Boyfriend's parents,do not like me

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AshleyD
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02 Apr 2024, 8:36 am

Boyfriend's parents do not like me at all.It is putting a toll on us and we met in January.I walked out when I first met them,his dad called me a freak and his mom gave me the dirtiest look.He likes older women,I am 45 and he just turned 29.Also I am a pre op mtf transsexual,he is into transgender women.They think he is gay and is not,he sees me a woman.Boyfriend knows I have aspergers,this was before I came out as transgender at age 15.Good thing is his older brother is on our side and sees him happy.His brother is trying to get it through to them we are happy together and stop the hatred of me.I am a good person and I like younger guys,they listen better



Summer_Twilight
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02 Apr 2024, 8:45 am

Calling you a freak is not acceptable and I am sorry they treat you like that. However, they are not likely to change their minds about you. It sounds like the best thing to do is probably staying away from them because they the situation is going to be toxic.



AshleyD
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02 Apr 2024, 9:22 am

Boyfriend says I changed his life around since we met.His brother,he has been talking to them at times about it and they are coming around slowly about it.I am giving them time and space to think about it.



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02 Apr 2024, 9:27 am

AshleyD wrote:
Boyfriend says I changed his life around since we met.His brother,he has been talking to them at times about it and they are coming around slowly about it.I am giving them time and space to think about it.


That's probably the best approach. Nothing good will come from antagonizing them, whether intentional or not.


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02 Apr 2024, 9:48 am

It sounds like you are approaching this well.

It is a shame, though. Often we can't really control what what we think or believe in. But we can control how we treat others. I'm sorry about these parents. Our oldest is dating, and while my partner and I haven't been the biggest fans of all of her boyfriends, we do like seeing her happy. Isn't that a wild thought?


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02 Apr 2024, 10:07 am

Older folks are often very conservative in their outlooks, as they grew up at a time when issues such as transgenderism or even age differences were seldom seen and not discussed. People weren't exposed to any variation from the "norm" aka a man and a woman in "little boxes" and believed that anyone who was or thought otherwise must be one in a million. TV shows and movies have helped to make these topics more acceptable and enabled people to see that people are not freaks and also that love knows no boundaries.

I am sure that between the two of you and his supportive brother you'll be able to show over time that you're a kind and decent human who truly loves their son and wants him to be happy. It may be a long road but even if they refuse to walk it with you, be understanding and hopefully they will too.


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Nades
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02 Apr 2024, 10:08 am

funeralxempire wrote:
AshleyD wrote:
Boyfriend says I changed his life around since we met.His brother,he has been talking to them at times about it and they are coming around slowly about it.I am giving them time and space to think about it.


That's probably the best approach. Nothing good will come from antagonizing them, whether intentional or not.


The brother seems like the only reasonable avenue to swaying them. I would let him gradually work on the parents until they're at least less crazy.



funeralxempire
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02 Apr 2024, 10:19 am

Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
AshleyD wrote:
Boyfriend says I changed his life around since we met.His brother,he has been talking to them at times about it and they are coming around slowly about it.I am giving them time and space to think about it.


That's probably the best approach. Nothing good will come from antagonizing them, whether intentional or not.


The brother seems like the only reasonable avenue to swaying them. I would let him gradually work on the parents until they're at least less crazy.


Agreed. The brother and the bf need to work on the parents, but not too aggressively.


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02 Apr 2024, 10:30 am

That age gap is super sus… I’m close to his age and would never date someone as old as you


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AshleyD
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02 Apr 2024, 10:33 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Nades wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
AshleyD wrote:
Boyfriend says I changed his life around since we met.His brother,he has been talking to them at times about it and they are coming around slowly about it.I am giving them time and space to think about it.


That's probably the best approach. Nothing good will come from antagonizing them, whether intentional or not.


The brother seems like the only reasonable avenue to swaying them. I would let him gradually work on the parents until they're at least less crazy.


Agreed. The brother and the bf need to work on the parents, but not too aggressively.

This is happening.Plans are with him moving in with me within 5 months and this is on hold for now



nick007
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02 Apr 2024, 10:38 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Calling you a freak is not acceptable and I am sorry they treat you like that. However, they are not likely to change their minds about you. It sounds like the best thing to do is probably staying away from them because they the situation is going to be toxic.
I was gonna say something similar. I would not focus on trying to change their minds & instead focus on keeping some distance from them & having some boundaries like the OP will not go with him to visit & she will not allow them to come to her place. Hopefully the parents are not putting the boyfriend in a position of being forced to chose between dumping her or being kicked out the family. He may need to try setting some boundaries with his parents as well if they are upsetting him a lot. I know the idea of relationship partners becoming part of each other's families seems very romantic but in reality there are quite a bit of couples who kinda need to be estranged from their parents & other family members. If my parents put me in that kinda position with my girlfriend I woulda planed to never visit nor call them again.


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Summer_Twilight
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02 Apr 2024, 10:50 am

AshleyD wrote:
Boyfriend says I changed his life around since we met.His brother,he has been talking to them at times about it and they are coming around slowly about it.I am giving them time and space to think about it.



Good.