asexual flag*

Seriously, for most people on the AS, casual sex is probably not as effortless as it might seem. Like if you don't have many opportunities then you find someone who is willing to have sex with you, you will probably want to do it again and again and again. And pretty soon you will have expectations of that person, then you'll have a hard time if they don't want to anymore. I have experienced casual sex a few times, however only one situation in which it was understood from the start that it would never be serious, and when that person eventually got into a serious relationship with someone else, I was sad I'd never have sex with her again. It probably leads to some sort of bad feelings more often than not. So even if you say you're willing, the reality might not be a rousing success. The only people who regularly get away with it are people who regularly get lots of matches on Tinder and their expectation is to have sex with lots of different people over a short period of time. For the rest of us, it can be a minefield.

We aren't asexual and we don't watch SpongeBob since our kids stopped watching it.

I’m not sure what your point is in saying that you and your wife aren’t asexual. Harmonie said that she was probably somewhat demisexual. I don’t watch SpongeBob either.

There was a time when I was against the idea of having sex outside a serious romantic relationship & I never been religious nor really care about cultural standards despite growing up in Louisiana. I go my own way with things. Part of the reason I was against the idea was because my first girlfriend cheated on me with her ex/previous F-buddy due to him offering her drugs. She lived in Texas btw. Another reason I'm not very interested in causual sex is because it's very difficult for me to feel comfortable with someone if we're not close & serious enough to be in a romantic relationship. I also might be somewhat on the asexuality slectrum like around demisexual or gray-A & I care about relationship things other than sex. I do not want a relationship majorly focused on having sex.



I acutally knew an Aspie online who lost his virginity by hooking up with a woman after a wedding they were both guest at. He insisted on taking her out after. She agreed to the date due to feeling sorry for him because he was upfront about his lack of experience. They got married like half a year later when she graduated college. She had a job offer to relocate & didn't wanna do the long distance relationship thing. They lived in Texas & didn't wanna face stigma for living together unmarried. We didn't really chat after that A hope for that kinda scenario is one reason I mighta been willing to have casual sex if I had the right oppertunity to when I was single & lonely.

Reasons I’ve never had ANY kind of sex:

Any and all feelings of affections for a girl were forbidden, lest I get my fat arse beaten by my parents, and the object of my affection was vilified by my parents.

I have been sexually abused by a girl about my age, when I was a teenager. I never said anything about that incident since I knew I would be blamed and physically punished by my parents for allowing it to happen.

I also got abused by several older teenaged girls at a school bus stop that managed to get their hands down my pants. Again, I never said anything to my parents for fear of getting my fat arse beaten by my parents for allowing it to happen.

Yes, I still have nightmares about this. I desperately wanted to see a therapist, but my parents and relatives all followed Louis B. Mayer’s dictum regarding mental health. It’s part of the reason I’m so grossly overweight.

I would not, partly bc of religious reasons, and partly bc i could not do that with someone i don't know well or trust.

That's a big thing. An episode of casual sex could lead to something more. Like both people enjoyed it and want to keep doing it, so they continue to have regular contact, then it gets to the point that they see no reason to stop. So they just stay together indefinitely. If they basically like each other for other reasons than just sex, they have the basis for a relationship. This is why I would recommend to people that, depending on the circumstances, they shouldn't automatically turn down opportunities for casual sex, even given the risks. Plus it's worthwhile to me to be able to experience how different people function when in the throes of sexual arousal, it's a side of them you wouldn't otherwise see. I am amazed at the degree to which women vary as to what they like to do or have done to them.

I wouldn’t make such a recommendation. I think that people should do what they want to do. If people aren’t into the idea of casual sex, they probably shouldn’t have it. Just because some are into it doesn’t mean that others would be. Everyone is different.

I completely agree with you TP. Hypothetically if I had the right opportunity for casual sex & had taken it, I probably woulda got very clingy with her after which woulda likely scared her off. At this point in my life I do not regret not having done the casual sex thing if no serious relationship woulda developed.

Can I even call myself demisexual at all if it is possible for me to have sexual attraction for people that I haven't first fallen in love with? The only reason I float around the word demisexual at all is the fact that the two people I have fallen in love with I had no physical attraction to them until after I fell for them romantically.

I try not to think too much about any of this. My sexuality is full of contradictions and I don't know what any of it means.

Sexuality doesn’t always fit neatly into one box or category. We’re all different. Sometimes it’s helpful to use labels because it helps other people understand, but things aren’t always so clearcut and it leads to confusion sometimes too.

As far as my personal identity as a demisexual is concerned, I wouldn’t say that I’m asexual nor on the asexual spectrum even though demisexuality is often considered to be so, not that there’s anything wrong with being on the asexual spectrum. I have a high sex drive and would have a normal sex life if I was in a decent relationship. Until that happens, I’m more than happy with taking care of things on my own. I personally think of demisexuality as being its own thing. I’m attracted to personalities, not so much physical appearances to the point that I don’t have a preference concerning gender. I don’t fully grasp physical attraction because I don’t really experience it. I’ve never had sexual feelings for nor fantasized about a celebrity or someone I didn’t know or didn’t have romantic feelings for.

IMO, it just comes down to: we like what we like.