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babybird
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11 Feb 2024, 11:41 am

Yeah


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TwilightPrincess
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11 Feb 2024, 11:42 am

If I’m in a relationship with someone, I don’t consider myself single although I suppose I would be considered so from a legal standpoint. A person can be technically married but feel more alone than when they were truly single. That’s how I felt.

With all that being said, we all have a different take when it comes to this stuff.

Personally speaking, I don’t think human relationships can be adequately defined or limited by a piece of paper (or lack thereof). People can identify however they want to though.


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babybird
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11 Feb 2024, 11:51 am

This has gone way off course

I've asked for it to be edited down


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IsabellaLinton
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11 Feb 2024, 11:52 am

I take it from the OP who is asking about how people cope day to day, financially.
No one has ever helped me financially, not even when I was married.

I'm proud of the fact I survived as a single and independent woman.

I'm not sure why people are always so interested in my dating eligibility here though.


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IsabellaLinton
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11 Feb 2024, 11:53 am

It went off course because my dating status was questioned yet again, so I replied.


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MatchboxVagabond
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11 Feb 2024, 11:54 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
How do you feel about being single for the rest of your life and having no children? Or are you married with children?

If you're talking single and not even dating anybody, that can be an issue later on in life due to a lack of support in old age.

That being said, I'm personally married and still hoping to have kids, so clearly being single and childless isn't what I want. I do think that for some people, being single and childless can be the right call, it just requires a lot of planning to ensure that there are arrangements in place for things like dementia and infirmity that frequently accompanies old age.



MatchboxVagabond
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11 Feb 2024, 11:56 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
If I’m in a relationship with someone, I don’t consider myself single although I suppose I would be considered so from a legal standpoint. A person can be technically married but feel more alone than when they were truly single. That’s how I felt.

With all that being said, we all have a different take when it comes to this stuff.

Personally speaking, I don’t think human relationships can be adequately defined or limited by a piece of paper (or lack thereof). People can identify however they want to though.

Being unmarried versus being completely without romantic partner didn't used to be a major consideration as it wasn't as common for people to do a lot of dating or remain in committed marriages without the marriage. I do think that it's probably time for a term to be added to help differentiate the two situations.

Theoretically, being married is supposed to mean that failing a sudden death that you can plan a little bit further out and they shouldn't be able to just not show up one night and go elsewhere forever. (Obviously a jerk move, but completely legal)



TwilightPrincess
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11 Feb 2024, 11:56 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I take it from the OP who is asking about how people cope day to day, financially.
No one has ever helped me financially, not even when I was married.

I'm proud of the fact I survived as a single and independent woman.

Did the OP mention finances?


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IsabellaLinton
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11 Feb 2024, 12:00 pm

The OP has has written a series of threads and posts asking how people manage to pay their bills on minimum wage, or save on utilities, etc., in light of his current financial problems with housing. I know this thread doesn't specifically say finances but it seems to be the same line of thinking about his predicament. In either event his two choices didn't match my situation so I clarified that there is a third choice for many of us.


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Cornflake
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11 Feb 2024, 12:01 pm

 ! Cornflake wrote:
Now the definition of "single" appears to have been satisfactorily agreed, can the conversation be directed to what the OP was actually asking?
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
How do you feel about being single for the rest of your life and having no children? Or are you married with children?


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IsabellaLinton
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11 Feb 2024, 12:05 pm

How do we account for people who are single with children?

How do I feel about it?

I feel upset that people screwed me and my kids around so badly.
I feel hurt that their own father caused / causes so much anguish.
I feel proud that my kids are the amazing humans they are.
I feel proud that I did it on my own.


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TwilightPrincess
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11 Feb 2024, 12:16 pm

I suspect that people experience different emotions when it comes to the idea of being single for life. It’s hard to know that one will remain single unless they’re aromantic or want to be single though. I never intend on remarrying, but I don’t think I’ll be single for life either. If I thought that was the case, I’d probably focus on other things, like engaging in special interests and raising my son. (I’d do that no matter what. :lol: )

Being alone is hard for a lot of people. I don’t want to minimize that. Of course, better alone than badly accompanied.


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AprilR
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11 Feb 2024, 12:25 pm

I will probably be single for life, because i dont live in a country where people would want an autistic girlfriend, wife or mother. And i am lacking in too many ways to be a wife and mother my society expects me to be.

It does not particularly make me sad, as much as anxious since i am afraid to be alone when i am old. But it is still better than failing to meet people's expectations.



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11 Feb 2024, 12:38 pm

Oh if I was single for the rest of my life and hadn't of had my daughter I would either be dead now or serving time in prison. My daughter literally saved my life.

I've never been married and never even wanted to be married. It's just not my scene


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DuckHairback
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11 Feb 2024, 1:06 pm

I'm unmarried with a child but i may as well be married given I've lived with the same person for 20 years now.

Having a partner, someone who is always there for you and has your back is a wonderful thing. Getting to know someone deeply is a worthwhile experience. It's also another person's crap to deal with, it's obligations and inconveniences.

Having a child is a tremendous responsibility, a massive drag on your time, money and freedom and makes you vulnerable to things you'd perhaps not imagine until you experience it. It's also an incredible opportunity to grow personally, have a unique relationship with another human and can be extremely rewarding. It might be the most meaningful thing you can do. But it's not for everyone.

But also being single and only having your own needs to worry about, being able to do exactly what you want, when you want and not having to consider anyone else is an extraordinary freedom and if you have it, you should value it.

Ultimately either option is a compromise. There is no best of both worlds. You pick a path, or a path picks you, and you do your best.

That's how I feel about it.


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Jutty1224
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11 Feb 2024, 1:27 pm

When I was younger I was desperate to be in a relationship. For a few months when I was 19/20 I did have a girlfriend. Eventually there came a time that I realized marriage is not my vocation, and I'm fine with that now.