Why Do Conservative Men lnsist On Making Themselves Unlovabl

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My state appears to be quite different than yours in this respect although it may have been different in the past. In order for a parent to get sole custody, there has to be explicit reasons for it. The law in PA requires mothers and fathers be treated equally. Neither parent has an automatic advantage because of their sex.  I’m not saying the court system is perfect though. Judges aren’t without their biases, but people can appeal if they’ve been treated unfairly.

Joint custody / 50-50 is not an ideal fantasy for the child who will have no permanent home, no permanent address, and be shuttled back and forth like a nomadic tennis ball between two different homes, two beds, two routines, and two sets of parenting styles, often for several years. I don't see how that could be deemed ideal for anyone, including the parents who would need to communicate and cooperate on every decision despite the fact they're divorcing, but especially for autistic kids who require consistency. It causes extreme hardship on children especially in their formative years when they could develop insecure attachment styles with either parent.

Lets not forget these kids also have daycare providers, in most cases. Sometimes the parents have two different providers. The baby or child's amount of time in one stable environment or home becomes fractured.

Only in extremely rare circumstances does this work best for child development.

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 10 Apr 2024, 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It’s really hard to find the ideal solution because every situation is drastically different. What would be right for some kids/families wouldn’t be right for others.

Exactly. I don't know what the ideal solution is. Most solutions pose hardship on someone, whether it's the child, the parent with primary custody, or the other parent. There are no easy solutions but 50-50 is seldom one of them. Can you imagine if you had to pack your bags and switch homes every 3.5 days, or if you never knew where you were going to be on a date in the future without counting squares on a calendar? I'd go stark mad.

It depends.

If my choices were to be with a bad parent (or one I wasn’t particularly attached to) full-time or part-time, I’d prefer part-time. It’s tricky. Usually, kids are more attached to one parent or the other. That’s generally the most important thing in my opinion, not that kids always know what’s best. A parent could seem like the ideal parent to get primary custody on paper without being ideal.

It’s a huge, multi-faceted topic.

Speaking from personal experience, my kids were always in a state of anxiety because they knew they'd have to transition. They'd arrive at one home, and not be able to get used to the bed, get used to the routines, or calm down from the switch, because they'd already be thinking about switching back again. I had to stop nursing my baby girl quite abruptly because a judge said she had to do 50-50 with 3.5 days at each house, starting that day. I was still on maternity leave and had been with her 24/7 until that hearing. Her dad worked all day and put her in daycare during his time. The court psychologist said she was bonded to me and it would harm her emotionally, even that her father posed harm, but it was required by law that they do 50-50 because of "fathers' rights". As they got older they were subjected to social worker visits in their schools, and they were assigned their own lawyers as youngsters so they could get out of the 50-50 arrangement. Then they had to testify against their own dad. It was insane and very unhealthy.

Anyway I don't want to get into my life story because court was so traumatic so for us all. I just wanted to say that custody matters are extremely hard on kids, and I feel for any family that has to deal with family law.