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Pros and cons of "three dates"

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Is three dates too early for physical intimacy?
Yes 27%  27%  [ 3 ]
No 73%  73%  [ 8 ]
Total votes : 11

MaxE
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27 Feb 2024, 5:57 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
In the US:

https://www.statista.com/statistics/136 ... ender-gap/

I apologize for not reading the entire paper. But I would need to ask what most people would mean by people achieving orgasm from sex? Any sort of sexual encounter?

Consider these two first sexual encounter scenarios I experienced that led to long or medium term relationships:

Show Spoiler
(m24/f21) She gave me a hand job then masturbated (she had her period).


Show Spoiler
(m31/f29)I performed oral sex on her, she thanked me, then I said goodbye for the night. I never took my own pants off that evening, and only she had an orgasm. Best I can recall, "proper" PIV happened on the next date (when we had a condom, I guess).


How would those two encounters be considered in that study?


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TwilightPrincess
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27 Feb 2024, 8:47 am

If you google the topic, women are having way fewer orgasms than men in partnered sex. I don’t want to make this too adult, but based on what I’ve experienced and heard from other women, it doesn’t surprise me at all.

Show Spoiler
This study includes sexual encounters of any type and gives a breakdown although overall:
Quote:
Australian researchers asked 5,118 men and women aged 16 to 59 about the four factors mentioned above, and then asked them to describe what had happened during their most recent partner-sex encounter, and if they’d had an orgasm. Overall, 95 percent of men reported orgasms, but only 69 percent of women.

But for women, rates of orgasm varied considerably based on the number of actions:

- One (just intercourse): 50 percent of the women reported orgasms.
- Two (hand massage and intercourse): 71 percent.
- Three (hand massage, cunnilingus, and intercourse): 86 percent.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... ve-orgasms

I’d want to know that someone wasn’t just an intercourse guy before sleeping with him. I think it takes time to determine if someone would be selfish or not. Having discussions about sex probably helps.

Lesbian women are much more likely to orgasm in partnered sex than hetero women:
Quote:
There is a notable gap between heterosexual men and women in frequency of orgasm during sex. Little is known, however, about sexual orientation differences in orgasm frequency. We examined how over 30 different traits or behaviors were associated with frequency of orgasm when sexually intimate during the past month. We analyzed a large US sample of adults (N = 52,588) who identified as heterosexual men (n = 26,032), gay men (n = 452), bisexual men (n = 550), lesbian women (n = 340), bisexual women (n = 1112), and heterosexual women (n = 24,102). Heterosexual men were most likely to say they usually-always orgasmed when sexually intimate (95%), followed by gay men (89%), bisexual men (88%), lesbian women (86%), bisexual women (66%), and heterosexual women (65%).[…] Women were more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter included deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.10 ... 017-0939-z

There probably needs to be more communication and a greater understanding of female pleasure/anatomy in hetero contexts.

I do not want to post more because we aren’t in the adult section. The point is that evidence demonstrates that there is an orgasm gap. There is lots of research on this topic. Obviously, individual experience will vary. To partially explain the disparity I cited yesterday, I’m saying that this gap could make SOME women less inclined to hop into bed with someone they aren’t emotionally invested in/don’t know well and more inclined to take care of their own sexual needs instead.


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blitzkrieg
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27 Feb 2024, 9:39 am

I thought everyone knew that there is an orgasm gap between men and women and that women are less likely to orgasm during sex?

That kind of thing has been put out in news media for decades. It is hard to miss unless you don't read the news.



TwilightPrincess
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27 Feb 2024, 9:44 am

According to the research that is behind the spoiler in my last post, the gap for lesbian women is much smaller.

95% for hetero men
86% for lesbian women
65% for hetero women

An interesting study that includes non-PIV activities and that highlights a difference in male and female perceptions when it cums to female orgasms:

Show Spoiler
Quote:
In 2009, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) asked 1,931 U.S. adults ages 18 to 59 about their most recent sexual experience. The topline findings show that men are more likely to orgasm than women — 91 percent of men said they climaxed during their last sexual encounter, compared with 64 percent of women.

But there seems to be a perception gap, too — at least among men. Eighty-five percent of men said their partners in that recent sexual encounter had reached climax, far higher than the percentage of women who said they orgasmed. That can’t simply be explained away by saying that the men were referring to different sexual partners. Most of these sexual encounters were heterosexual — 92 percent of men and 98 percent of women said their last sexual encounter was with someone of the opposite sex. So it seems like some of those men were wrong when they said their partners had orgasmed — either their egos are causing them to overestimate, or some of those women are faking it.

The survey also asked which sexual acts people had engaged in and whether they had experienced an orgasm during that encounter. It’s worth mentioning at this point that only people who reported a sexual experience in the previous 12 months were included in the survey — presumably because it might get tricky to accurately recall sexual encounters after a while, especially the forgettable ones.

For men, the results don’t vary much — they orgasmed around 90 percent of the time regardless of which sexual acts the encounter included. But for women, there were some big differences — 64 percent of women reported orgasms in encounters that included partnered masturbation (defined in the study as “masturbating with a partner, rubbing genitals together, dry sex, or humping”), while 81 percent orgasmed during encounters in which they received oral sex.
https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/th ... rgasm-gap/

Sex can still be enjoyable without orgasms. However, if it’s casual sex with someone you don’t know that well, it doesn’t seem like the emotional aspect of it would typically be as important as the physical one. Given this and the various risks that were previously stated, SOME might conclude that it wouldn’t be worth it.


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MaxE
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27 Feb 2024, 1:04 pm

Regarding the original topic, if the point is that women want to go on a lot of dates with somebody before having sex (the OP said physical intimacy I believe, which can cover a lot of things besides PIV), then I doubt the reason is they expect the sex to be bad. It will be just as bad after 12 dates as after 3.

As for whether women orgasm during heterosexual encounters, I would have a lot to say about that and it's fascinating, but also off-topic. Maybe this weekend I'll start a topic in the adult section.


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TwilightPrincess
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27 Feb 2024, 1:11 pm

MaxE wrote:
Regarding the original topic, if the point is that women want to go on a lot of dates with somebody before having sex (the OP said physical intimacy I believe, which can cover a lot of things besides PIV), then I doubt the reason is they expect the sex to be bad.
Maybe that’s because you’re not a woman. Also, some of the research I linked includes “things besides PIV.”

My point is that after more dates women have a better idea if a guy would be a good sex partner or not, especially if they are at the point where they are comfortable enough to have sexual conversations which can help determine compatibility.

I said this wasn’t the sole factor for the differences regarding when men and women choose to get intimate, but it’s probably one of them for some people. Thus, it factors in to the overall topic.

Vibrators are safer and almost always get the job done. Of course, they can’t provide mutual pleasure, emotional intimacy, or the other stuff that goes along with a fulfilling sexual relationship, but they can make rushing things with someone new seem unnecessary.


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nick007
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27 Feb 2024, 4:05 pm

There are some women who initiate sex on a first date or even when they are not in an official relationship with someone & it's not always due to the women enjoying sex or wanting to check sexual compatibility. My girlfriend's sister is like that. R does it because she feels like she should, she feels bad for the guys, or the guys do favors for her & give her money when R talks about being broke so R feels like she owes them even if the guys were not expecting sex. It is not a good dynamic for R because she tends to get used & hurt. Cass once suggested that R should try dating nice guys like me & R said~ "Nick's too safe" so we think R is attracted to the danger aspect.


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rse92
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27 Feb 2024, 4:12 pm

Sometimes sex just happens whenever.



TwilightPrincess
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27 Feb 2024, 4:15 pm

Yeah, it’s true that there are a lot of different preferences when it comes to sex which is why I’ve tried to use qualifiers like the word “some” when citing research. My goal was to highlight some reasons behind macro trends.


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nick007
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27 Feb 2024, 5:03 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Yeah, it’s true that there are a lot of different preferences when it comes to sex which is why I’ve tried to use qualifiers like the word “some” when citing research. My goal was to highlight some reasons behind macro trends.
I made things more complicated by mentioning a perspective in the other direction :wink: This thread is good for basic discussion but the poll doesn't work.


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TwilightPrincess
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27 Feb 2024, 5:11 pm

Polls on WP, apart from being fun, are basically meaningless because they are too small to say anything about the general population. I’m sure there are lots of women who would have sex on the first, second, or third date. I don’t think it’s prudent unless you were already friends with the person.


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