Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

Jason Thayer
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 5 Mar 2021
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 205
Location: Louisiana, USA

19 Mar 2024, 6:48 am

My mom almost never lets me complain about stuff! She doesn't understand that I NEED to complain! If I don't vent, I can't calm down properly! I just had almond milk that was all watery because they sealed the cap too tightly and of course the carton doesn't pour properly. My morning was ruined and of course mom doesn't get it!


_________________
"Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. We don't get to be normal." --Harley Quinn, "Suicide Squad"


ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,672
Location: Long Island, New York

19 Mar 2024, 1:34 pm

Sorry about that.

Venting and complaining is what this thread is for.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

23 Mar 2024, 11:34 am

Jason Thayer wrote:
My mom almost never lets me complain about stuff! She doesn't understand that I NEED to complain! If I don't vent, I can't calm down properly! I just had almond milk that was all watery because they sealed the cap too tightly and of course the carton doesn't pour properly. My morning was ruined and of course mom doesn't get it!


OTOH, people on the spectrum don't get a wide variety of social things at any given moment. One of them is that others don't like to listen to complaining, especially about things that Most people deem to be "small," and "not a big deal."

I guarantee that her perception is that complaining about almond milk being watery because a cap was sealed too tightly is something that she would consider insignificant and not worth complaining about At All, especially not to the level that it ruins someone's entire morning.. and that if it warranted complaint it should maybe be a 2/10 annoyance, not a 12/10 ruined an entire morning sort of thing.

Seems you'll have to find some sort of balance between your level of aggravation by almond milk consistency and your mothers' unwillingness to listen to complaints about it. If you need to vent verbally, perhaps do it in a room she's not in and is unlikely to hear. Otherwise maybe choose a thread to vent in like ASPartOfMe posted above.. because she's never going to "Get," it and be on the same wavelength as you, so you'll have to find a way to deal with your frustrations that don't involve irritating her, ideally.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


DanielW
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2019
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,873
Location: PNW USA

23 Mar 2024, 11:44 am

Jason Thayer wrote:
My mom almost never lets me complain about stuff! She doesn't understand that I NEED to complain! If I don't vent, I can't calm down properly! I just had almond milk that was all watery because they sealed the cap too tightly and of course the carton doesn't pour properly. My morning was ruined and of course mom doesn't get it!


Just because you need to vent, doesn't mean you have the right to force anyone to listen to it. You can find other ways to vent. You can vent here, if you need to vent out loud, you could find a private place and vocalize it.



jamie0.0
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 29 Sep 2023
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 359
Location: melbourne, australia

23 Mar 2024, 8:48 pm

I used to have the same problem.

Need to vent, but no one wants to listen.

When I did vent to someone it usually ended up in an argument of some sort

I highly recommend keeping a journal. It feels really good to put these feelings on paper (or computer if that's your preference)

Lately, I've Been experimenting with Google gemeni (an ai chat program, free for basic use)

I start by telling it I don't want advice, but need to place to vent. So far the results have been good, it has a sympathetic response. That sounds human like.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,300

23 Mar 2024, 10:00 pm

@OP
As an often burned out parent, the last thing I want to hear is my kid complaining.
I am not saying the complaints aren't legit, but I get your mom's initial reaction.



utterly absurd
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Feb 2024
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Posts: 593
Location: Wisconsin

23 Mar 2024, 10:33 pm

I am fortunate enough to have a mother who is willing to listen to me vent. She's always very nice about it.
No one else will let me do this, however.
I'm always calling her because no one else listens and venting to a wall just isn't the same.
If you don't have someone who will let you do this, I'd say keep a journal (I gave my journal a name so it feels like I'm talking to a person) or post on WP complaining threads. Maybe write an email to yourself and be your own listener. Pets are also good listeners.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD/ADHD age 5. Finally understood that age 17.
Have very strong opinions so sorry if I offend anyone--I still respect your opinion.
He/him (or anything, I don't really care)
Feel free to PM me--I like to talk about most things other than sports.


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

24 Mar 2024, 3:38 am

My mother and I go through cycles of listening to each other then cutting each other off and just saying I don’t want to hear it stop talking. :lol:

jamie0.0 wrote:
I used to have the same problem.

Need to vent, but no one wants to listen.

When I did vent to someone it usually ended up in an argument of some sort

I highly recommend keeping a journal. It feels really good to put these feelings on paper (or computer if that's your preference)

Lately, I've Been experimenting with Google gemeni (an ai chat program, free for basic use)

I start by telling it I don't want advice, but need to place to vent. So far the results have been good, it has a sympathetic response. That sounds human like.


That actually sounds like a practical use of ai as a sort of therapy bot. Interesting. Might not be for Me, but I bet it’d be useful to a Lot of people. Interesting indeed.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,327

25 Mar 2024, 3:33 am

My son and I are both AS, and we often annoy each other. Fortunately, he now has a long-distance girlfriend to monologue to.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,681
Location: Stalag 13

25 Mar 2024, 11:26 am

I've learned at a very early age that it's not a good idea to vent at my family members.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


Comet Zed
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2023
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 871
Location: Yugambeh Country

26 Mar 2024, 5:16 am

In my experience venting only amplifies whatever I'm feeling and puts people off. I've had more luck identifying the emotion I'm struggling with and telling people calmly why that is and what I need. Takes some effort and practice though. I had to learn how to do this.


_________________
uh-huh wooo yeah


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,005
Location: Adelaide, Australia

29 Mar 2024, 7:08 pm

Jason Thayer wrote:
My mom almost never lets me complain about stuff! She doesn't understand that I NEED to complain! If I don't vent, I can't calm down properly! I just had almond milk that was all watery because they sealed the cap too tightly and of course the carton doesn't pour properly. My morning was ruined and of course mom doesn't get it!


I know how you feel about the need to complain about stuff. King Gama is my spirit animal.



_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


y-pod
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,654
Location: Canada

04 Apr 2024, 5:20 am

I vent to whoever is around or online or through text or social media (except my mom). I don't expect people to understand. It really doesn't matter if they care or not because I'd be fine after a few hours anyway. :D I do admit venting to a real person feels good. Especially that person hugs you tightly.

Do you keep a journal? That's a good habit. If you want a cure (for complaining), I'll send you to live with my mom for a month, ha ha. :D


_________________
AQ score: 44
Aspie mom to two autistic sons (21 & 20 )