What's wrong with doing things later ?

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chris1989
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11 Mar 2024, 9:51 pm

There are things I feel glad that I've done and achieved such as having long-term job and a driving a car but I did all these things at a later time than what is ''expected'' by society or whatever. I got my first paid job at 26, even I did do voluntary work at 21 for a year until I started uni. I started uni at 22 when I seem to think that those at that age would be graduating. My dad got me doing manual driving lessons at 21, which were hard and quite anxiety provoking until they were stopped and then I was given automatic driving lessons at 24 which I did until I passed my test at 28, which I seem to think is ''quite late'' for someone passing their driving test and getting their first car.

The thing is does it really always matter if you ''have'' to pass your driving test at 17 and get your first job maybe at that age. So what if people do it later. I don't know why but I seem to think I became less and less anxious as time went whilst having driving lessons and I matured and was able to calm myself during those lessons. I seem to think isn't it maybe better to do something like that when you are more mature in doing these things ?



blitzkrieg
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11 Mar 2024, 10:19 pm

Everyone reaches their life milestones at different times. Sure, some people may align with the norm', but not everyone does everything 'on time' and especially if you have a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism.

Some autistic folk never learn to drive, or learn to drive and then cannot drive regularly due to anxiety issues etc.

Some autistic people graduate, some don't etc.

You sound like you need to relax a little and be happy with the achievements that you have already.



bee33
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11 Mar 2024, 10:31 pm

It does not matter when you do things and it's not helpful to compare yourself to other people or to some (usually arbitrary) notion of what is usual or normal. You do what works for you. That's all that any of us can do.



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11 Mar 2024, 11:13 pm

chris1989 wrote:
What's wrong with doing things later?
You will have to wait for the answer.


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Edna3362
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11 Mar 2024, 11:37 pm

It's not that it's wrong.

More like people perceived those achievements expected as at certain age, and when done at an earlier age mattered more.

Not to mention on how time is being used, how speed is valued and how both are commodified.

'What did you waste your time for in order to achieve XYZ?'

Doesn't matter if you spent your time on your processing grieving, delays in development, or any crisis from any dysregulation really that look like you're doing "nothing" or "can't".

It is still perceived and categorized under 'laziness', 'irresponsibility', 'lacking power', 'a waste', 'cowardice', 'squandering', 'no sense or urgency'.


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CockneyRebel
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11 Mar 2024, 11:42 pm

I think you should find someone to talk to about all this. I don't see anything with doing things at a later age or not at all.


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ToughDiamond
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12 Mar 2024, 12:46 am

Nothing wrong with it as long as you don't fall foul of prejudiced, hostile people who decide there's something the matter with you and therefore refuse to take you seriously when you need their co-operation. It's a shame it's so hard to effectively lie about one's age - that might help to fix it.

I was always impressed that the Steiner schools have this attitude that kids shouldn't be pushed into learning this or that until they're ready. But a lot of the parents tend to panic when the school seems to be letting their kid "fall behind."

After a year or two at my secondary school, they decided that the lowest-performing half of our year would be "kept down," i.e. taught work that was a year behind the stuff the taught the higher flyers. I was part of the kept-down group. One teacher asked us how we felt about it, and most of us said we didn't like it. He said that we didn't realise what a good thing it was. I think he was right. It made things easier for us, and the only difference it made in the long term was that we had to stay at school for an extra year, and that we were a year older when we got to leave. It was one of those prestige schools that prided itself on getting the kids through their final exams quicker than ordinary schools could, but they'd recently started to be a bit more realistic because they'd recently started taking in working-class kids like me for the first time, and we didn't have the family support or money that the little toffs had, so we were a bit slower. It's hard when your dad can't help you with your homework because he doesn't understand it.

I think society (or maybe it's just the ruling elite) has too much of a sense of urgency for progress. Everybody's expected to push themselves to the max all the time. Imagine the reaction if you went for a job interview with a gap in your CV for the previous year, and when they asked you what you'd been doing, you answered "Nothing much, I just felt like having a break from the rat race for a while." Wrong answer, but it shouldn't be.



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12 Mar 2024, 1:46 pm

Just be diligent in setting aside enough for retirement...at a comfortable age.


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AnanstrixG
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13 Mar 2024, 7:12 am

There is nothing wrong with doing things on one's own schedule. People in general like to look down on anything different or odd. I took a while for a lot of things in my life. I didn't have my first real relationship until my 40s. I'm married now almost 10 years (not saying it is easy). And people actually have the nerve to be envious of me, because despite dating for years they still aren't in a relationship. I lucked out meeting the person I want to live with forever. But I also didn't waste my time doing what society told me to, or by following the time schedule of when to do it.

Anyway. Take pride in what your achievements are and things will go easier. Comparisons aren't healthy.


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