Issues with relationships

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone,

For the course of my life I've pretty much had no close friends or relationships with other people. This really bothered me as a teenager and I remember being extremely upset with my seemingly inability to make friends with others despite the amount of (perceived) effort I was putting in. It was as if there was a layer of depth I was unable to reach with others and all my interactions stayed superficial and surface level.

I'm 22 now and I'm really socially isolated still, but as I get older and gain more self awareness, I'm not sure if blaming autism is a good excuse anymore, since it feels like this is more my fault now then anything else.

Just wanting to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Hello, welcome to WP! This is a problem many autistic people have. I've had similar difficulties over the years and still don't have any friends, and after a while I started feeling like it was my fault or there was something wrong with me. I joined WP about a month ago and since then I've realized how common of an issue this is. It doesn't make it any less frustrating but just remember it's not your fault. There are lots of places out there to meet people so don't give up!

The thing is I'm not even diagnosed, I've just suspected myself of being on the spectrum.

when you get older and reflect on your past experiences a bit more, you realize the mistakes you made or like something that you could've done different in that situation, and it was due to your bad way of thinking that got you that negative outcome.

It was not obvious at the time but I do think now that that misery was entirely self inflicted, but I didn't view it that way as a teenager.

what is keeping you from getting checked?

Everyone makes mistakes and it's easy to focus on what you could have done differently in the past. It's easier said than done and I struggle a lot with this, but worrying about things you can't change now won't get you anywhere, it's best to learn from your mistakes and then focus on what you can do differently in the future.
Again, it's easier said than done and it probably doesn't help you very much either, but it's important not to get discouraged by mistakes you made in the past. Keep trying and I hope things get better for you!

Lack of funds I guess.

you might find some use out of the various online tests.

the problem is that the mistakes just keep happening, life is so complex and there are so many minefields.

Yes I recognized this. Too many variables to account for.

this life is like waking up from a dream, being thrust naked upon a stage, handed a musical instrument one never saw before and then handed sheet music one has never seen before, and asked to play perfectly in front of a crowd of thousands.

I like this philosophical post, AB.

glad to be of service, brother

Yes. And there are some who are astute at faking it and they get praised and embraced, even though it's really just a ruse they are perpetrating, and then those of us who only know how to be earnest will just say, sorry can't do it, and occasionally that actually works, and people embrace the honesty, but many times it just leads to opprobrium. But either way, we muddle on, we have to.

So what happens now? Do I just continue trying? I don't know how to proceed with this.

I think that starting is the hardest part. If you are able to make yourself a part of a community, then interactions will become smoother and the people you get along with the best will be the ones you gravitate toward and who will also feel some connection to you.

In the past, I have joined ready-made communities by joining volunteer groups and activist groups. (I worked with Food Not Bombs, Peace Action, and the local Unitarian Church). I didn't always make actual friends but over time there were people I knew well, to talk to. I think being part of an existing social circle makes it possible to find someone you can connect with.

As far as interacting I would emphasize being helpful and kind, even when it seems awkward to do so. It's better to go overboard with thoughtfulness and kindness when in doubt.