Help with finding friends, Love & Hope

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MiyaMarukutsune
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01 Mar 2024, 2:17 pm

Hello everyone, I am Derek, I have been on here before. I am now 38 years old & currently live with my father. I am returning here because I met a few helpful people before but fail to remember their names, that said, I am returning to simply tell my story and ask for help in this feeling of evergrowing darkness.

I am Derek, a guy who loves watching anime, playing video games, & going to louisiana rennasaunce festival, movies, hiking, camping, boat iding and trying to remain youthful and enjoy life the best I can, I am the guy who cries during beauty and the beast & hides under a blanket when watching resident evil, lol. I am a guy who tried to stay positive even in the darkest days, a guy who likes to be active and listen to mostly liquid mind, synthwave, kpop and anime soundtracks.

I am unable to work without losing my $1600 ssi, I have no transportation, no programs in my area, no friends or any kind, never been kissed, or even hugged by a girl.

Like cinderella my cercumstances in this case are more like the step sisters, my father has a girlfriend and does everything with her and leaves a lot with her while I stay behind to clean the poop after his 7 cats 1 of which i love.

I never really ever leave due to no transportation. I could call uber but i get too nervious when i do and usually mess something up.

When i used to live around people the more people i hung around the more i felt they were just being nice because they felt sorry for me.

The one thing I want most in life, isnt a nice car, house or million dollars, its a nice girlfriend who will accept me for me, who I can bond with & experiance the type of love that Bell felt after curing the beast of his curse. I want someone who can make me feel wanted, as if i'm noy just some musgroom is a field of grass but a member of that very grass itself.

Life is short, & now that my mother, whom I was closest passed, I am truly alone, & in a world with ever growing chaos, and a father whom is a political obsessed trump worshiper, I am not close to him.

I want my Bell, the girl whom I can love with a strength only seen in fairytales.

I have tried every dating site avalable and i mean that litteraly,

tinder
okcupid
match
meetme
bumble
coffe meets beigal
plenty of fish
zoosk

I could list about 50 more including but not limited to Hiki, but all have failed, all I've tried
I have tried meeting friends on ps5 but most leave due to reasons unknown to me, but in that end I still am left in my dark room alone looking into a screen like an astranaught looks out his helmet hoplessly at the spaceship after being accidently blasted off.

like Princess Leia would tell me, never lose hope, the minute we let hope go is the moment we truly fail, as long as there is hope, we have something to fight for, and with that I say, I am here ever trying once again, to find, that very shred of hope sparkling in the distance like a new born star,

So please, anyone, with a heavy heart and a pleading mind I humbly ask any whom can hear me, will you help me?
Will you hear me and if you do and aue unable to help, then I knell in appreciation just for the thought, that said I leave you all with this, thank you all to anyone who can hear my plea, and to those who do not, I hope that hope lays with you all, god be with us all.



utterly absurd
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01 Mar 2024, 10:26 pm

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm in a very similar situation and have had similar experiences. I wish I could offer you some advice but since I have had no success meeting friends either, I don't have any. All I can say is that for each person you meet who doesn't like you there are a hundred more people you haven't met yet. There are so many more people out there and some of them are going to be exactly the person you're looking for. Just because you haven't found the right person yet doesn't mean they're not out there -- you just have to keep looking. I know it's not much but this is what's inspired me to keep trying all these years and I hope it helps you, even just a little bit.


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Mikurotoro92
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01 Mar 2024, 11:21 pm

Go to a Day Program like I did

It is REALLY helping me find friends and love!! !


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DazyDaisy
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02 Mar 2024, 6:12 am

Hi Derek!

I think there are many of us here who feel more or less like you. But what seems like that is adding to your troubles is the fact that you (if I understood well) live in an isolated area, where nothing happens and that you need a car which you don't have to be able to reach anything that involves other people and things you can do or participate in. I guess your social security income is too small to help you leave your isolated circle.

My first thought was that you have to move to a less isolated place. You can look for roommates to share apartment with. Maybe you can look for them in your local autism associations?

As for finding a girl like Bell, you may be lucky to find one, but in a meantime try to understand that rarely everything in life is perfect and like in fairytale, we are not perfect, other people (and girls) as well, nobody can guarantee us that we won't be hurt, that we will be lucky to find people who will always be protective and loving all the time. People get into their own troubles that can make them snap at you or hurting you even when they didn't want to do that deliberately. I think only mother can love us that way and only if she was a good mother.

So, try to be less scared and give chance to some ordinary girls, girls that are within your reach. But first start solving problems one by one. Like finding ways to move out from that isolated circle you live in. Finding activities that involve other people..girls as well :) .


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MiyaMarukutsune
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20 Mar 2024, 11:03 pm

thanks to all you guys for all the help you gave me but ive decided to go ahead and end my life, and honestly it isnt wholey because i am unable to find friends, this time its mostly political, basically a lot of bad things happened to me under the last trump presidancy, and i cant live through another, and because i am too poor to leave the usa and survive, i am not to poor that i cant afford a single shot to my head, so i wanted to say that i hope no one else goes through what i have to go through, the level of isolation, fear and lonliness i feel, is unbarable and this is my choice, so this will be my last post. thanks to all who tried to help me but i dont want to live in the usa anymore and death is my only escape.



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21 Mar 2024, 2:31 am

That is a very extreme decision to make especially over politics. That SOB definitely isn't worth you giving up your life and we don't know yet if he will get back in yet. I'm sorry if you particularly suffered, you're not the only one though. Living with a supporter must be a extraordinary kind of hell, but maybe there are still some ways that can be found to cope- and set boundaries to deal with that.

I have similar circumstances to you and because of that I understand how depression and loneliness can be absolutely crippling. You just want to run away, just not be here. It's hard, it is so very hard. But if you end it there is no more option for anything. And you leave behind pain for others to carry.

I may not have a lot of room to talk, since I'm effectively waiting around for my own life to run out, but in the meantime I still able to find things I can take pleasure in. I believe you probably have some things like that still too. I believe you just need to build some strength in yourself and that is still possible for you to do. Sometimes we need to change, change our perspective, or learn some more before better things, or even just different things can come to us, but that can't happen if you completely give up. I hope you change your mind, I hope you realize that despite what has hurt, there is still worth in you and that you deserve to be here as much as anyone else.


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DazyDaisy
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21 Mar 2024, 9:52 am

^^^ I agree with everything said above.

And I am, too, really sorry for what are you going through, you need a help and instead of gun take a phone in your hands and make a call, now, to emergency or suicide help line.The mental state you are in is most probably treatable. And you have to be patient with the therapy to see which one works the best for you. Both medical and psychiaterapy which could help you to learn life coping skills and how to regulate your emotions, how to better function around people. If you need to be institutionalized for a while, accept it.

In your title you mentioned Hope, so there is a hope, don't give up.


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