I also seem to feel bad or its my ''fault'' because I wasn't friends with people from school, college and so and had a large friend network to go out and socialise with in our own leisure time because I used to see all the photos of people from school and so on at bars, clubs, on holidays etc and I feel like I've ''wasted'' the last 10 or more years not doing that because some of those things were not what I wanted to do and now those people are getting married, having kids etc. I was always aspiring to interact with other people in the mainstream of school, college etc who were ''neurotypical'' but I did also try with those who were mildly autistic like me and able to socialise but I struggled to start a conversation, begin and maintain a close friendship and go out with them.