Doesn't Anybody F**k Any More? — Reddit edition

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babybird
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31 Mar 2024, 3:13 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

babybird wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

babybird wrote:

An extreme case but when I was about 16 or maybe even younger. I went out with a group of men (a lot older than me) because I knew that I would get a free night out. I'd get a meal and drinks and drugs and whatever. I also knew that they wanted sex with me. I still went along even though I didn't want the sex part but I wanted the rest but I didn't tell them that I didn't want the sex part because if I did I knew I wouldn't get a good night out.

So during the meal one of them gave me a load of drugs and sent me into the bogs to take them and to make a spliff.

I did go to the bathroom but then I u turned and made a very hasty exit out of the door (with a pocket full of goodies) while all these men were laughing and joking and having a good time.

Now, if I hadn't done that and this group of men had have had their way with me would I have had any rights to complain about that to anyone. I don't think I would have because I went into this situation knowing what I was getting into and really giving consent to that just so that I could get what I wanted.

But I'm thinking that some women might have tried to get them into trouble and I think that that is where men are terrified of women and so that maybe where the interaction between men and women in these types of social setting is sadly dwindling. I've seen women leading men on to get what they want and then behaving like victims when the man hasn't understood he's being taken for a ride.

Just my experience there

Imagine, guys acting like creeps and being worried they might get in trouble for it. :lol:

Yeah but what I'm saying is that I was fully aware what they were doing and I was aware of my plan. I think sometimes women are treated like they're stupid and I think that some women like to play up to this and when it all goes tit's up for them it's too easy to blame it on the guy.

It's 50/50 in my experience

In my experience, women do not normally want to get a guy in trouble for no reason, not that it doesn’t happen on rare occasions.

Especially if they were aware of your age, they would’ve deserved any punishment the law would’ve doled out.

The “boys will be boys” notion is far too prevalent in our society, and it’s harmful to women AND men.

I think I was 16. Perfectly legal in UK.

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TwilightPrincess
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31 Mar 2024, 3:15 pm

I don’t think it should be.

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funeralxempire
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31 Mar 2024, 3:15 pm

babybird wrote:

Who broke the contract.

What contract? Even if you and them wrote up a contract and signed it, the terms would be unenforceable.

Worst case scenario, you'd owe them a refund; you could not under any circumstance be obliged to f**k them.

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DuckHairback
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31 Mar 2024, 3:20 pm

babybird wrote:

I'm not saying all men are innocent but by the same toke women are by no means innocent in this decline of male/female interaction in the real world.

I'd agree with this part. But i'd say it was always the case.

I'd also say that people exploit each other and sometimes people allow themselves to be exploited because they're getting something out of it too. I've done that.

But part of living, and growing older and wiser, is learning to spot people who are exploiting you.

If you never try, you never learn. Telling men to be scared isn't the answer.

And also I think it's human nature to weight your personal experiences as more representative of the norm than may be the case. I think we're maybe all guilty of that in this thread.

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DuckHairback
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31 Mar 2024, 3:25 pm

babybird wrote:

I think I was 16. Perfectly legal in UK.

But only with your consent. Which you have the legal (and I would argue moral) right to withdraw at any time and for any reason. Including "I don't want to."

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babybird
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31 Mar 2024, 3:25 pm

I do get. You're not guaranteed a f**k even if you're promised one all night long and the woman is perfectly within her rights to just take what ever she wants from you and then she can just walk away, demonise you and make you look like a creep to all her friends and yours even if you've done nothing at all wrong.

It's a bit of a bummer that imo

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TwilightPrincess
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31 Mar 2024, 3:27 pm

Teenagers aren’t known for making good decisions because their prefrontal cortex is still developing. Mature adults exploit that sometimes.

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babybird
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31 Mar 2024, 3:28 pm

DuckHairback wrote:

babybird wrote:

I think I was 16. Perfectly legal in UK.

But only with your consent. Which you have the legal (and I would argue moral) right to withdraw at any time and for any reason. Including "I don't want to."

I did withdraw which was always my intention.

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DuckHairback
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31 Mar 2024, 3:32 pm

^^^It is a bummer. When it happens.

The point is that some men are saying this now happens so frequently that it's not worth risking it.

Which is when my BS detectors start flashing red.

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Last edited by DuckHairback on 31 Mar 2024, 3:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

babybird
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31 Mar 2024, 3:32 pm

Yeah I think there's a lot of fear mongering goes on. Especially on social media.

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bee33
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31 Mar 2024, 3:34 pm

The original post was not about women being sexually coerced or abused, which is of course horrific. It was about young people appearing to be more reluctant than in the past to try to initiate a flirtation or show interest in someone that might be romantic or sexual. I think that's a real thing that is happening with the current generation of young adults, and may also have an influence in how older people interact when seeking out a romantic or sexual partner. The speculation here has been that this is happening because men are more worried about being labeled an aggressor and that possibly women are more likely to label a man an aggressor, rightly or wrongly. I don't know whether that speculative theory is correct or not. But I do think that the original observation is accurate.

babybird
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31 Mar 2024, 3:38 pm

Yeah me too

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funeralxempire
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31 Mar 2024, 3:47 pm

babybird wrote:

Lol, those guys did something wrong. They bargained for sex with a teenager. Even if it's fully legal, as a grown-ass adult you've gotta assume you're getting conned somehow. How many teenagers would make that deal with serious intentions of following through?

Even if you dismiss any age related concerns, it's still bargaining for sex with a vulnerable adult. You make it sound like they took a teenager with developmental issues into a situation where she'd be at their mercy and highly intoxicated because she needed a meal.

You being 16 instead of 18 or 20 isn't actually high on my list of problems with that situation.

The fact that it comes off like you needed food and the huge power disparity you agreed to is what makes it really worrying to me. Getting conned is a risk, but if you don't, you've got to see the implications of what you're being part of. Doesn't matter how old that person is, clearly something is impairing their judgment (hunger, addiction, ulterior motives, etc). Either you're about to be a monster or it's a trap and they are.

They took a morally questionable (to put it mildly) gamble with their disposable income and it didn't go as planned.
I don't have any sympathy for them. They got lucky, as far as outcomes go.

babybird
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31 Mar 2024, 3:53 pm

Thank you for your concern...and I mean that

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funeralxempire
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31 Mar 2024, 4:04 pm

babybird wrote:

Thank you for your concern...and I mean that

You're welcome.

I think power imbalance is a huge factor when considering consent, not just limited to this context. Power imbalance is how people get others to agree to disagreeable terms while defending those terms as fair because 'oh, well they agreed so it must be okay'.

Taking advantage of desperation shouldn't be normal.

blitzkrieg
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31 Mar 2024, 4:12 pm

babybird wrote:

So I went on a night out and was fully aware of what was going to happen and I had agreed to it all but all I wanted was to get money, drugs, food and drinks and then to do a runner.

Who broke the contract.

I know what you're saying but reality doesn't always play out like that. Things happen.

I've seen it so many times. Friends of mine who were sex workers who take the money and have their boyfriends hiding round the corner to beat the man up.

Women who just take what they want and then absolutely demonise the man who they've just absolutely rinsed when the guy hasn't even touched them

This happens frequently.

I think men are at an absolute disadvantage when it comes to hooking up in pubs and clubs. And it is down to fear of being accused of things they haven't even done.

I'm not saying all men are innocent but by the same toke women are by no means innocent in this decline of male/female interaction in the real world.

This is a very insightful post. Thank you for posting, BB!

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