I felt disabled today

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I don't feel so bad now, because I re-connected with my inner kaleidoscope of golden warm light.

Team lunch today. Changed things around to be there. Personal interactions are good and valuable, and I learn so much from informal interactions that I would never have otherwise.

HOWEVER.

One of the ways autism manifests for me is undersensitivity to proprioception i.e. I literally don't know where my body is, without looking.

Route to lunch place was up and down wide brick steps, sometimes without a handrail. Then over an arched slippery metal bridge ... the kid in front was practicing his skids.

By that time I had to ask one of my colleagues to physically support me, otherwise I would not have made the journey.

Colleagues were supportive and made time for me. But it was an afterthought.

We found a safe way back that didn't have to go through all this afterwards, but I still felt an exception and a burden.

For me, DEI means quietly and thoughtfully organising something in ways that wouldn't leave me feeling like a cripple afterwards. No having to go out of their way. No fuss. Just quietly considerate.

Yeah, it sucks. Sometimes it seems like you're damned either way..... "speak up, no one knows your needs if you don't tell them". But also "why are you complaining so much? stop talking about your disability"