What are your thoughts on PDA?

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Lost_dragon
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20 Apr 2024, 6:39 pm

I'm OK with seeing PDA so long as it's not obstructive.

Don't block the exits or entrances to buildings. Don't stand in the way of the grocery isle. Don't have one person standing on the bus and the other standing off the bus kissing each other - either get on the bus or don't!

Ahem. Sorry. :lol:

Yeah. Keep it family friendly and don't be an obstruction.

I remember one couple blocked the entrance to a water slide I wanted to go on as a kid. The entrance to a slide is not the place to full on snog! Ugh and they were kissing for ages, I just gave up on waiting for that ride. :roll: Don't be that couple is all I'm saying.


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MaxE
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21 Apr 2024, 4:32 pm

Is PDA that much of a thing anymore? Aside from the grounds of a high school at lunchtime, I don't think people make out in public (a working definition of PDA) as much as they did 50 years ago. Even when I was in college, there was no point to it (they had dormitories after all).

I can recall how, in the early post WWII days, you would see a LOT of PDA in a European city like Paris, where young couples had zero privacy and lived with their parents, an if a young woman was caught entertaining her boyfriend in her bedroom, she would most likely get thrown out onto the street. You would see lots of couples frantically making out in public parks, for example.

Furthermore, I would think this question somewhat unusual for an autism forum, because even though autistic people can be in affectionate relationships, it seems to me unlikely to see two autistic people snogging in public, or a few might do in inappropriately, not aware of what onlookers might think, although I don't think that would happen very often. Or for that matter a couple consisting of one autistic and one NT.


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TwilightPrincess
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21 Apr 2024, 5:01 pm

MaxE wrote:
Is PDA that much of a thing anymore? Aside from the grounds of a high school at lunchtime, I don't think people make out in public (a working definition of PDA) as much as they did 50 years ago. Even when I was in college, there was no point to it (they had dormitories after all).
As per a definition I cited earlier, PDA includes behaviors like kissing, hugging, and holding hands.


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MaxE
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21 Apr 2024, 5:27 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Is PDA that much of a thing anymore? Aside from the grounds of a high school at lunchtime, I don't think people make out in public (a working definition of PDA) as much as they did 50 years ago. Even when I was in college, there was no point to it (they had dormitories after all).
As per a definition I cited earlier, PDA includes behaviors like kissing, hugging, and holding hands.

To me it's only PDA if it makes others uncomfortable. I have done all these things with my wife. The only time anyone objects is is both people involved are the same gender, but that's a different discussion.


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TwilightPrincess
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21 Apr 2024, 5:30 pm

MaxE wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Is PDA that much of a thing anymore? Aside from the grounds of a high school at lunchtime, I don't think people make out in public (a working definition of PDA) as much as they did 50 years ago. Even when I was in college, there was no point to it (they had dormitories after all).
As per a definition I cited earlier, PDA includes behaviors like kissing, hugging, and holding hands.

To me it's only PDA if it makes others uncomfortable. I have done all these things with my wife. The only time anyone objects is is both people involved are the same gender, but that's a different discussion.

I know people who are uncomfortable with seeing others holding hands, so there’s quite a variety in terms of what a couple will do or be comfortable seeing others doing.


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22 Apr 2024, 6:09 am

I'm generally fine with it.

Though if I'm out with people either of us know (i..e friends,family, coworkers, etc), I'd be tasteful with it.



nick007
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22 Apr 2024, 10:42 am

I love being affectionate with my girlfriend including in public but I hate making out & kissing due to sensory issues. We often hold hands & sometimes give each other little massages in public. I'm anti-affectionate with everyone else thou & hate the idea of even hugging my parents in public & in private. I'm too oblivious to notice what other couples do.


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22 Apr 2024, 10:55 am

As my country neighbor would say; " I don't mind the spoonin but I draw the line at forkin"



TwilightPrincess
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22 Apr 2024, 10:55 am

:lol:


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MaxE
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27 Apr 2024, 12:10 pm

Regarding personal anecdotes, my first girlfriend would stand in front of me, throw her arms around my neck, lean her forehead against mine, and dance from side to side while gazing into my eyes (usually in public as I recall). Despite never before having a girlfriend, for some reason this annoyed me, and now it's hard to understand why. I can only recall thinking that she was acting silly, and from months of corresponding with her, I had an impression of her as a very serious young woman, and this sort of behavior surprised me.

As for more flagrant acts of PDA, I can think of 2 in particular. So this one girlfriend I have mentioned before who was sort of a MPDG (me 24 her 21), one day I and a handful of people (including at least one couple) were sunbathing on the roof of a house I was living in. She showed up, and although I can't recall much detail, she basically started making out with me with the unmistakable intent to get me sexually aroused, so I would go back inside with her to have sex (she had in fact brought a condom with her). I was a bit embarrassed at the time, but then I probably thought that, after years of being single in both high school and most of college, I could live with having the reputation of being in a relationship with somebody who flaunted her sexuality so publicly.

A handful of years of experience later, at age 28, a young woman I had met at work (age 22) had asked me on a date. Basically we hung out at the Columbia Maryland lakeside (I can recall we took a paddleboat out). At one point, we were sitting on the grassy lawn that sloped down to the lake, and she suddenly pounced on me and started aggressively tongue kissing me as though we were somewhere private. At first, I was very self-conscious, but then I considered that I would have given anything to be in that situation when I was a teenager, and better late than never (to me she seemed a very young and inexperienced 22 but after all it was she who wanted the date).


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Tim_Tex
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27 Apr 2024, 6:44 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
This thread isn’t in the Adult Forum and it’s not about sex. If people are making out in public, they aren’t likely to have sex there.


Plus doing it in public is illegal, except maybe in cities like Seattle, San Francisco, etc.


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DuckHairback
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28 Apr 2024, 5:06 am

MaxE wrote:
Regarding personal anecdotes, my first girlfriend would stand in front of me, throw her arms around my neck, lean her forehead against mine, and dance from side to side while gazing into my eyes (usually in public as I recall). Despite never before having a girlfriend, for some reason this annoyed me, and now it's hard to understand why. I can only recall thinking that she was acting silly, and from months of corresponding with her, I had an impression of her as a very serious young woman, and this sort of behavior surprised me.


I had a girlfriend who did something like this and it annoyed me too. It seemed to me, and i believe this is accurate, that it was not for my benefit at all, but more like marking terrority. It was only ever in very public places. We had to have a good chat about that.


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LittleBeach
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28 Apr 2024, 6:40 am

Other couples PDA would often make me feel lonely back when I was single, but I understand that was my problem not there’s. I am fine with PDA in general.



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28 Apr 2024, 6:52 am

The only thing I can't stand is the sound of sloppy kissing anywhere near me apart from that I'm all for a bit of PDA

I must say though I don't get it when people are walking around with their arms around each other. To me this is an accident just waiting to happen


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blitzkrieg
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28 Apr 2024, 7:59 am

My first girlfriend suggested we have sex in the bedroom of her cousin's house, her cousin being my friend at the time. She sat on my lap, trying to elicit a physical reaction from me.

He was downstairs... I'm not sure why she thought that was a good idea since he was inevitably going to be coming back upstairs fairly quickly. Not to mention it being morally wrong to do that in someone else's space without their permission.



MaxE
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29 Apr 2024, 5:11 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
My first girlfriend suggested we have sex in the bedroom of her cousin's house, her cousin being my friend at the time. She sat on my lap, trying to elicit a physical reaction from me.

He was downstairs... I'm not sure why she thought that was a good idea since he was inevitably going to be coming back upstairs fairly quickly. Not to mention it being morally wrong to do that in someone else's space without their permission.


This brings to mind another incident involving the girlfriend I described here:

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=420277&p=9496536#p9496536

as having made out with me, in front of other people, so passionately that I had no choice but to follow her inside and have sex.

So over a year later, we were no longer living together. During the Summer, her family was invited by her wealthy aunt and uncle to spend the weekend at their lake house in the Adirondacks. The central area of this lake house had an overhead attic/crawl space with a trap door and a free-standing stair that led up to it (best as I can recall the setup). One time, I walked into that common area, and noticed she was up in that crawl space and beckoning me to join her. She had a condom with her so her intent was obvious. I went up there, but almost immediately one of her two sisters walked in and asked us what we were doing up there. I don't recall just what we said, but although she was capable of completing the act of sexual intercourse within a minute's time, I can't imagine how that could have possibly not gone sideways; although on the other hand, it would have been interesting, now that I think of it, as her father was a classic Aspie with very rigid thinking, who totally believed that his daughter had never had sex or alcohol.


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