Do I try too hard to ''fit in'' ?

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I seem to think that sometimes when I have times when I try to make myself fit in with everyone else around me, I forget I am autistic even though I know a part of me knows I have. I still didn't feel like I fitted in even in some social groups I went to where other autistic people met because many there were not as high functioning and non verbal and had carers with them and because of the carers being there with them it made me feel like we were all kids again despite being adults. I remember seeing other peers who were autistic like myself at secondary school who did go out into the mainstream of school and interact with other kids who were not autistic and even maintained friendships with them, some even relationships with them. One classmate even started a band with some non-autistic guys from school and I went to see them play once outside a pub a while ago now. Not long ago he had a baby with a partner. I remember feeling drawn to that crowd but sometimes they wouldn't always interact with me and didn't get their phone numbers, emails etc to contact them. I feel these are few of the reasons I complain that things haven't ''moved on'' for me and seeing my non-autistic peers along with some autistic and more social classmates doing the things that people do to socialise. I don't know whether this is because when I was younger, I was not as confident socially then than as I am now and that some people could see I was different and didn't know how to interact with me so they didn't always approach and interact with me.

I sometimes wonder if I've ''failed'' to fit in as I've probably said before, I've never been a person to go out and socialise somewhere like a pub, a club on a weekend etc. I do go to work and chat with non-autistic colleagues and customers but it hasn't made maintain a friendship to go out with them on occasions when we are off work. I'm one of the youngest there and some are much older than me, have kids, are married etc. I remember my therapist asking me whether I feel more autistic or more neurotypical by a percentage. I explained that I now only feel 10% autistic and 90% neurotypical because I feel more inclined to be amongst the ''neurotypical'' crowd.