Is it ''abnormal'' for a 25 or 30 year old to be a virgin ?

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chris1989
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04 Mar 2024, 10:17 am

I remember finding out that, I can't remember the statistic though, but a lot of people experience sex in their teens rather than for the first time in their 20s. I seem to think though that having a sex at a very young age is discouraged by society because of teen pregnancies, STIs and so on and isn't advisable for those reasons. Like other things I've mentioned, I feel that's another thing that I feel as though I've ''missed out'' on because I've not been in a long term relationship and one person I wanted a relationship with, didn't want to.

I also somehow does my head in when some elements of society, the media or popular culture portrays those people who still haven't had sex or not had sex by a certain age as ''strange'' or ''weird'' like in films such as the 40 year old virgin. I just seem to think well what happens to me then after I have had sex for the first time ? Is it going to somehow make me feel like I've ''got it over and done with'' or fill me with contentment and satisfied with life because I did it ?

The thing is I am well aware of the risks of the other person getting pregnant without protection, and of sexually transmitted diseases. It also worries me if I were to meet someone and then went home and had sex and then getting the news that the person I slept with got pregnant and speaking as someone who feels conflicted about having kids, I'm worried about the unprepardness of it and still not feeling ready to commit. I seem to think as though the men who have kids with a partner now, all did what society seems to expect young men to do in their late teens/early 20s to have had sex several times from encounters with people at a nightclub, a bar or something.

I seem to feel that's partly one of the reasons I get FOMO because I wasn't one of those guys who liked the club and bar scene. I know that sounds maybe a bit of a unfounded generalisation as I don't know what other people get up to in their own lives, but that's how it strangely feels to me.



Nades
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04 Mar 2024, 11:16 am

I would say it does get unusual after 30 but possibly as young as 25.

There are a lot of reasons as to why people remain older virgins. Previous bad experiences, religious, mental health problems, lack of opportunity or sometimes just being cowardly.

Once a virgin is at the age where their peers are settling down with kids, possibly years past the average age for then it might be a sign that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.



Mikurotoro92
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04 Mar 2024, 11:30 am

I am 31 and a virgin too!! !

I had the option for sex but I just wasn't ready at the time

Now I'm ready

There is a lack of opportunity though right now but hopefully that will change soon! :heart: :heart: :heart:


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Domisdraw
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04 Mar 2024, 12:36 pm

I'm not yet at the age of 25 tho I still feel like a late bird not having done it.

I would say covid definitely pushed most people 2 years further, but that's just a feeling I can't be sure.



DanielW
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04 Mar 2024, 12:41 pm

It can be perfectly normal. "Normal" is going to be something different for everyone. If you aren't having sex solely because of the risk of an unwanted pregnancy and or STI's, there are things YOU can do for yourself to reduce and or prevent those issues on your own behalf, you don't have to depend on your partner's to do that for you. Being pro-active about your own health can help remove a lot of the fear and anxiety you might be feeling around having sex.

And I think its wise of you to be thinking about the ramifications of having sex before something like a child happens. I've seen too many people (NT's and ND's alike) who can't support themselves properly let alone a child.



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04 Mar 2024, 1:12 pm

It's unusual but unusual doesn't always have to mean abnormal. I'm 49 and I haven't had sex and it doesn't really bother me, because sex isn't the first thing on my mind. I was emotionally hurt by my crush when I was in college 30 years ago in the Spring of 1994. I've decided to focus my energy on other things such as hobbies and interests.


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04 Mar 2024, 2:46 pm

I think too much emphasis is placed on virginity and “losing it.” I try to tune out a lot of that noise because, in my opinion, it’s toxic. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you find the right person. Most of the time, losing one’s virginity isn’t some life-changing event/rite of passage.


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blitzkrieg
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04 Mar 2024, 3:04 pm

For some people, losing their virginity can give them a big boost in confidence and possibly the motivation to seek out more sex, once they have a taste of it, so to speak.

For some other people it can be a disappointment and may feel like the experience was overhyped in general.



cyberdad
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04 Mar 2024, 3:24 pm

Nah, I was a virgin till 35. The only person who cares is you (yourself). Nobody else does.



auntblabby
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04 Mar 2024, 3:35 pm

I think the epithet "cowardly" is a terribly mean-spirited [and ultimately inappropriate] thing to say about virgins.



rse92
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04 Mar 2024, 3:52 pm

Nades wrote:
I would say it does get unusual after 30 but possibly as young as 25.

There are a lot of reasons as to why people remain older virgins. Previous bad experiences, religious, mental health problems, lack of opportunity or sometimes just being cowardly.

Once a virgin is at the age where their peers are settling down with kids, possibly years past the average age for then it might be a sign that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.


Wow. Wrong and cowardly. What a nasty response.



Nades
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04 Mar 2024, 3:59 pm

rse92 wrote:
Nades wrote:
I would say it does get unusual after 30 but possibly as young as 25.

There are a lot of reasons as to why people remain older virgins. Previous bad experiences, religious, mental health problems, lack of opportunity or sometimes just being cowardly.

Once a virgin is at the age where their peers are settling down with kids, possibly years past the average age for then it might be a sign that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.


Wow. Wrong and cowardly. What a nasty response.


Many reasons as to why as I mentioned in my post, but indeed being the type who just never challenges themselves and has developed a very poor ability to deal with new situations after years of avoiding any stressors is one of the many reasons. I've seen it once before.

If it's self inflicted then it's usually a personality trait that dominates many other areas of someone's life and it's hard to describe as anything else as brutal as the word is.

Like I said. Many reasons ranging from no reason to multiple.



auntblabby
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04 Mar 2024, 4:31 pm

the aforementioned epithet also evinces ableism. "timidity" is a better word, considering your audience here.



cyberdad
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04 Mar 2024, 4:48 pm

auntblabby wrote:
I think the epithet "cowardly" is a terribly mean-spirited [and ultimately inappropriate] thing to say about virgins.


Anyone who calls a virgin cowardly is ignorant. Being a virgin takes a lot of courage in light of temptation.



Nades
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04 Mar 2024, 4:52 pm

auntblabby wrote:
the aforementioned epithet also evinces ableism. "timidity" is a better word, considering your audience here.


Well yeah it's a change of word but that's it. I'm on about a hypothetical very extreme case that such an individual ought to have seen coming from a mile away and goes beyond simple anxiety, turning into a lack of personal responsibility given long enough.

It can apply to many things beside virginity so I don't see why virginity is somehow free from scrutiny.



auntblabby
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04 Mar 2024, 4:54 pm

"personal responsibility" is a common phrase associated at least stateside, with republican ableism. it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, and i'm far from the only one. there is no real "responsibility" to avoid being a virgin, as well as to being wealthy and all the other common right-wing talking points.



Last edited by auntblabby on 04 Mar 2024, 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.