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JM379
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Joined: 20 Mar 2024
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Location: Northern Ireland

20 Mar 2024, 4:15 pm

I'm a 31 yo married autistic woman married to an autistic guy and our 3 kids are on the spectrum. So much of what you read online is about marriages between an autistic man and NT woman. There's little to none were both partners are autistic or the woman is the autistic one.

Curious to know if anyone else is in the same boat and what are some of the biggest challenges and some of the best pieces of advice you have?



ChicagoLiz
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21 Mar 2024, 2:02 pm

I wish I knew. I came to the realization many years ago that being an autistic woman made being in a relationship probably not feasible, and stopped looking. If there are successful ways to do it, I'd love to know too.


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nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
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22 Mar 2024, 5:12 pm

Me & my girlfriend are both on the spectrum. Well there's a chance Cass isn't but she has lots of overlapping issues & one of her brothers has been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was very little. Me & Cass both have lots of various issues besides autism so it's kinda hard to tell what's autism & what's not. Our personalities within a relationship are kinda opposite of the stereotypical Aspie. We're both very affectionate & kinda clingy with each other & love spending lots of time together. Whereas typical Aspies want more space & independence. My previous girlfriend was also autistic but she was more like a typical Aspie & she broke up with me after about half a year. Whereas me & Cass have been living together for over 11 years now. I think one of they key reasons why our relationship is working is that we both realize that any relationship we'd be in would have lots of various problems & neither of us were expecting to have a perfect relationship. We've had lots of various arguments & fights but we always both feel like total cr@p afterwards for upsetting each other. We try to work on ourselves in various ways as well as trying to be supportive of each other. We fight a lot less than we used to. We both know lots of things are not worth arguing about & it's usually better for us to just give in after a bit because most things are not worth bickering about. We're both very difficult people to live with compared to NTs & we've had lots of adjusting to do but we both think the other is easier to live with than most anyone else would be. The NT rules & standards do not apply to our relationship. We like feeling accepted, understood, & like we fit in & belong. Whereas with NTs we feel like we can never measure up.


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autisticelders
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31 Mar 2024, 8:37 am

autistic married to autistic for over 40 years.
It works because we both need a lot of alone time and can respect that in each other. we both love to read,and read up to a book a day, but about profoundly different subjects.
we both had really "odd" hobbies when we met, he is into historical wargaming using a game table, I was remaking model horses, making their tack , and showing them (model horse hobby, look it up if you never heard of it). Both hobbies were similar uses of creativity and information, although over vastly different subjects.

we both love music and like the same sounds/ so our lives have been filled with music as well.

We have similar political viewpoints and beliefs.

I could never have designed a better partner and count myself very lucky to have found him.
Drawbacks have been his PDA and his rigidity and need for control. But I was raised to be compliant and his organization and control complimented and helped my scattered, random, disorganized, and impulsive behaviors.

He gives me boundaries and structure, I help him find random fun and laughter.

He has a kind heart and he has never abused me or tried to control me.

We raised 2 autistic kids (did not know it at the time) and I did not get my own diagnosis until I was 68.

I only came to understand his autism when I began to understand mine. He rigidly refuses to even consider he is autistic too, but ALL the signs are there. <3
<3 Its a wonderful world. <3


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