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Kitsune21
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03 Apr 2024, 4:38 pm

The issue is not even that I don't click with anyone. I try to make friends everywhere, talk to everyone, but everyone just tells me we do not click or that they do not vibe with me. And by everyone I mean literally EVERYONE. I had the same thing in elementary school, middle school, high school and even now in college. I talked to thousands of different people in my life and EVERYBODY either said we do not click or did not give any effort back (as in, did not start conversations with me, did not consider me their friend). What this resulted in is having basically zero friends all my life.
It truly sucks because I wish I could have fun in life with friends. It is so unfair that others have their amazing friend groups they can travel or party with meanwhile for me it is like I am destined to be alone forever. I did have small hope that it might be bc of my social skills but I found a super discouraging thread on another forums where people said "I have bad social skills but still lots of friends because I am easy to vibe with" or "you can have nice conversations but there will never be a friendship if you don't vibe" and it hurt me on the inside because it basically confirms my thoughts about me being destined to be with nobody.

And nope, there are no clubs or meetups in my town. I checked



DanielW
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03 Apr 2024, 4:47 pm

Since there are no clubs or meetups near you, you might consider starting one. You might stand a better chance at meeting people if you start one based on something your are interested in or passionate about.



Kitsune21
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03 Apr 2024, 4:51 pm

DanielW wrote:
Since there are no clubs or meetups near you, you might consider starting one. You might stand a better chance at meeting people if you start one based on something your are interested in or passionate about.

Yeah but nobody will vibe with me anyways. Even when I meet people with the same interests as me, they always end up being just acquaintances



DanielW
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03 Apr 2024, 5:16 pm

My point was you might find people you you would vibe with if you started something they are also enthusiastic about the same things you are. You would at least stand a better chance if you have something(s) in common.



j_k
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03 Apr 2024, 5:34 pm

Not for nothing.... but are those other people having that much fun? I get the fear of missing out, really, one regret I have is trying to get what your talking about.... it really messed up how I presented myself to others for a time, but when I got to hang out with these people, I was still not happy (if you want you can IM me for details).

I think you should take a few steps back and focus on what interests you and work forward from there, as Daniel says.


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Summer_Twilight
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04 Apr 2024, 10:32 am

Here are a few other things to consider

1. Depending on the setting, some options might not be appropriate based on that setting

Examples: Roommates, colleagues

2. Having things in common -
Examples: Other people who are on the spectrum, interests



Tim_Tex
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04 Apr 2024, 10:42 am

Kitsune21 wrote:
The issue is not even that I don't click with anyone. I try to make friends everywhere, talk to everyone, but everyone just tells me we do not click or that they do not vibe with me. And by everyone I mean literally EVERYONE. I had the same thing in elementary school, middle school, high school and even now in college. I talked to thousands of different people in my life and EVERYBODY either said we do not click or did not give any effort back (as in, did not start conversations with me, did not consider me their friend). What this resulted in is having basically zero friends all my life.
It truly sucks because I wish I could have fun in life with friends. It is so unfair that others have their amazing friend groups they can travel or party with meanwhile for me it is like I am destined to be alone forever. I did have small hope that it might be bc of my social skills but I found a super discouraging thread on another forums where people said "I have bad social skills but still lots of friends because I am easy to vibe with" or "you can have nice conversations but there will never be a friendship if you don't vibe" and it hurt me on the inside because it basically confirms my thoughts about me being destined to be with nobody.

And nope, there are no clubs or meetups in my town. I checked


I am in the exact same boat as you. I have even considered literally relocating across the country to find people with the same interests.


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goldfish21
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04 Apr 2024, 12:19 pm

In a word.. "Autism." That's why.


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04 Apr 2024, 9:28 pm

It's much easier said than done but if there aren't any clubs, you can always start one, whether it's interest-related or autism-related.
I was considering starting a club for ND students at my college until someone else did instead. The point: there are other people out there in the same situation.


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Summer_Twilight
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05 Apr 2024, 8:07 am

If not starting a club, you could also arrange for there to be a meet and greet



BTDT
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05 Apr 2024, 8:23 am

How about cultivating online friends?
There are lots of special interest groups on the Internet.
Some of them are well moderated.

Stay out of fights. Just because someone is wrong doesn't mean you have to correct them.
Be helpful and kind.

I mentioned that I was going to try growing fescue grass in the next couple months.
Someone commented that his attempts to grow grass in the spring always died.
I agreed that his advice was good for most people, but my yard is unusually wet and doesn't get as hot as those in the South or Midwest. It is likely that my fescue will have time to grow deep roots in New England before it gets too hot and dry. I doesn't get hot and dry enough to kill the crabgrass in my lawn!
He agreed with me that I could grow grass from seed in the spring.