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Needing to conform!

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Jamesy
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12 Feb 2024, 12:45 pm

Once when I was out with associates this one guy who has functioning aspergers said to me "It's really obvious you have autism by your mannerisms" and he kept saying to me "You need to conform"

Do you think he's being ignorant or just trying to give me helpful advice?



babybird
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12 Feb 2024, 12:53 pm

He's probably trying to help you


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Jamesy
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12 Feb 2024, 12:55 pm

babybird wrote:
He's probably trying to help you



It's hard to act neurotypical



babybird
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12 Feb 2024, 1:34 pm

You don't have to act nt to conform


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blitzkrieg
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12 Feb 2024, 2:41 pm

He sounds like he was encouraging you to be less autistic, which seems ableist to me.



honeytoast
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12 Feb 2024, 4:56 pm

what were you doing?


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babybird
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12 Feb 2024, 4:56 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
He sounds like he was encouraging you to be less autistic, which seems ableist to me.


What does ableist actually mean


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Jamesy
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12 Feb 2024, 4:57 pm

honeytoast wrote:
what were you doing?



Just sitting at a table with people. This was back in 2016 during a difficult stage of my life



blitzkrieg
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12 Feb 2024, 5:01 pm

babybird wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
He sounds like he was encouraging you to be less autistic, which seems ableist to me.


What does ableist actually mean


According to Cambridge dictionary it means:

"coming from or having the belief that disabled people - people who have an illness, injury, or condition that makes it difficult for them to do things that most other people can do, are not as good as people who are not disabled, or that they do not deserve special arrangements that help them to live their lives and be included in society."


https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/ableist

Jamesy mentioned a person in the scenario he depicted in his opening post, as having pointed out the obvious nature of Jamesy's autistic mannerisms and then said Jamesy needs to conform, which I would take to mean that the person who said that was discriminating against Jamesy and his autistic mannerisms, which is effectively disability discrimination.



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12 Feb 2024, 5:05 pm

Ok. I'm just not up on all these fancy terms for things.


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blitzkrieg
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12 Feb 2024, 5:08 pm

babybird wrote:
Ok. I'm just not up on all these fancy terms for things.


It's okay BB.

I felt the same way up until a few years ago, but I have read a bit about the term now so it seems more regular for me.



Benjamin the Donkey
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13 Feb 2024, 5:12 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Once when I was out with associates this one guy who has functioning aspergers said to me "It's really obvious you have autism by your mannerisms" and he kept saying to me "You need to conform"

Do you think he's being ignorant or just trying to give me helpful advice?


Both.


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14 Feb 2024, 11:13 am

You wrote that guy "has functioning aspergers". What does "functioning" mean in this context?


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Jamesy
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14 Feb 2024, 11:55 pm

BillyTree wrote:
You wrote that guy "has functioning aspergers". What does "functioning" mean in this context?



He can mask it a lot begged than me



Stormyweathers
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17 Feb 2024, 2:00 am

Quick, hide, pretend to be neurotypical before someone sees you. /sigh

Decades later, you too will savor the masochistic pleasures of masking exhaustion. :mrgreen:



Stormyweathers
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17 Feb 2024, 2:04 am

BillyTree wrote:
You wrote that guy "has functioning aspergers". What does "functioning" mean in this context?


Good question. With only one exception, I have held down every job I have ever had for at least a year. I've only been in institutions twice, suffocated by law enforcement once, and other than that have managed to provide for my family.

I call that functioning aspergers.

I'm genuinely curious. How would you define that phrase?